More Toasts Part 35

Mrs. Clogg went to find out where the missionary meeting would be held.

Willie Jones went because his mother made him.

His sister went because she had her hair up for the first time.

Sadie Williams went to flirt with the Scott boy.

The Scott boy went to flirt with Sadie Williams.

James B. Jenkins went because he had done so for fourteen years.

The s.e.xton went because he had to pump the organ.

One of the girl ushers in a Flatbush theater had a problem offered her the other evening. She was showing two women to their seats.

"Is the show this evening fit for church women to see?" asked one of the pillaresses of a Flatbush congregation.

"I--I don't know," responded the girl. Then she brightened. "You see,"

she said, "I don't have no time to go to church."

Mr. d.i.c.kson, a colored barber in a large New England town, was shaving one of his customers, a respectable citizen, one morning, when a conversation occurred between them respecting Mr. d.i.c.kson's former connection with a colored church in that place:--

"I believe you are connected with the church in Elm Street, are you not, Mr. d.i.c.kson?" said his customer.

"No, sah, not at all."

"What! are you not a member of the African Church?"

"Not this year, sah."

"Why did you leave their communion, Mr. d.i.c.kson, if I may be permitted to ask?"

"Well, I'll tell you sah," said Mr. d.i.c.kson, stropping a concave razor on the palm of his hand, "it war just like dis. I jined the church in good fait; I give ten dollars toward de stated gospill de fus' year, and de church people call me 'Brudder d.i.c.kson'; the second year my business not so good, and I gib only five dollars. Dat year the people call me 'Mr. d.i.c.kson.' Dis razor hurt you, sah?"

"No, the razor goes tolerably well."

"Well, sah, the third year I feel berry poor; had sickness in my family; and I didn't gib noffin' for preachin'. Well, sah, arter dat dey call me 'dat old n.i.g.g.e.r d.i.c.kson'--and I left 'em."

CHURCH DISCIPLINE

Two Methodist preachers, one white and the other colored, served rural charges in Mississippi which were conterminous. The negro received a considerably larger salary than his white brother, who asked him if it was not his custom to expel his members who failed to pay. "No, boss,"

he replied, "we would not like to put the gospel on a money basis. We gets them to subscribe, and if they don't pay we turns them out for lying."

CITIZENS

All the talk of hypenated citizens.h.i.+p has evidently had its effect upon a San Francisco youngster, American born, who recently rebelled fiercely when his Italian father whipped him for some misdemeanor.

"But, Tomaso," said one of the family, "your father has a right to whip you when you are bad."

Tomaso's eyes flashed. "I am a citizen of the United States," he declared. "Do you think that I am going to let any foreigner lick me?"

CITY AND COUNTRY

_See_ Country life.

CIVICS

Mrs. Profiteer was very proud of the stunts they were doing at the smart private school to which she had sent her daughter.

"My dear," she said to her friend, "she's learning civics if you please."

"What's civics?" asked the friend.

"Civics? My dear, don't you know? Why, it's the science of interfering in public affairs."

CIVILIZATION

France says it is art.

England says it is conquest.

America says it is energy.

Italy says it is song.

Russia says it is work.

j.a.pan says it is imitation.

Satan says it is his private "movie."

Nations, like individuals, live and die; but civilization cannot die.--_Mazzini_.