The Book of Anecdotes and Budget of Fun Part 68

A WEALTHY Jew, having made several ineffectual applications for leave to quit Berlin, at length sent a letter to the king imploring permission to travel for the benefit of his health, to which he received the following answer:

"Dear Ephraim,

"Nothing but death shall part us.

"FREDERICK."

THEATRICAL CRITICISM.

WHEN Woodward first played Sir John Brute, Garrick was present. A few days after, when they met, Woodward asked Garrick how he liked him in the part, adding, "I think I struck out some beauties in it." "_I think,_" said Garrick, "_that you struck out all the beauties in it._"

A MISTAKE.

FREDRICK I. of Prussia, when a new soldier appeared on the parade, was wont to ask him, "How old are you?--how long have you been in my service?--have you received your pay and clothing?" A young Frenchman who had volunteered into the service, being informed by his officer of the questions which the monarch would ask, took care to have the answers ready. The king, seeing him in the ranks, unfortunately reversed the questions:

Q. How long have you been in my service?

A. Twenty-one years, and please your majesty.

Q. How old are you?

A. One year.

The king, surprised, said, "Either you or I must be a fool." The soldier, taking this for the third question, relative to his pay and clothing, replied, "_Both_, and please your majesty."

CONSOLATION.

AN Irish officer had the misfortune to be dreadfully wounded in one of the late battles in Holland. As he lay on the ground, an unlucky soldier, who was near him, and was also severely wounded, made a terrible howling, when the officer exclaimed, "What do you make such a noise for? _Do you think there is n.o.body killed but yourself?_"

SEVERAL NEGATIVES.

"MISTER, I say, I don't suppose you don't know of n.o.body who don't want to hire n.o.body to do nothing, don't you?" "Yes, I don't."

DIFFERENT LINES.

A PERSON arrived from a voyage to the East Indies inquired of a friend after their mutual acquaintance, and, among the rest, one who had the misfortune to be hanged during his absence:

"How is Tom Moody?"

"He is dead."

"He was in the grocery line when I left this."

"He was in quite a different _line_ when he died."

NEGRO WIT.

A JAMAICA PLANTER, with a nose as fiery and rubicund as that of the _illuminating_ Bardolph, was taking his _siesta_ after dinner, when a mosquito lighting on his _proboscis_, instantly flew back. "Aha! ma.s.sa mosquito," cried Quacco, who was in attendance, "_you burn your foot!_"

THEATRICAL BON-MOT.

IN a very thin house in the country, an actress spoke very low in her communication with her lover. The actor, whose benefit it happened to be, exclaimed with a face of woeful humor, "My dear, you may speak out, there is n.o.body to hear us."

CONCISENESS.

LOUIS XIV. traveling, met a priest riding post. Ordering him to stop, he asked hastily, "Whence? whither? for what?" He answered, "Bruges--Paris--a benefice." "You shall have it."

ALLIES WILL FALL OUT.

A GENTLEMAN having to fight a main in the country, gave charge to his servant to carry down two c.o.c.ks. Pat put them together in a bag; on opening which, at his arrival, he was surprised to find one of them dead, and the other terribly wounded. Being rebuked by his master for putting them in the same bag, he said he thought there was no danger of them hurting each other, as they were going to fight _on the same side_.