A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Xi Part 9

SIR J. WOR. Take your revenge by law.

STRANGE. It will be thought Your greatness and our money carries it: For some say some men on the back of law May ride and rule it like a patient a.s.s, And with a golden bridle in the mouth Direct it unto anything they please.

Others report it is a spider's web, Made to entangle the poor helpless flies, Whilst the great spiders that did make it first, And rule it, sit i' th' midst secure, and laugh.

My law in this shall only be my sword; But, peradventure, not this month or two.

KATH. This month or two?

C. FRED. I'll be your second, then.

STRANGE. You proffer too much honour, my good lord.

PEN. And I will be your third.

ABRA. I'll not be fourth or fifth, For the old proverb's good, which long hath been, Says safest 'tis sleeping in a whole skin.

LUC. G.o.d-a-mercy, Nab, I'll ha' thee, and be but for thy manhood.

SIR INN. Wife, my Lady Ninny, do you hear your son? He speaks seldom, but when he speaks----

LUC. He speaks proverbs, i' faith.

L. NIN. O, 'tis a pestilence knight, Mistress Lucida.

LUC. Ay, and a pocky.

KATH. This month or two! D'ye love me? not before?

It may be I will live so long Fame's wh.o.r.e!

[_Exit_ KATHERINE.

SIR J. WOR. What lowering star rul'd my nativity!

You'll come to dinner?

STRANGE. Yes.

C. FRED. Good morrow, brother.

Come, let's be merry in despite of all, And make this day (as't should be) festival.

SIR J. WOR. This sour thwart beginning may portend Good, and be crown'd with a delicious end.

[_Exeunt all but_ STRANGE.

STRANGE. So; I'll not see you, till my task be done: So much false time I set to my intent, Which instantly I mean to execute, To cut off all means of prevention, Which if they knew my day, they would essay.

Now for the merchant's honour. Hit all right: Kate, your young Strange will lie with you to-night. [_Exit._

_Enter WAGTAIL; the_ PAGE, _stealing after her, conceals himself_.

WAG. What a stir is here made about lying with a gentlewoman! I have been lain with a hundred, and a hundred times, and nothing has come on't! but--hawk, hum! hawk, hum! O, O! Thus have I done for this month or two--hawk, hum! [_Coughs and spits._]

PAGE. Ah! G.o.d's will, are you at it? You have acted your name too much, sweet Mistress Wagtail. This was wittily, though somewhat knavishly followed on me.

WAG. Umph! O' my conscience, I am peppered. Well, thou tumblest not for nothing, for he dances as well that got thee, and plays as well on the viol, and yet he must not father thee. I have better men. Let me remember them, and here, in my melancholy, choose out one rich enough to reward this my stale virginity, or fit enough to marry my little honesty. Hawk, hawk! [_Coughs and spits._]

PAGE. She has a shrewd reach, I see that. What a casting she keeps.

Marry, my comfort is, we shall hear by and by who has given her the casting-bottle.

WAG. Hawk, hawk, hawk! bitter, bitter! Pray G.o.d, I hurt not the babe.

Well, let me see, I'll begin with knights: _imprimis_, Sir John Do't-well and Sir William Burn-it.

PAGE. A hot knight, by my faith; Do't-well and Burn-it too.

WAG. For old Sir Innocent Ninny, my master, if I speak my conscience, look ye, I cannot directly accuse him. Much has he been about, but done nothing. Marry, for Sir Abraham, I will not altogether 'quit him. Let me see, there's four knights: now for gentlemen----

PAGE. And so she'll come down to the footmen.

WAG. Master Love-all, Master Liveby't, and Master Pendant. Hawk, hi'up, hi'up!

PAGE. By this light, I have heard enough. Shall I hold your belly too, fair maid of the fas.h.i.+on? [_Comes forward._

WAG. What say ye, Jack Sauce?

PAGE. O fie, ill-mutton! you are too angry. Why, look ye; I am my lord's page, and you are my lady's gentlewoman: we should agree better; and I pray, whither are you riding with this burthen in your dosser.[33]

WAG. Why, sir, out of town. I hope 'tis not the first time you have seen a child carried out of town in a dosser for fear of the plague.

PAGE. You have answered me, I promise you: but who put it in, I pray?

WAG. Not you, sir, I know, by your asking.

PAGE. I, alas! I know that by my talent; for I remember thus much philosophy of my school-masters, _ex nihilo nihil fit_. But come, setting this duello of wit aside, I have overheard your confession and your casting about for a father, and in troth, in mere charity, came in to relieve you. In the scroll of beasts, horses and a.s.ses, that have fed upon this common of yours, you named one Pendant: faith, wench, let him be the father. He is a very handsome gentleman, I can tell you, in my lord's favour. I'll be both secret and your friend to my lord. Let it be him; he shall either reward thee bountifully, or marry thee.

WAG. Sir, you speak like an understanding young gentleman, and I acknowledge myself much bound to you for your counsel.

PEN. (_Within_). Will, Will!

PAGE. My lord hath sent him to call me. Now I hold a wager on't, if thou be'st not a fool, as most waiting-women are, thou'lt use him in his kind.

_Enter_ PENDANT.

PEN. Why, Will, I say! Go; my lord calls extremely.

PAGE. Did not I say so? Come, this is but a trick to send me off, sir.

[_Exit_ PAGE.

PEN. A notable little rascal.

Pretty Mistress Wagtail, why d'ye walk so melancholy?

I sent him hence o' purpose. Come, shall's do?

WAG. Do! what would you do? You have done too much already.