A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Ix Part 50

PEG.

Why, William, what's the matter?

WILL CRICKET.

What's the matter, quotha? Faith, I ha' been in a fair taking for you, a bots on you! for t'other day, after I had seen you, presently my belly began to rumble. What's the matter, thought I. With that I bethought myself, and the sweet comportance of that same sweet round face of thine came into my mind. Out went I, and, I'll be sworn, I was so near taken, that I was fain to cut all my points. And dost hear, Peg? if thou dost not grant me thy goodwill in the way of marriage, first and foremost I'll run out of my clothes, and then out of my wits for thee.

PEG.

Nay, William, I would be loth you should do so for me.

WILL CRICKET.

Will you look merrily on me, and love me then?

PEG.

Faith, I care not greatly if I do.

WILL CRICKET.

Care not greatly if I do? What an answer's that? If thou wilt say, I, Peg, take thee, William, to my spruse husband--

PEG.

Why, so I will. But we must have more company for witnesses first.

[_Enter Dancers and Piper_.]

WILL CRICKET.

That needs not. Here's good store of young men and maids here.

PEG.

Why, then, here's my hand.

WILL CRICKET.

Faith, that's honestly spoken. Say after me: I, Peg Pudding, promise thee, William Cricket, that I'll hold thee for my own sweet lily, while I have a head in mine eye and a face on my nose, a mouth in my tongue and all that a woman should have from the crown of my foot to the sole of my head. I'll clasp thee and clip thee, coll thee and kiss thee, till I be better than nought and worse than nothing. When thou art ready to sleep, I'll be ready to snort; when thou art in health, I'll be in gladness; when thou art sick, I'll be ready to die; when thou art mad, I'll run out of my wits, and thereupon I strike thee good luck. Well said, i' faith. O, I could find in my hose to pocket thee in my heart!

Come, my heart of gold, let's have a dance at the making up of this match. Strike up, Tom Piper. [_They dance_.

Come, Peg, I'll take the pains to bring thee homeward; and at twilight look for me again.

[_Exeunt_.

_Enter_ ROBIN GOODFELLOW _and_ PETER PLOD-ALL.

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

Come hither, my honest friend. Master Churms told me you had a suit to me; what's the matter?

PETER PLOD-ALL.

Pray ye, sir, is your name Robin Goodfellow?

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

My name is Robin Goodfellow.

PETER PLOD-ALL.

Marry, sir, I hear you're a very cunning man, sir, and sir reverence of your wors.h.i.+p, sir, I am going a-wooing to one Mistress Lelia, a gentlewoman here hard by. Pray ye, sir, tell me how I should behave myself, to get her to my wife, for, sir, there is a scholar about her; now, if you can tell me how I should wipe his nose of her, I would bestow a fee of you.

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

Let me see't, and thou shalt see what I'll say to thee. [_He gives him money_.] Well, follow my counsel, and, I'll warrant thee, I'll give thee a love-powder for thy wench, and a kind of _nux vomica_ in a potion shall make her come off, i' faith.

PETER PLOD-ALL.

Shall I trouble you so far as to take some pains with me? I am loth to have the dodge.

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

Tus.h.!.+ fear not the dodge. I'll rather put on my flas.h.i.+ng red nose and my flaming face, and come wrapped in a calf's skin, and cry _Bo bo_. I'll fray the scholar, I warrant thee. But first go to her, try what thou canst do; perhaps she'll love thee without any further ado. But thou must tell her thou hast a good stock, some hundred or two a year, and that will set her hard, I warrant thee; for, by the ma.s.s, I was once in good comfort to have cosened a wench, and wott'st thou what I told her?

I told her I had a hundred pound land a year in a place, where I have not the breadth of my little finger. I promised her to enfeoff her in forty pounds a year of it, and I think of my conscience, if I had had but as good a face as thine, I should have made her have cursed the time that ever she see it. And thus thou must do: crack and lie, and face, and thou shalt triumph mightily.

PETER PLOD-ALL.

I need not do so, for I may say, and say true, I have lands and living enough for a country fellow.

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

By'r Lady, so had not I. I was fain to overreach, as many times I do; but now experience hath taught me so much craft that I excel in cunning.

PETER PLOD-ALL.

Well, sir, then I'll be bold to trust to your cunning, and so I'll bid you farewell, and go forward. I'll to her, that's flat.

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

Do so, and let me hear how you speed.

PETER PLOD-ALL.

That I will, sir. [_Exit_ PETER.

ROBIN GOODFELLOW.

Well, a good beginning makes a good end. Here's ten groats for doing nothing. I con Master Churms thanks for this, for this was his device; and therefore I'll go seek him out, and give him a quart of wine, and know of him how he deals with the scholar. [_Exit_.

_Enter_ CHURMS _and_ SOPHOS.

CHURMS.

Why, look ye, sir; by the Lord, I can but wonder at her father; he knows you to be a gentleman of good bringing up, and though your wealth be not answerable to his, yet, by heavens, I think you are worthy to do far better than Lelia--yet I know she loves you dearly.

SOPHOS.

The great Tartarian emperor, Tamar Cham, Joy'd not so much in his imperial crown, As Sophos joys in Lelia's hoped-for love, Whose looks would pierce an adamantine heart, And makes the proud beholders stand at gaze, To draw love's picture from her glancing eye.

CHURMS.

And I will stretch my wits unto the highest strain, To further Sophos in his wish'd desires.

SOPHOS.

Thanks, gentle sir.

But truce awhile; here comes her father.

_Enter_ GRIPE.

I must speak a word or two with him.

CHURMS.

Ay, he'll give you your answer, I warrant ye. [_Aside_.