A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Vi Part 64

WIT.

True; for if three fools were one fool, that were a great fool.

[_Points to_ SIMPLICITY.

But how are we double chapboys?

SIMPLICITY.

Because ye have two chaps, an upper chap and a nether chap.

WILL.

Ha, ha, ha!

WIT.

Ha, ha, ha!

WEALTH.

Ha, ha, ha!

SIMPLICITY.

You said you would laugh but a little, but you laugh a great deal: why do ye laugh so much?

WILL.

Because your wit was so great in expounding your meaning.

SIMPLICITY.

Ye may see it is a good thing to have wit.

WIT.

I thank you, sir.

WEALTH.

And what say you to Wealth?

SIMPLICITY.

Wealth? Marry, Wealth is better.

WEALTH.

I thank you, sir.

WILL.

And how say you to Will?

SIMPLICITY.

Indeed, good Will is a great matter.

WILL.

Yea, between a maid and a bachelor.

SIMPLICITY.

Why, you are not in love, boy?

WILL.

Yes, but I am, and in charity too.

SIMPLICITY.

Charity! alas, poor child! thou in charity? ha, ha! now must I laugh.

WIT.

But you laugh a great while, and you laugh very loud.

SIMPLICITY.

Then, I owe you nothing for laughing, and you hear me the better.

WEALTH.

But now laugh not we.

SIMPLICITY.

No, you may be maddle-coddle.[236] Well, here's three pa.s.sing fine lads, if a man were able to keep them all. Let me see: Wealth! O, that's a sweet lad: then Wit! O, that's a fine lad: Will: O, that's a pretty lad.

Will, Wit, and Wealth, G.o.d lend ye health. I would I could guile their masters of two of them. If I had Fraud here, that served Lady Lucre, he would teach me: he would teach me to 'tice one of them from his master.

Which of them, now, if a man should steal one? Will? nay, I care not for Will, outsep[237] he be good-will. Wit? a pretty child, but a man cannot live by wit. Wealth? Yea, marry, sir, I would I could win that Wealth, for then I need neither Will nor Wit; nor I need sell no ballads, but live like a mouse in a mill, and have another to grind my meal for me.

I'll have a fling at one of them anon.

WEALTH.

Do you not forget yourself, gaffer?

WIT.

Have ye not wares to sell, gaffer?

WILL.

When do you show, gaffer?

SIMPLICITY.

Well-rememb'red, pretty lad: ye may see children can teach old folks.

I am an unthrift, indeed. Well, my wares shall out now. But, sirs, how sell you your wares? How many of these for a groat?

WEALTH.

Our wares are not to be sold.

SIMPLICITY.

Not for silver nor gold? Why hang they, then, in the open market?

WILL.

To be seen, not bought.

SIMPLICITY.

Then they are like ripe plums upon a rich man's tree, that set men's teeth a-watering, when they are not to be bought. But what call you these things?

WIT.

Scutcheons.