The Knight. Part 18

W hen I went back to the durian, the Aelfmaidens were lying side by side, so quiet except for their hair that I was afraid they were dead. I called them Aelfmaidens instead of Khimairas because that was what they were. There was no Khimaira left in them. When I saw they were still breathing, I showed Ga.r.s.ecg the goblet I had found under the lime tree and asked if it was what he had meant. He said it was, and I said, "Should I bring them some water now?"

"It can do no harm, provided you rinse it well."

When I got it to the creek I took sand off the bottom and rubbed the inside with it. It had been sort of dull and stained-looking, but pretty soon I had it s.h.i.+ning. Then I washed it out good and filled it with clean, cold water. I propped one of the Aelf girls up, Uri I think, and held the goblet to her mouth. Ga.r.s.ecg was watching, not smiling or frowning or anything. Just watching. I said, "When Disiri's foot got suns.h.i.+ne on it, it didn't seem to hurt her." He nodded. "Thus you thought that it would do them no harm to bring 175.

them here. You would break Setr's hold, and restore them, to their proper shapes. I understand all that. But how did you know that the summit of this tower reached into your Mythgarthr?"

"Well, when they grabbed me and flew away with me, I thought this was where they were going," I said. "At first I thought it was just to drop me and kill me, but they could have done that without taking me up any higher. So I figured the top was where they roosted, and when we got there and they tried to eat me I might be able to outfight them. Only one got scared and let go of my leg, and when I got over being scared myself I sort of wondered what had gotten into it. I remembered about sunlight, and I knew it would fall if it turned back into a regular Aelf. Only there isn't any sun in Aelfrice, so if it thought we were getting too close to sunlight it had to be because we were getting too close to Mythgarthr."

Baki sat up. Back then, I was not too sure which was who, but now I know it was Baki. She said, "It is wonderful to fly." Her voice was pretty weak, and she kept her hands pressed to her temples. "Will I ever fly again?"

"You may resume the Khimaira-shape whenever you choose," Ga.r.s.ecg promised her, "and shed it, too, when you choose." I could see she did not understand, so I said, "You're free again," and let her hold the goblet of water.

"No, Lord." She tried to smile, and seeing it like that I just about cried. "Not free, nor do I want to be. I have a new master."

"Your slave," Ga.r.s.ecg explained, "as I warned you."

"I don't believe you ever promised to work for me," I told her, "or if you did, it was just a promise. You never swore or anything."

"L-Lord,you are wrong. I swore it in my heart, where you could not hear me."

After that I wanted to know about sailors, because I was still thinking about the bones I had found. I asked Ga.r.s.ecg if they saw the island the same way he and I had, and if they climbed way up here.

"This is the island they see." He waved his hand to show me what he meant. Without sitting up, the other Aelfmaiden said, "You d-did not see all when you were in A-Aelfrice, Lord."

"Okay, not the top or the other side, but I'm not sure that makes a lot of dif-Gene Wolfe - The Knight 176 ference. Do you Aelf leave bones when you die, the way we do?" Both of them said no, and Ga.r.s.ecg wanted to know why I was asking about it.

"When I carried Disiri I thought she was just a regular human woman. Did I tell you about that?"

"No," Ga.r.s.ecg said. "Nor did your dog, who confided that you had spoken often of your love for her when I was loath to come and heal you."

"Did you think I'd be afraid of you?" I asked him.

"No, I feared you would attack us, as so many of your kind do."

"Well, I didn't. Anyway, I never had carried a woman before, and I thought she'd weigh a lot more than she did. She wasn't much heavier than a little kid, even though she was . . . You know." I made curves with my hands. Ga.r.s.ecg smiled. "You shape a viola d'amore of air."

"If you say so. The thing is, I liked it and the real Disira wasn't anywhere near as nice. I liked it a lot."

"You were intended to."

"I guess. Only just now I found bones over there where you sent me to get the cup, and I thought it must have been one of the sailors you'd talked about, because the Aelf are so light and change shape. But I wanted to make sure." Ga.r.s.ecg said, "I doubt it."

"Well, if they're human bones. . ."

"They were the bones of a woman. Before you woke, I found the pelvis. The pelvis always settles that question."

"I wouldn't think you'd know about that."

"Because we see no human bones? I wish that you were correct. Do you also suppose that though your men sometimes enjoy Aelfmaidens, we in Aelfrice are never favored by human women?"

Baki wanted water too, and I brought her some. Her hands shook too bad for her to drink until I held the cup for her. I was thinking about Ga.r.s.ecg and what he had said and how he had sounded while she was drinking, and when she was finished I said it was none of my business, but maybe he had known some human girls?

"Yes, and seen their bones."

I said, "I'm sorry." I did not know what else to say. 177.

"So am I. You are still young, Sir Able. You'll find that life is a cruel bus iness."

"Let's not make it any worse. Were you wanting to go down to those armories now?" Ga.r.s.ecg shook his head.

"That's good, because I'm not going to leave them until they feel better." When I said that, Baki whispered, "I'll go with you."

"As far as the armories, maybe. I think that ought to be all right."

"Wherever you go, Lord." Baki's voice was so weak I could hardly hear her. A voice like that should not scare anybody, but it scared me. I said, "Are you talking about going to fight Kulili? That's crazy."

"Wherever you go . . ."

Ga.r.s.ecg said, "Do not argue with her, Sir Able. You'll tire her."

"All right." I had way too much to think about, but I was trying to think about it just the same. "You said I was still young, and you're right. I'm younger than you probably think. I don't know if I told you I'd been to Aelfrice twice before, only one time I don't remember it. We're going to have lots of time now, it seems like. So I'd like to tell you."

"Then do so."

"Like I said, I don't remember it. It's not like I lost track of the time, I lost track of everything. I don't know who I talked to, or what I did. I told a lady named Parka about it when I got back. It seemed like she was one of the Overcyns or something. Do you know her?" He shook his head.

"She said I was supposed to know about the wrongs of the Aelf so I'd tell people up here. Did you know me when I was in Aelfrice before?"

"No. Do you think the Aelf stole your memories?"

"I guess they must have."

"I cannot be certain," Ga.r.s.ecg said thoughtfully, "but it seems more probable this being you call Parka did it. Why should the Aelf complain to you and cause you to forget it?"

"I told her I didn't like them. It didn't make her mad or anything." His eyebrows went up. "Do you still feel that way?" I shook my head.

178.

"That is well. I was going to explain that it would be pointless of the Aelf to rob you of your memories when there was something they wished you to remember."

"Can you do it? Take memories away?"

"I cannot. Some say I am wiser than any Aelf, but I do not know a way to do that. What memories would you like to discard?"

"About America. My real name, and living there."

Uri said, "Is America your real name?"

"It's a place where I used to live. That was before I went to Aelfrice the first time."

Ga.r.s.ecg said, "A bad place, since you would forget it if you could."

"Not really. Only . . ."

"Only what?"

"Only I'm like that girl in the movie. I can't get it out of my head. I'm not going back, not even if I find the ruby slippers, because Disiri's here and not there. But I wish I could just forget about it. Sometimes I think Bold Berthold was my real brother, you know? He wasn't, but I think he was. I love him like he was, but I know he wasn't."

"Which you would like to forget."

"Right. He used to be a big strong man with a big black beard. He's told me about it, and he thinks I remember it. Then the giants came. The Angrborn. They hurt him really, really bad, and I don't think he'll ever get over it. I used to think that when people got sick, someday they'd be well. I may just be a kid, but I know better now."

"You miss the man you never knew."

"Yeah, sure. He was strong and smart and brave. We used to sit in his little hut at night--this is before Disiri--and he'd talk about things that had happened before he got hurt, and I could see what he had been like. I kept thinking it would be wonderful to be like that, only I never could be, not really." Baki sat up. She still looked pretty shaky. "You could never be what you are now?"

I tried to smile. It was not easy, but I tried and I guess I did it. "Oh, I'm plenty strong. Ga.r.s.ecg showed me all about the sea, so probably I'm stronger now than Bold Berthold ever was. But I'm not brave, and I'm not smart. Inside 179.

I'm still a kid. Outside I'm a man, I guess, or anyhow I look like one. But I was scared to death when we fought the Osterlings."

n.o.body said anything then, so I asked Ga.r.s.ecg if I had told him about that.

"No, but your dog did. You fought like a hero, and received the wound that the sea has healed."

"But I was scared. I was scared to death. Our sailors were fighting them through the rope net we'd put up, and I shot through it until all my arrows were gone."

"Slaying many."

I nodded.

"Then that was the best thing you could do. My Sea Aelf do not use the bow, which is of no value under water; but your Disiri's Moss Aelf are expert with it, and I have seen what slaughter one fine archer can make among his foes."

"They cut through the net." I was remembering a lot more than I was listen ing. "They were made of good tough ropes thicker than my thumb, but they cut them and our men were running. There wasn't anything else I could do." Ga.r.s.ecg smiled. "It required no courage, I am sure."

"That's right. I had to. I had Sword Breaker, and I yelled and jumped off the castle and one stabbed me and I fell down."

"Thus your s.h.i.+p was taken, and is now in the hands of the dreaded Osterlings." Ga.r.s.ecg shook his head like he felt sorry for me. "I failed to notice any when I went aboard, but it was due to my inattention, I feel sure."

"No, we chased them back onto their own boat. They cut the ropes and left some hooks behind, and--and went away."

Uri rolled her head to look at me. "Why, Lord?"

"I guess they were afraid we'd take it and kill the rest of them. We might have, too, if they hadn't cut the ropes."

Ga.r.s.ecg said, "Then you have omitted something from your account. I suspected it all along. You spoke of your fear, Sir Able of the High Heart."

"Yeah."

"And of leaping from the sterncastle, sword in hand." I explained about its not being a sword.

"Sword Breaker in hand, in that case. After that you spoke of being stabbed. Through your armor, as I understand it from your dog. You fell, I suppose to the 180.

deck."

I said yes.

"Yet your being stabbed and falling to the deck cannot have taken place immediately after your leap. What did?"

I said I had hurt some people, hitting them with Sword Breaker and so on.

"Some Osterlings."

"This isn't what I wanted to talk about," I told him, "this isn't it at all. I want to say how brave Bold Berthold used to be, and how strong. Only when I knew him he wasn't like that anymore. He was bent over, and sometimes he didn't think quite right. His beard had white in it, and he didn't want to go back to Griffins-ford to stay. Not ever. He just wanted to live in the forest where they couldn't find him. But they did. They found him, and now he's gone." I had to wipe my eyes with my fingers then, and after a while I said, "I'm sorry."

"For mourning the loss of your brother? The strongest may weep at such a time."

"This is what I wanted to say. I think what Disiri did was to make me grow up the way I would have if I hadn't been in Aelfrice."

Ga.r.s.ecg did not seem to want to say anything about that.

"It seems like ten years. I mean thinking about how I was before that night when she made me grow, and the way I am now. About ten years."

"Or less.""Only Bold Berthold, he's maybe thirty, forty years older--" Uri said, "I feel better now, Lord. I think I can stay up if you'll help me." I did, and she sort of snuggled.

Baki said, "You just wanted his arms around you."

Uri grinned at her. "They're very nice arms."

Kind of under my breath, I told Ga.r.s.ecg, "Sometimes I dream about the Osterlings."

"So do I--they sacrificed to us while they held the Mountain of Fire. Do you want my opinion on these matters?"

I said yes, I would really like it.

"I do not believe you will. Or at least I doubt that you will be willing to a ccept every side of it." For a minute Ga.r.s.ecg seemed to be thinking about where to start.

181.

"The first item, the Osterlings. You believe you lack courage because you feared them. Do you imagine that your brother would have felt no fear?"

"He fought the giants."

"And you the Osterlings, Sir Able. You were afraid, but you mastered your fear. Do you imagine they were not afraid of you? If you do, we will find a pool in which you can look at your reflection. You had armor?"

"A mail s.h.i.+rt and a steel cap. I bought them before we went on the boat."

"And Sword Breaker in your hand. Besides all of which, you were the man who had laid waste to them with the bow. Believe me, Sir Able, they feared you from the moment they laid eyes on you."