The Beasts in the Void Part 2

"Okay--you're the skipper. If you've turned yellow and want to show your tail I guess there's nothing I can do about it."

He almost got his jaw broken, but I was able to hold myself. Then, suddenly, I didn't care. I didn't care whether Murdo stayed alive or got killed. As to the others--they'd come on the cruise with their eyes open. They deserved whatever they got. And I certainly didn't give a d.a.m.n about myself. Guess I wasn't cut out to skipper a s.h.i.+p. A skipper should care. That's all he _should_ do. Just care. I'd rather dream about Melody.

I don't know what the date is. The chronometer stopped so I don't even know what time it is. But what does it matter about the time if you don't even know what day it is? We just go on and on.

Murdo--I can't figure out. Windbag or not--braggart or no--he has an iron will. I think he's scared but he won't admit it. And some stubborn streak inside him won't let him turn tail and run. He hides his fear behind long accounts of his hunting trips. He describes the vicious animals he's killed. He bores us with accounts of his skill as a great hunter.

The rest listen because they have to. I go to my cabin and remember Melody.

The rest are scared too, but they're too scared of Murdo to let him know it. That's an odd one. Scared for your life but afraid to tell the big man because he might kill you. Would Murdo kill in a fit of rage? I don't know.

Keebler stays drunk so none of it bothers him. Keebler's wife, I think, is in love with Murdo but it's a kind of little-girl love. She never quite grew up. Kelvey glues himself to Murdo and sticks like a plaster. He seems to consider Murdo a haven, as though Murdo's bulk will make everything all right.

Jane Kelvey hasn't quit making pa.s.ses at me but they're half-hearted.

She bothers me. I'm uneasy when she's around. I get the feeling that any minute she might drop to her knees and beg. What do you do with a woman on her knees before you, begging? Maybe before long her husband will look good to her. Maybe she'll be able to get him away from Murdo's side for a while.

I look at both these women and realize what I lost. Melody.

Jane Kelvey came to my cabin. It's. .h.i.t her that things aren't right.

She's scared. She asked, "Why did you tell Murdo you wanted to turn back?"

"Because I thought we'd come too far."

"Do you still think so?"

"Everything will be all right."

"The instruments--are they working again?"

I lied to her. "They're working."

"Do you think it's really as Murdo says--that there are animals out in s.p.a.ce?"

"I don't know."

She looked wan and forlorn and I was sorry for her. She said, "I've only been on one hunting trip in my life."

"Is that so?"

"In India. A boy carried my gun for me. When the tiger came the boy handed me the gun and told me where to point. I fired but I didn't hit the tiger. Somebody else shot it."

"That was too bad."

"No, it was all right. He was such a big beautiful animal. So sleek and powerful."

I saw her body tremble as she closed her eyes. I said, "You better get some rest."

She pa.s.sed a hand over her eyes and then gave me an odd wistful smile.

"Animals are smarter, I think. We _do_ make awful messes out of our lives, don't we?"

"I'm afraid we do."

"But is it our fault? G.o.d makes us this way. We can't help that."

"No, I guess we can't."

"Why did G.o.d make us like we are?"

"I don't know, Jane. Let's hope _He_ does."

"Isn't that sacrilege or something? Doubting Him?"

"I guess it is."

She reached out suddenly and touched my face. "You're a nice guy. I don't blame you for slapping me."

"I'm sorry. You're pretty nice yourself."

The smile faded. "I'm not," she said miserably, and left the cabin.

Poor kid. I forgot her and thought of Melody.

Something's gone wrong with everything. Not a very scientific statement for a skipper to make but that's how it is. The stars have disappeared. The instruments jumped around as though they had minds of their own. The dial needles spin around like crazy.

And something else--something even worse. s.p.a.ce has _changed_. I mean there's something out there in s.p.a.ce. First I just felt it. A raw uneasiness. Then I trained a light through the port and I could see it. Stuff that looks like dust but isn't. It's hazy and yet it sparkles and you have a sense of being on a s.h.i.+p that's pus.h.i.+ng its way through a fog so thick the friction holds you back. And there's something more about this sparkling fog. You look out at it and it seems to be looking back at you. Or maybe I'm losing my mind. Anyhow, that's the way it seems. As though it's waiting for you to speak to it--say h.e.l.lo or something.

I guess I'm going crazy.

The sparkling fog is affecting the others, too. They've all quieted down and they slip along the bulkheads as though they were being followed. Only Murdo bl.u.s.ters back. He says, what the h.e.l.l? We expected something different, didn't we? Well, this is sure different enough, isn't it?

I'd turn back but I don't know how. I have nothing to go by. The instruments make no sense.

I _am_ going crazy. I looked out the port just now and saw a water buffalo. It was standing right out there in s.p.a.ce with its head down looking at the s.h.i.+p! I had a light turned on it and suddenly it charged and hit the port headon. It bounced off and went staggering away and disappeared.

But it left a big white scratch on the quartz outside. At least I think it did. Wait. I'll look again. Yes. A big white scratch. It's still there. So how can I be mad? Maybe it's a new kind of madness....

Some of the sparkling fog has penetrated the s.h.i.+p. Turn out the light and you can see it in the cabin. Not as thick as out in the void but thick enough to see; thick enough to stand there and ask you to talk to it.

Murdo is ready to turn back. He came to the control room and said, "I saw it out there."

"You saw what?"