A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Ix Part 29

And is it then such an ease for his a.s.s's back to carry money? _Echo_. Ay.

Will, then, this golden a.s.s bestow a vicarage gilded? _Echo_. Gelded.

What shall I say to good Sir Raderic, that have no[83] gold here? _Echo_. Cold cheer.

I'll make it my lone request, that he would be good to a scholar. _Echo_. Choler.

Yea, will he be choleric to hear of an art or a science? _Echo_. Hence.

Hence with liberal arts? What, then, will he do with his chancel? _Echo_. Sell.

Sell it? and must a simple clerk be fain to compound then? _Echo_. Pounds then.

What, if I have no pounds? must then my suit be prorogued? _Echo_. Rogued.

Yea? given to a rogue? Shall an a.s.s this vicarage compa.s.s? _Echo_. a.s.s.

What is the reason that I should not be as fortunate as he? _Echo_. a.s.s he.

Yet, for all this, with a penniless purse will I trudge to his wors.h.i.+p. _Echo_. Words cheap.

Well, if he give me good words, it's more than I have from an Echo. _Echo_. Go.

[_Exit_.

ACTUS II, SCAENA 3.

AMORETTO _with an Ovid in his hand_, IMMERITO.

AMORETTO.

Take it on the word of a gentleman, thou cannot have it a penny under; think on it, think on it, while I meditate on my fair mistress-- _Nunc sequor imperium, magne Cupido, tuum_.

Whate'er become of this dull, threadbare clerk, I must be costly in my mistress' eye: Ladies regard not ragged company.

I will with the revenues of my chaffer'd church First buy an ambling hobby for my fair, Whose measur'd pace may teach the world to dance, Proud of his burden, when he 'gins to prance.

Then must I buy a jewel for her ear, A kirtle of some hundred crowns or more.

With these fair gifts when I accompani'd go, She'll give Jove's breakfast; Sidney terms it so.

I am her needle, she is my adamant, She is my fair rose, I her unworthy p.r.i.c.k.

ACADEMICO.

Is there n.o.body here will take the pains to geld his mouth? [_Aside_.

AMORETTO.

She's Cleopatra, I Mark Antony.

ACADEMICO.

No, thou art a mere mark for good wits to shoot at: and in that suit thou wilt make a fine man to dash poor crows out of countenance.

[_Aside_.

AMORETTO.

She is my Moon, I her Endymion.

ACADEMICO.

No, she is thy shoulder of mutton, thou her onion: or she may be thy Luna, and thou her lunatic. [_Aside_.

AMORETTO.

I her Aeneas, she my Dido is.

ACADEMICO.

She is thy Io, thou her brazen a.s.s, Or she Dame Phantasy, and thou her gull; She thy Pasiphae, and thou her loving bull.[84]

[_Aside_.

ACTUS II, SCAENA 4.

_Enter_ IMMERITO _and_ STERCUTIO, _his father_.

STERCUTIO.

Son, is this the gentleman that sells us the living?

IMMERITO.

Fie, father! thou must not call it selling: thou must say, Is this the gentleman that must have the _gratuito_?

ACADEMICO.

What have we here? old truepenny come to town, to fetch away the living in his old greasy slops? Then, I'll none: the time hath been when such a fellow meddled with nothing but his ploughshare, his spade, and his hobnails; and so to a piece of bread and cheese, and went his way. But now these fellows are grown the only factors for preferment. [_Aside_.]

STERCUTIO.

O, is this the grating gentleman? And how many pounds must I pay?

IMMERITO.

O, thou must not call them pounds, but thanks. And, hark thou, father; thou must tell of nothing that is done, for I must seem to come clear to it.

ACADEMICO.

Not pounds, but thanks? See, whether this simple fellow that hath nothing of a scholar, but that the draper hath blacked him over, hath not gotten the style of the time. [_Aside_.]

STERCUTIO.

By my faith, son, look for no more portion.

IMMERITO.

Well, father, I will not--upon this condition, that when thou have gotten me the _gratuito_ of the living, thou wilt likewise disburse a little money to the bishop's poser;[85] for there are certain questions I make scruple to be posed in.

ACADEMICO.

He means any question in Latin, which he counts a scruple. O. this honest man could never abide this popish tongue of Latin. O, he is as true an Englishman as lives. [_Aside_.]

STERCUTIO.

I'll take the gentleman, now he is in a good vein, for he smiles.

AMORETTO.

Sweet Ovid, I do honour every page.

ACADEMICO.

Good Ovid, that in his lifetime lived with the Getes; and now, after his death, converseth with a barbarian. [_Aside_.]

STERCUTIO.

G.o.d be at your work, sir. My son told me you were the grating gentleman; I am Stercutio his father, sir, simple as I stand here.

AMORETTO.