A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Vi Part 69

SIMPLICITY.

So that Usury and an a.s.s are two of the profitablest beasts that a man can keep; yet th'one hath sharper teeth than th'other.

FRAUD.

But what means Dissimulation? He droops, methinks. What cheer, man?

Why, cousin, frolic a fit. Art thou not glad of this meeting? What's the cause of thy melancholy?

DISSIMULATION.

Not melancholic, but musing how it comes to pa.s.s that we are thus fortunate to meet, as we do?

SIMONY.

I'll tell thee why we met: because we are no mountains.[247]

SIMPLICITY.

But ye are as ill, for ye are monsters.

SIMONY.

And men may meet, though mountains cannot.

FRAUD.

In token that this meeting is joyous to us all, let us embrace altogether with heart's joy and affection.

SIMPLICITY.

I see many of these old proverbs prove true; 'tis merry when knaves meet. [_Aside_.

FRAUD.

How, sir! what's that?

SIMONY.

If a man had a casting-net, he might catch all you.

FRAUD.

Art thou not Simplicity?

SIMPLICITY.

Goodman Simplicity, for I am married, and it like your masters.h.i.+p.

And you are Master Fraud, too; a pox on your wors.h.i.+p. I see a fox and a false knave have all one luck, the better for banning; and many of you crafty knaves live merrilier than we honest men.

FRAUD.

Sirrah, bridle your tongue, if you'll be welcome to our company.

No girds nor old grudges, but congratulate this meeting. And, sirs, if you say it, let's tell how we have lived since our parting.

SIMPLICITY.

O, it is great pity.

USURY.

What, to tell how we have lived?

SIMPLICITY.

No; that ye do live.

FRAUD.

Yet again, sirrah? Usury, as for thee, it were folly to ask, for thou livest but too well; but Dissimulation and Simony, how have you two lived? Discourse, I pray you heartily.

SIMPLICITY.

Faith, even like two mice in an ambery,[248] that eat up all the meat, and when they have done gnaw holes in the cupboard.

DISSIMULATION.

Fraud, after my 'scaping away at the Sessions, where I s.h.i.+fted, as thou knowest, in three sundry shapes: one of a friar, and they can dissemble; another like a woman, and they do little else; the third as a saint and a devil--and so is a woman--I was banished out of London by Nemo. To the country went I amongst my old friends, and never better loved than among the russet-coats. Once in a month I stole in o' th' market-day to Leadenhall and about, and sometime to Westminster Hall. Now, hearing some speech that the ladies should be sued for, I am come in hope of my old entertainment, supposing myself not known of many, and hoping the three lords will prevail in their suit, and I to serve one of them.

SIMPLICITY.

He shall do well that gives thee a coat, but he should do better that could take off thy skin. [Aside.

SIMONY.

And I have been a traveller abroad in other realms, for here I am so cried out against by preachers (and yet some ministers, that be none, could be content to use me) that I was glad to be gone: now, in some other lands, and not very far off, I am secretly fostered--saving in Scotland and the Low-Countries, [where] they are reformed, they cannot abide me. Well, now and then hither I came stealing over sea, and hearing as you hear, intend as you do.

FRAUD.

And for mine own part, among artificers, And amongst a few bad-conscienced lawyers, I have found such entertainment as doth pa.s.s, Yet would I with Lucre fain be as I was.

SIMPLICITY.

Fraud is as ill as a cut-purse, by the ma.s.s. [Aside.

USURY.

And for Usury, the longer I live the greater love I find; Yet would I be with Lucre again, to please my mind.

FRAUD.

Here's a good fellow, too, one of our acquaintance.

How hast thou lived, Simplicity?

SIMPLICITY.

More honestly than all the rest of thy company; for when I might beg no longer, as begging was but bad, for you cosen'd me once of an alms, I fell to tankard-bearing, and so got a wife of the same science, Painful-Penury: then got I my freedom, and feeling my shoulder grow weary of the tankard, set up an easier trade--to sell ballads.

FRAUD.

Hadst thou a stock to set up withal?

SIMPLICITY.

Wise enough to tell you, I!--and yonder's my stall: but beware I lose nothing, for if I do, I'll lay it straight to some of you; for I saw none so like thieves, I promise you, since I set up.

FRAUD.

You are a wise man, when your nose is in the cup. But soft, who comes here? step we close aside, for these be the three ladies, for my life, brought out of prison by their keeper. Let us be whist, and we shall hear and see all. Sirrah, you must say nothing.

_Enter SORROW and the three Ladies: he sets them on three stones on the stage._

SIMPLICITY.

Not till ye speak, for I am afraid of him that's with the women.

CONSCIENCE.

O Sorrow, when, when, Sorrow, wilt thou cease To blow the spark that burns my troubled soul, To feed the worm that stings my fainting breast, And sharp the steel that gores my bleeding heart?

My thoughts are thorns, my tears hot drops of lead: I plain, I pine, I die, yet never dead.