A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Xi Part 65

PRIS. Here's the bread-and-meat-man come.

FOX. Well, the bread-and-meat-man may stay a little.

PRIS. Yes, indeed, Harry, the bread-and-meat-man may stay; but you know our stomachs cannot stay.

_Enter_ GATHERSc.r.a.p _with the basket_.

FOX. Indeed your stomach is always first up.

PRIS. And therefore by right should be first served: I have a stomach like _aqua fortis_, it will eat anything; O father Gathersc.r.a.p, here are excellent bits in the basket.

FOX. Will you hold your chaps farther? By and by, you'll drivel into the basket.

PRIS. Perhaps it may do some good; for there may be a piece of powdered beef that wants watering.

FOX. Here, sir, here's your share.

PRIS. Here's a bit indeed: what's this to a Gargantua stomach?

FOX. Thou art ever grumbling.

PRIS. Zounds! it would make a dog grumble to want his victuals: I pray, give Spendall none; he came into the hole but yesternight.

FOX. What, do you refuse it?

SPEND. I cannot eat, I thank you.

PRIS. No, no, give it me, he's not yet seasoned for our company.

FOX. Divide it then amongst you.

[_Exit_ FOX _and_ PRISONER.

SPEND. To such a one as these are must I come; Hunger will draw me into their fellows.h.i.+p, To fight and scramble for unsavoury sc.r.a.ps, That come from unknown hands, perhaps unwash'd: And would that were the worst; for I have noted That nought goes to the prisoners, but such food As either by the weather has been tainted, Or children, nay, sometimes full-paunched dogs Have overlick'd; as if men had determin'd That the worst sustenance which is G.o.d's creatures'-- However they're abus'd--is[208] good enough For such vild creatures as abuse themselves.

O, what a slave was I unto my pleasures!

How drown'd in sin, and overwhelm'd in l.u.s.t!

That I could write my repentance to the world, And force th' impression of it in the hearts Of you of[209] my acquaintance: I might teach them By my example, to look home to thrift, And not to range abroad to seek out ruin.

Experience shows, his purse shall soon grow light, Whom dice wastes in the day, drabs in the night.

Let all avoid false strumpets, dice and drink; For he that leaps i' th' mud, shall quickly sink.

_Enter_ FOX _and_ LONGFIELD.

FOX. Yonder's the man.

LONG. I thank you.

How is it with you, sir? What, on the ground?

Look up, there's comfort towards you.

SPEND. Belike, some charitable friend has sent a s.h.i.+lling.

What is your business?

LONG. Liberty.

SPEND. There's virtue in that word; I'll rise up to you.

Pray, let me hear that cheerful word again.

LONG. The able and well-minded widow Raysby, Whose hand is still upon the poor man's box, Hath in her charity remember'd you; And, being by your master seconded, Hath taken order with your creditors For day and payment; and freely from her purse, By me her deputy, she hath discharg'd All duties in the house: besides, to your necessities This is bequeath'd, to furnish you with clothes.

SPEND. Speak you this seriously?

LONG. 'Tis not my practice to mock misery.

SPEND. Be ever praised that divinity, That has to my oppressed state rais'd friends, Still be his blessings pour'd upon their heads.

Your hand, I pray, That have so faithfully perform'd their wills.

If e'er my industry, join'd with their loves, Shall raise me to a competent estate, Your name shall ever be to me a friend.

LONG. In your good wishes you requite me amply.

SPEND. All fees, you say, are paid? There's for your love.

FOX. I thank you, sir, and am glad you are releas'd. [_Exeunt._

_Enter_ BUBBLE, _gallanted_.

BUB. How apparel makes a man respected! the very children in the street do adore me: for if a boy, that is throwing at his jack-a-lent,[210]

chance to hit me on the s.h.i.+ns, why, I say nothing but _Tu quoque_, smile, and forgive the child with a beck of my hand, or some such like token: so by that means I do seldom go without broken s.h.i.+ns.

_Enter_ STAINES, _like an Italian_.

STAINES. The blessings of your mistress fall upon you; And may the heat and spirit of her lip Endue her with matter above her understanding, That she may only live to admire you, or, as the Italian says: _Que que dell fogo Ginni c.o.xcombie_.

BUB. I do wonder what language he speaks.

Do you hear, my friend; are not you a conjuror?

STAINES. I am, sir, a perfect traveller, that have trampled over the face of the universe, and can speak Greek and Latin as promptly as my own natural language. I have composed a book, wherein I have set down all the wonders of the world that I have seen, and the whole scope of my journeys, together with the miseries and lousy fortunes I have endured therein.[211]

BUB. O Lord, sir, are you the man? give me your hand: how do ye? in good faith, I think I have heard of you.

STAINES. No, sir, you never heard of me; I set this day footing upon the wharf; I came in with the last peal of ordnance, and dined this day in the Exchange amongst the merchants. But this is frivolous, and from the matter: you do seem to be one of our gentile spirits that do affect generosity: pleaseth you to be inst.i.tuted in the nature, garb, and habit of the most exactest nation in the world, the Italian? whose language is sweetest, clothes neatest, and behaviour most accomplished. I am one that have spent much money, and time, which to me is more dear than money, in the observation of these things: and, now I am come, I will sit me down and rest; and make no doubt but to purchase and build, by professing this art or human science (as I may term it) to such honourable and wors.h.i.+pful personages as mean to be peculiar.

BUB. This fellow has his tongue at his fingers' ends. But, hark ye, sir; is your Italian the finest gentleman?

STAINES. In the world, signior; your Spaniard is a mere b.u.mbard to him: he will bounce, indeed, but he will burst. But your Italian is smooth and lofty, and his language is cousin-german to the Latin.

BUB. Why, then he has his _Tu quoque_ in his salute?

STAINES. Yes, sir, for it is an Italian word as well as a Latin, and enfolds a double sense; for one way spoken, it includes a fine gentleman, like yourself; and another way it imports an a.s.s, like whom you will.

BUB. I would my man Gervase were here, for he understands these things better than I. [_Aside._] You will not serve?