A Select Collection of Old English Plays Volume Xi Part 84

TRIN. T' Antonio's form! Was not Antonio a gentleman?

PAN. Yes, and my neighbour; that's his house.

TRIN. O, O!

Now do I smell th' astrologer's trick: he'll steep me In soldier's blood, or boil me in a caldron Of barbarous law French; or anoint me over With supple oil of great men's services; For these three means raise yeomen to the gentry.

Pardon me, sir: I hate those medicines. Fie!

All my posterity will smell and taste on't, Long as the house of Trincalo endures.

PAN. There's no such business; thou shalt only seem so, And thus deceive Antonio's family.

TRIN. Are you a.s.sur'd? 'Twould grieve me to be bray'd[278]

In a huge mortar, wrought to paste, and moulded To this Antonio's mould. Grant, I be turn'd; what then?

PAN. Enter his house, be reverenc'd by his servants, And give his daughter Flavia to me in marriage.

The circ.u.mstances I'll instruct thee after.

TRIN. Pray, give me leave: this side says do't; this, do not.

Before I leave you, Tom Trincalo, take my counsel: Thy mistress Armellina is Antonio's maid, And thou, in his shape, may'st possess her: turn.

But if I be Antonio, then Antonio Enjoys that happiness, not Trincalo.

A pretty trick, to make myself a cuckold!

No, no; there, take your lease. I'll hang first. Soft, Be not so choleric, Thomas. If I become Antonio, Then all his riches follow. This fair occasion Once vanish'd, hope not the like; of a stark clown, I shall appear a speck-and-span new gentleman.[279]

A pox of ploughs and carts, and whips and horses.

Then Armellina shall be given to Trincalo, Three hundred crowns her portion. We'll get a boy, And call him Transformation Trincalo.

I'll do't, sir.

PAN. Art resolv'd?

TRIN. Resolv'd! 'Tis done-- With this condition: after I have given your wors.h.i.+p My daughter Flavia, you shall then move my wors.h.i.+p, And much entreat me, to bestow my maid Upon myself--I should say Trincalo.

PAN. Content; and for thy sake will make her portion Two hundred crowns.

TRIN. Now are you much deceiv'd: I never meant it.

PAN. How!

TRIN. I did but jest; And yet, my hand, I'll do't: for I am mutable, And therefore apt to change. Come, come, sir, quickly, Let's to the astrologer, and there transform, Reform, conform, deform me at your pleasure.

I loathe this country countenance. Despatch: my skin Itches like a snake's in April to be stripp'd off.

Quickly, O, quickly! as you love Flavia, quickly.

SCENE III.

ALb.u.mAZAR, PANDOLFO, RONCA, TRINCALO.

ALB. Signior Pandolfo, y' arrive in happiest hour: If the seven planets were your nearest kindred, And all the constellations your allies; Were the twelve houses and the inns o' th' zodiac Your own fee-simple, they could ne'er ha' chosen A fitter place to favour your designs.

For the great luminaries look from Helic[280]

And midst of heaven, in angles, conjunctions, And fortunate aspects of trine and s.e.xtile, Ready to pour propitious influences.

PAN. Thanks to your pow'r and court'sy, that so plac'd them.

This is the man that's ready for the business.

ALB. Of a most happy count'nance and timber fit To square to th' gentry: his looks as apt for changing, As he were cover'd with chameleons' skins.

TRIN. Except my hands; and 'twill be troublesome To fit these fingers to Antonio's gloves: [_Aside._]

PAN. Pray let's about the work as soon as may be.

ALB. First, choose a large low room, whose door's full east, Or near inclining: for the oriental quarter's Most bountiful of favours.

PAN. I have a parlour Of a great square, and height as you desire it.

ALB. Southward must look a wide and s.p.a.cious window: For howsoever Omar, Alchabitius, Hali, Abenezra, seem something to dissent; Yet Zoroastres, son of Oromasus, Hiarcha, Brachman, Thespion, Gymnosophist, Gebir, and Budda Babylonicus,[281]

With all the subtle Cabalists and Chaldees, Swear the best influence for our metamorphosis, Stoops from the south, or, as some say, southeast.

PAN. This room's as fit as you had made it of purpose.

TRIN. Now do I feel the calf of my right leg Twingle and dwindle to th' smallness of a bed-staff: Such a speech more turns my high shoes strait boots.[282]

RON. Ne'er were those authors cited to better purpose, For through that window all Pandolfo's treasures Must take their flight, and fall upon my shoulders.

ALB. Now if this light meridional had a large cas.e.m.e.nt, That overlook'd some unfrequented alley, 'Twere much more proper; for th' Intelligences Are nice and coy, scorning to mix their essence With throng'd disturbance of cross mult.i.tudes.

RON. Spoken by art, Alb.u.mazar; a provident setter; For so shall we receive what thou hand'st out, Free from discovery. But, in my conscience, All windows point full south for such a business.

PAN. Go to my house, satisfy your curious choice: But, credit me, this parlour's fit; it neighbours To a blind alley, that in busiest term-time Feels not the footing of one pa.s.senger.

ALB. Now, then, declining from Theourgia, Artenosaria[283] Pharmacia rejecting Necro-puro-geo-hydro-cheiro-coscinomancy,[284]

With other vain and superst.i.tious sciences, We'll anchor at the art prestigiatory, That represents one figure for another, With smooth deceit abusing th' eyes of mortals.

TRIN. O my right arm! 'tis alter'd, and, methinks, Longs for a sword. These words have slain a ploughman.

ALB. And, since the moon's the only planet changing,[285]

For from the Neomenia in seven days To the Dicotima, in seven more to the Panselinum,[286]

And in as much from Plenilunium Thorough Dicotima to Neomenia, 'Tis she must help us in this operation.

TRIN. What towns are these? The strangeness of these names Hath scal'd the marks of many a painful harvest, And made my new-pil'd finger itch for dice.

PAN. Deeply consider'd, wondrous Alb.u.mazar!

O, let me kiss those lips that flow with science.

ALB. For by her various looks she intimates To understanding souls, that only she Hath power t' effect a true formation.

Cause then your parlour to be swept carefully Wash'd, rubb'd, perfum'd, hang'd round, from top to bottom, With pure white lunary tap'stry or needlework; But if 'twere cloth of silver, 'twere much better.

RON. Good, good! a rich beginning: good!--what's next?

ALB. Spread all the floor with finest Holland sheets, And over them, fair damask tablecloths; Above all these draw me chaste virgins' ap.r.o.ns: The room, the work, and workman must be pure.

TRIN. With virgins' ap.r.o.ns! the whole compa.s.s of this city Cannot afford a dozen. [_Aside._