A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Ix Part 108

HAR. Nay, then, I tell thee they took into this wood.

BUT. And I tell thee (setting thy wors.h.i.+p's knighthood aside) he lies in his throat that says so: had not one of them a white frock? did they not bind your wors.h.i.+p's knighthood by the thumbs? then f.a.ggoted you and the fool your man back to back.

MAN. He says true.

BUT. Why, then, so truly came not they into this wood, but took over the lawns, and left Winnowe steeple on the left hand.

HAR. It may be so. By this they are out of reach; Well, farewell it.

BUT. Ride with more men, good knight.

HAR. It shall teach me wit.

[_Exit_. HARCOP _with followers_.

BUT. So, if this be not played a weapon beyond a scholar's prize, let me be hissed at. Now to the next. Come out, you hedgehogs!

THOM. O butler! thou deserv'st to be chronicled for this.

BUT. Do not belie me, if I had any right, I deserve to be hanged for't.

But come, down with your dust, our morning's purchase.[402]

THOM. Here 'tis; thou hast played well; thou deserv'st two shares in it.

BUT. Three hundred pound! a pretty breakfast: many a man works hard all his days, and never sees half the money. But come, though it be badly got, it shall be better bestowed. But do ye hear, gallants? I have not taught you this trade to get your livings by. Use it not; for if you do, though I 'scaped by the nut-tree, be sure you'll speed by the rope.

But for your pains at this time, there's a hundred pounds for you; how you shall bestow it, I'll give you instructions. But do you hear? look ye, go not to your gills, your punks, and your c.o.c.k-tricks with it. If I hear you do, as I am an honest thief, though I helped you now out of the briars, I'll be a means yet to help you to the gallows. How the rest shall be employed, I have determined, and by the way I'll make you acquainted with it.

To steal is bad, but taken, where is store; The fault's the less, being done to help the poor.

[_Exeunt_.

_Enter_ WENTLOE, BARTLEY, _and_ ILFORD _with a letter in his hand_.

ILF. Sure, I have said my prayers, and lived virtuously o' late, that this good fortune's befallen me. Look, gallants, I am sent for to come down to my father's burial.

WEN. But dost mean to go?

ILF. Troth, no; I'll go down to take possession of his land: let the country bury him, and they will. I'll stay here a while, to save charge at his funeral.

BAR. And how dost feel thyself, Frank, now thy father is dead?

ILF. As I did before, with my hands; how should I feel myself else? but I'll tell you news, gallants.

WEN. What's that? dost mean now to serve G.o.d?

ILF. Faith, partly; for I intend shortly to go to church, and from thence do faithful service to one woman.

_Enter_ BUTLER.

BUT. Good! I have met my flesh-hooks together. [_Aside_.]

BAR. What, dost mean to be married?

ILF. Ay, mongrel, married.

BUT. That's a bait for me. [_Aside_.]

ILF. I will now be honestly married.

WEN. It's impossible, for thou hast been a wh.o.r.emaster this seven year.

ILF. 'Tis no matter; I will now marry, and to some honest woman too; and so from hence her virtues shall be a countenance to my vices.

BAR. What shall she be, prythee?

ILF. No lady, no widow, nor no waiting gentlewoman, for under protection Ladies may lard their husbands' heads, Widows will woodc.o.c.ks make, And chambermaids of servingmen Learn that they'll never forsake.

WEN. Who wilt thou wed then, prythee?

ILF. To any maid, so she be fair: To any maid, so she be rich: To any maid, so she be young: And to any maid--

BAR. So she be honest.

ILF. Faith, it's no great matter for her honesty, for in these days that's a dowry out of request.

BUT. From these crabs will I gather sweetness: wherein I'll imitate the bee, that sucks her honey, not from the sweetest flowers, but [from]

thyme, the bitterest: so these having been the means to beggar my master, shall be the helps to relieve his brothers and sister.

[_Aside_.]

ILF. To whom shall I now be a suitor?

BUT. Fair fall ye, gallants.

ILF. Nay, and she be fair, she shall fall sure enough. Butler, how is't, good butler?

BUT. Will you be made gallants?

WEN. Ay, but not willingly cuckolds, though we are now talking about wives.

BUT. Let your wives agree of that after: will you first be richly married?

ALL. How, butler? richly married?

BUT. Rich in beauty, rich in purse, rich in virtue, rich in all things.

But mum, I'll say nothing, I know of two or three rich heirs. But cargo![403] my fiddlestick cannot play without rosin: avaunt.

WEN. Butler.

ILF. Dost not know me, butler?