More Toasts Part 25

Dirty s.h.i.+rt, without a collar-- Never was a king Happy as that baby yonder, yelling at his play.

Little kiddies over there-- Solemn eyes and tangled hair-- Ten years old? That's still a baby!

What he's doin's baby stuff!

And the dignity of manhood Will be comin' quick enough!

Let him yell and squeal and whistle, Rollin' in the sand; Let him have the freedom of the whole back lot.

Things that hurt like thorn o' thistle Workin' in your hand You'll be wis.h.i.+n' some time that those things were not!

When I think of babies--old From the things that can't be told-- And then look at him a-dancin', Singin', shoutin', in his joy: Don't put out a hand to stop him!

Mother--let him be a boy!

William's uncle was a very tall, fine-looking man, while his father was very small. William admired his uncle, and wished to grow up like him. One day he said to his mother:

"Mama, how did uncle grow so big and tall?"

His mother said: "Well, when uncle was a small boy he was always a very good boy, and tried to do what was right at all times; so G.o.d let him grow up big and tall."

William thought this over seriously for a few minutes, then said: "Mama, what kind of a boy was papa?"

_See also_ Office boys.

BRIDES

And men relate that Mrs. Newlywed went to the grocery store to do her morning marketing. And she was determined that the grocer should not take advantage of her youth and inexperience.

"These eggs are dreadfully small," she criticized.

"I know it," he answered. "But that's the kind the farmer brings me.

They are just fresh from the country this morning."

"Yes," said the bride, "and that's the trouble with those farmers.

They are so anxious to get their eggs sold that they take them off the nest too soon!"

"h.e.l.lo! Is this you, mother, dear?"

"Yes, Sue? What is it? Something awful must have happened for you to call me up at this--"

"It's not so awful. But, John, dear, hasn't been feeling well and the doctor gave him pills to take every four hours. I've been sitting up to give them to him, and now it's about time for the medicine, and John has fallen asleep. Should I wake him?"

"I wouldn't if I were you. What is he suffering from?"

"Insomnia."

WIFE--"Oh, George, do order a rat-trap to be sent home today."

GEORGE--"But you bought one last week."

WIFE--"Yes, dear, but there's a rat in that."

"What kind of coal do you wish, mum?"

"Dear me, I am so inexperienced in these things. Are there various kinds?"

"Oh, yes. We have egg coal, chestnut--"

"I think I'll take egg coal. We have eggs oftener than we have chestnuts."

BROOKLYN

"Where can I find a map of Brooklyn, old man?"

"There ain't any such thing. No one has ever been able to make one."

BROTHERHOOD

The brotherhood of man begins with the manhood of the brother.

To live is not to live for one's self alone; let us help one another.--_Menander_.

We must love men, ere to us they will seem worthy of our love.--_Shakespeare_.

BURBANK

One day Luther Burbank was walking in his garden when he was accosted by an officious acquaintance who said:

"Well, what are you working on now?"

"Trying to cross an eggplant and milk-weed," said Mr. Burbank.