A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Xi Part 25

BOLD. Madam, if it shall please you to entertain me, so; if not, I desire you not to misconstrue my goodwill. There's no harm done; the door's as big as it was, and your ladys.h.i.+p's own wishes crown your beauty with content. As for these frumping gallants, let them do their worst. It is not in man's power to hurt me. 'Tis well known I come not to be scoffed. A woman may bear and bear, till her back burst. I am a poor gentlewoman, and since virtue hath nowadays no other companion but poverty, I set the hare's head unto the goose giblets, and what I want one way, I hope I shall be enabled to supply the other.

FEE. An't please G.o.d, that thou wert not past children.

WID. Is't even so, my lord? Nay, good Princ.o.x, do not cry. I do entertain you. How do you occupy? What can you use?

BOLD. Anything fit to be put into the hands of a gentlewoman.

WID. What are your qualities?

BOLD. I can sleep on a low stool. If your ladys.h.i.+p be talking in the same room with any gentleman, I can read on a book, sing love-songs, look up at the loover light,[81] hear and be deaf, see and be blind, be ever dumb to your secrets, swear and equivocate, and whatsoever I spy, say the best.

WID. O rare crone, how art thou endued! But why did Master Bold's sister put you away?

BOLD. I beseech you, madam, to neglect that desire: though I know your ladys.h.i.+p's understanding to be sufficient to partake, or take in, the greatest secret can be imparted, yet----

WID. Nay, prythee, tell the cause. Come, here's none but friends.

BOLD. Faith, madam, heigho! I was (to confess truly) a little foolish in my last service to believe men's oaths, but I hope my example, though prejudicial to myself, will be beneficial to other young gentlewomen in service. My mistress's brother (the gentleman you named even now--Master Bold), having often attempted my honour, but finding it impregnable, vowed love and marriage to me at the last. I, a young thing and raw, being seduced, set my mind upon him, but friends contradicting the match, I fell into a grievous consumption; and upon my first recovery, lest the intended sacred ceremonies of nuptials should succeed, his sister, knowing this, thought it fit in her judgment we should be farther asunder, and so put me out of her service.

OMNES. Ha, ha, ha!

WID. G.o.d-a-mercy for this discovery, i' faith.

O man, what art thou when thy c.o.c.k is up?

Come, will your lords.h.i.+p walk in? 'tis dinner-time.

_Enter hastily_ SELDOM, _with papers on his arm_.

OMNES. Who's this? who's this?

MAID. This is our landlord, Master Seldom, an exceeding wise citizen, a very sufficient understanding man, and exceeding rich.

OMNES. Miracles are not ceased.

WID. Good morrow, landlord. Where have you been sweating?

SEL. Good morrow to your honours: thrift is industrious. Your ladys.h.i.+p knows we will not stick to sweat for our pleasures: how much more ought we to sweat for our profits! I am come from Master Ingen this morning, who is married, or to be married; and though your ladys.h.i.+p did not honour his nuptials with your presence, he hath by me sent each of you a pair of gloves, and Grace Seldom, my wife, is not forgot. [_Exit._

OMNES. G.o.d give him joy, G.o.d give him joy. [_Exeunt._[82]

MAID. Let all things most impossible change now!

O perjur'd man! oaths are but words, I see.

But wherefore should not we, that think we love Upon full merit, that same worth once ceasing, Surcease our love too, and find new desert?

Alas! we cannot; love's a pit which, when We fall into, we ne'er get out again: And this same horrid news which me a.s.saults, I would forget: love blanches blackest faults.

O, what path shall I tread for remedy But darkest shades, where love with death doth lie! [_Exit._

_Manent_ HUSBAND, WIFE, SUBTLE.

WIFE. Sir, I have often heard my husband speak Of your acquaintance.

HUS. Nay, my virtuous wife, Had it been but acquaintance, this his absence Had not appear'd so uncouth: but we two Were school-fellows together, born and nurs'd, Brought up, and liv'd since, like the Gemini: Had but one suck: the tavern or the ordinary, Ere I was married, that saw one of us Without the other, said we walk'd by halves.

Where, dear--dear friend, have you been all this while?

SUB. O most sweet friend, the world's so vicious, That had I with such familiarity Frequented you, since you were married, Possess'd and us'd your fortunes as before, As in like manner you commanded mine, The deprav'd thoughts of men would have proclaim'd Some scandalous rumours from this love of ours, As saying mine reflected on your lady; And what a wound had that been to our souls, When only friends.h.i.+p should have been the ground To hurt her honour and your confident peace, Spite of mine own approv'd integrity?

HUS. Wife, kiss him, bid him welcome: pox o' th' world!

Come, come, you shall not part from me in haste.

I do command thee use this gentleman In all things like myself: if I should die, I would bequeath him in my will to thee.[83]

WIFE. Sir, you are most welcome, and let scandalous tongues No more deter you: I dare use you, sir, With all the right belonging to a friend, And what I dare, I dare let all men see.

My conscience, rather than men's thoughts, be free.

HUS. Will you look in? We'll follow you. [_Exit_ WIFE.

Now, friend, What think you of this lady?

SUB. Why, sweet friend, That you are happy in her: she is fair, Witty, and virtuous, and was rich to you.

Can there be an addition to a wife?

HUS. Yes, constancy; for 'tis not chast.i.ty That lives remote, from all attempters free, But there 'tis strong and pure, where all that woo It doth resist,[84] and turns them virtuous too.

Therefore, dear friend, by this, love's masculine kiss, By all our mutual engagements pa.s.s'd, By all the hopes of amity to come, Be you the settler of my jealous thoughts, And make me kill my fond suspect of her By a.s.surance that she is loyal, otherwise That she is false; and then, as she's past cure, My soul shall ever after be past care.

That you are fittest for this enterprise, You must needs understand; since, prove she true In this your trial, you (my dearest friend).

Whom only rather than the world besides, I would have satisfied of her virtue, shall see[85]

And best conceal my folly. Prove she weak, 'Tis better you should know't than any man, Who can reform her, and do me no wrong.

Chemical metals, and bright gold itself, By sight are not distinguish'd, but by th' test: Thought makes good wives, but trial makes the best.

To the unskilful owner's eyes alike The Bristow sparkles as the diamond,[86]

But by a lapidary the truth is found-- Come, you shall not deny me.

SUB. Do not wrong So fair a wife, friend, and so virtuous, Whose good name is a theme unto the world: Make not a wound with searching, where was none.

Misfortune still such projects doth pursue; He makes a false wife that suspects a true.

Yet since you so importune, give me leave To ruminate awhile, and I will straight Follow, and give you an answer.

HUS. You must do it. [_Exit._

SUB. a.s.sure yourself, dear c.o.xcomb, I will do't, Or strangely be denied. All's as I wish'd; This was my aim, although I have seem'd strange.

I know this fellow now to be an a.s.s, A most unworthy husband, though in view He bear himself thus fair; she knows this too, Therefore the stronger are my hopes to gain her; And, my dear friend, that will have your wife tried, I'll try her first, then trust her, if I can; And, as you said most wisely, I hope to be Both touchstone to your wife and lapidary. [_Exit._

FOOTNOTES:

[72] The Lady Honour is called _Maid_, the Lady Perfect _Wife_, and the Lady Bright _Widow_.

[73] The 2d edit. reads _excellent_ for _insolent_.

[74] Edits., _rest_.

[75] They retire soon afterwards, but the _exit_ is not marked.

[76] In his "Woman is a Weatherc.o.c.k," Field has already mentioned these instruments of torture in conjunction with some others, and to a similar import: what he here calls _the boiling boot_ he there terms _the Scotch boot;_ but they were probably the same thing, in the one case, hot oil or water supplying the place of wedges in the latter instance.