A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Viii Part 87

[_Exit_ MARIAN.

NAN. I wonder what my mistress is about?

Somewhat she would not have my master know: Whate'er it be, 'tis nothing unto me; She's my good mistress, and I'll keep her counsel.

I have oft seen her kiss behind his back, And laugh and toy, when he did little think it.

O, what a winking eye the wanton hath To cosen him, even when he looks upon her!

But what have I to do with what she doth?

I'll taste her junkets since I am alone: That which is good for them cannot hurt me.

Ay, marry, this is sweet! a cup of wine Will not be hurtful for digestion.

[_She drinks_.]

_Enter_ CASTILIANO.

CAS. I would I had been wiser once to-day; I went on purpose to my Lord of Kent To give him some good counsel for his wife, And he, poor heart, no sooner heard my news, But turns me up his whites, and falls flat down: There I was fain to rub and chafe his veins, And much ado we had to get him live.

But for all that he is extremely sick, And I am come in all the haste I may For cordials to keep the earl alive.

But how now? What, a banquet! What means this?

NAN. Alas! my master is come home himself.

Mistress, mistress! my master is come home!

CAS. Peace, you young strumpet, or I'll stop your speech!

[_He stops her mouth_.

Come hither, maid: tell me, and tell me true, What means this banquet? what's your mistress doing?

Why call'dst[457] thou out, when as thou saw'st me coming?

Tell me, or else I'll hang thee by the heels, And whip thee naked. Come on, what's the matter?

NAN. Forsooth, I cannot tell.

CAS. Can you not tell? come on, I'll make you tell me.

NAN. O master! I will tell you.

CAS. Then say on.

NAN. Nothing, in truth, forsooth, but that she means To have a gentleman come drink with her.

CAS. What gentleman?

NAN. Forsooth, 'tis Master Forrest, as I think.

CAS. Forrest? nay then I know how the game goeth: Whoever loseth, I am sure to win By their great kindness, though't be but the horns.

_Enter_ FORREST _at one door_, MARIAN _at another_.

But here comes he and she. Come hither, maid: Upon thy life, give not a word, a look, That she may know aught of my being here.

Stand still, and do whate'er she bids thee do.

Go, get thee gone; but if thou dost betray me, I'll cut thy throat: look to it, for I will do it.

I'll stand here close to see the end of this, And see what rakes she keeps, when I'm abroad.

[CASTILIANO _conceals himself_.]

MAR. 'Tis kindly done, Miles, to return so soon, And so I take it. Nan, is our banquet ready?

Welcome, my love! I see you'll keep your word.

NAN. 'Twere better for you both he had not kept it. [_Aside_.]

FOR. Yea, Mariana, else I were unworthy.

I did but bring my lady to the door, And there I left her full of melancholy, And discontented.

MAR. Why, 'twas kindly done.

Come, come sit down, and let us laugh awhile: Maid, fill some wine.

NAN. Alas! my breech makes b.u.t.tons, And so would theirs, knew they as much as I.

He may change the sweetmeats, and put Purging comfits in the dishes.

MAR. Here's to my lady and my cousin Musgrave.

FOR. I pray, remember gentle master doctor And good Earl Lacy too, among the rest.

CAS. O sir, we find you kind--we thank you for it: The time may come when we may cry you quit. [_Aside_.]

NAN. Master, shall I steal you a cup of wine? [_Aside_

CAS. Away, you baggage! hold your peace, you wretch! [_Aside_.]

FOR. But I had rather walk into your orchard, And see your gallery so much commended; To view the workmans.h.i.+p he brought from Spain.

Wherein's describ'd the banquet of the G.o.ds.

MAR. Ay, there's one piece exceeding lively done;[458]

Where Mars and Venus lie within a net, Enclos'd by Vulcan, and he looking on.

CAS. Better and better yet: 'twill mend anon.

MAR. Another of Diana with her nymphs, Bathing their naked bodies in the streams; Where fond Acteon, for his eyes' offence, Is turn'd into a hart's shape, horns and all: And this the doctor hangs right o'er his bed.

FOR. Those horns may fall and light upon his head.

CAS. And if they do, worse luck. What remedy? [_Aside_.]

FOR. Nay, Marian, we'll not leave these sights unseen; And then we'll see your orchard and your fruit, For now there hang queen apples on the trees, And one of them is[459] worth a score of these.

MAR. Well, you shall see them, lest you lose your longing.

[_Exeunt_ MARIAN _and_ FORREST.

CAS. Nay, if ye fall a longing for green fruit, Child-bearing is not far off, I am sure.

Why, this is excellent: I feel the buds!

My head groweth hard: my horns will shortly spring!

Now, who may lead the cuckold's dance but I, That am become the headman of the parish?

O, this it is to have an honest wife, Of whom so much I boasted once to-day.

Come hither, minx! you know your mistress' mind, And you keep secret all her villanies: Tell me, you were best, where was this plot devised?

How did these villains know I was abroad?