A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume I Part 66

PARDONER.[363] And when ye have gone as far as ye[364] can, For all your labour and ghostly intent, Ye[365] will come home as wise as ye went.

PALMER. Why, sir, despised ye pilgrimage?

PARDONER. Nay,[366] fore G.o.d, sir, then did I rage; I think ye right well occupied, To seek these saints on every side.

Also your pain[367] I not dispraise it; But yet I discommend your wit: And ere[368] we go, even so shall ye, If you in this will answer me.

I pray you show what the cause is, Ye went all these pilgrimages?

PALMER. Forsooth, this life I did begin To rid the bondage of my sin: For which these saints rehea.r.s.ed ere this I have both sought and seen, i-wis; Beseeching them to bear record Of all my pain unto the Lord, That giveth all remission, Upon each man's contrition; And by their good mediation, Upon mine[369] humble submission, I trust to have in very deed For my soul health the better speed.

PARDONER. Now is your own confession likely To make yourself[370] a fool quickly.

For I perceive ye would obtain No other[371] thing for all your pain, But only grace your soul to save: Now mark in this what wit ye have!

To seek so far, and help so nigh; Even here at home is remedy; For at your door myself doth dwell, Who could have saved your soul as well; As all your wide wandering shall do, Though ye went thrice to Jericho.

Now since ye might have sped at home, What have ye won by running[372] at Rome?

PALMER. If this be true that ye have moved, Then is my wit indeed reproved.

But let us hear first what ye are?

PARDONER. Truly I am a pardoner.

PALMER. Truly a pardoner! that may be true; But a true pardoner doth not ensue.

Right seldom is it seen, or never, That truth and pardoners dwell together, For be your pardons never so great, Yet them to enlarge ye will not let With such lies that ofttimes, Christ wot, Ye seem to have that ye have not.

Wherefore I went myself to the self thing In every place and without saying: Had as much pardon there a.s.suredly, As ye can promise me here doubtfully.

Howbeit, I think ye do but scoff:[373]

But if ye had all the pardon ye speak[374] of, And no whit of pardon granted In any place where I have haunted: Yet of my labour I nothing repent; G.o.d hath respect how each time is spent; And as in his knowledge all is regarded, So by his goodness all is rewarded.

PARDONER. By the[375] first part of this last tale, It seemeth ye came of late[376] from the ale.

For reason on your side so far doth fail, That ye leave reasoning,[377] and begin to rail.

Wherein you[378] forget your own part clearly, For you[379] be as untrue as I: And in one point ye are beyond me, For you[380] may lie by authority, And all that have[381] wandered so far, That no man can be their controller.

And where you[382] esteem your labour so much, I say yet again my pardons are[383] such, That if there were a thousand souls on a heap, I would bring them to heaven as good cheap.[384]

As ye have brought yourself on pilgrimage, In the least[385] quarter of your voyage, Which is[386] far a side heaven, by G.o.d: There your labour and pardon is odd.

With small cost and without any pain, These pardons bring[387] them to heaven plain; Give me but a penny or two pence, And as soon as the soul departeth hence, In half-an-hour, or threequarters at the most, The soul is in heaven with the Holy Ghost.

'POTHECARY. Send ye any souls to heaven by water?

PARDONER. If we do,[388] sir, what is the matter?

'POTHECARY. By G.o.d, I have a dry soul should thither; I pray you let our souls go to heaven together, So busy you twain be in soul's health; May not a 'pothecary come in by stealth?

Yes, that I will,[389] by St Anthony, And, by the leave of this company, Prove ye false knaves both, ere[390] we go, In part of your sayings, as this, lo!

Thou by thy travail thinkest heaven to get: And thou by pardons and relics countest no let,[391]

To send thine own soul to heaven sure; And all other whom thou list to procure.

If I took an action, then were they blank; For like thieves the knaves[392] rob away my thank.

All souls in heaven having relief, Shall they thank your crafts? nay, thank mine chief.

No soul, ye know, entereth heaven-gate, Till from the body he be separate: And whom have ye known die honestly,[393]

Without help of the 'pothecary?

Nay, all that cometh to our handling, Except ye happen to come to hanging; That way perchance ye shall not mister[394]

To go to heaven without a glister.

But be ye sure I would be woe,[395]

If[396] ye should chance to beguile me so.

As good to lie with me a-night, As hang abroad in the moonlight.

There is no choice to flee my hand, But, as I said, into the band.

Since of our souls the mult.i.tude I send to heaven, when all is viewed, Who should but I then altogether Have thank of all their coming thither?

PARDONER. If ye killed a thousand in an hour's s.p.a.ce, When come they to heaven dying out of grace?[397]

'POTHECARY. If a thousand pardons about your necks were tied, When come they to heaven, if they never died?

PALMER. Long life after good works indeed Doth hinder man's receipt of mead; And death before one duty done, May make us think we die too soon.

Yet better tarry a thing than[398] have it; Than go too soon, and vainly crave it.

PARDONER. The longer ye dwell in communication, The less shall ye like this imagination.

For ye[399] may perceive, even at the first chop, Your tale is trapped in such a stop.

That at the least ye seem worse than we.

'POTHECARY. By the ma.s.s, I hold us nought all three.

[_Enter Pedlar_.

PEDLAR. By our lady, then have I gone wrong; And yet to be here I thought it long.

'POTHECARY. Ye have gone wrong no whit, I praise your fortune and your wit, That can direct you so discreetly To plant you in this company.

Thou a Palmer, and thou a Pardoner, I a 'Pothecary.

PEDLAR. And I a Pedlar.

'POTHECARY. Now, on my faith, well watched; Where the devil were we four hatched?

PEDLAR. That maketh no matter, since we be matched, I could be merry if that I had catched Some money for part of the ware in my pack.

'POTHECARY. What the devil hast thou there at thy back?

PEDLAR. What! dost thou not know that every pedlar In all kind of trifles[400] must be a meddler?

Specially in women's triflings; Those use we chiefly[401] above all things, Which things to see, if ye be disposed, Behold what ware here is disclosed!

This gear showeth itself in such beauty, That each man thinketh[402] it saith, _Come, buy me!_ Look where yourself can like to be chooser, Yourself shall make price, though I be loser.

Is here[403] nothing for my father Palmer?

Have ye not a wanton in a corner, For all your walking to holy places?

By Christ, I have heard of as strange cases.

Who liveth in love, and love would win, Even at this pack he must begin.

Wherein[404] is right many a proper token, Of which by name part shall be spoken: Gloves, pins, combs, gla.s.ses unspotted, Pomades, hooks, and laces knotted;[405]

Brooches, rings, and all manner of beads; Laces,[406] round and flat, for women's heads; Needles, thread, thimble, shears, and all such knacks,[407]

Where lovers be, no such things lacks: Sipers[408], swathbands,[409] ribbons, and sleeve laces, Girdles, knives, purses, and pincases.

'POTHECARY. Do women buy their pincases of you?

PEDLAR. Yea, that they do, I make G.o.d a vow.

'POTHECARY. So mot I thrive then for my part, I beshrew thy knave's naked heart, For making my wife's pincase so wide, The pins fall out, they cannot abide: Great pins she must have, one or other; If she lose one, she will find another.

Wherein I find cause to complain: New pins to her pleasure and to my pain!