Good Stories Reprinted from the Ladies' Home Journal of Philadelphia Part 14

_Rapid-Fire_

A frivolous young English girl, with no love for the Stars and Stripes, once exclaimed at a celebration where the American flag was very much in evidence:

"Oh, what a silly-looking thing the American flag is! It suggests nothing but checker-berry candy."

"Yes," replied a bystander, "the kind of candy that has made everybody sick who ever tried to lick it."

_Kipling at a Luncheon_

At a tea the other day, says "The New York Sun," a woman heard the following remarks made about her favorite author. She turned to listen, amazed by the eccentricities of conduct narrated.

"Yes, you know," the hostess was saying, "Kipling came in and behaved so strangely! At luncheon he suddenly sprang up and wouldn't let the waitress come near the table. Every time that she tried to come near he would jump at her.

"He made a dive for the cake, which was on the lower shelf of the sideboard, and took it into the parlor to eat it. He got the crumbs all over the sofa and the beautiful rug.

"When he had finished his cake he simply sat and glared at us."

The visitor finally could not control herself, and asked:

"Excuse me, but are you speaking of Mr. Rudyard Kipling?"

"Mr. Rudyard Kipling?" echoed the hostess. "Oh, no; Kipling is our dog!"

_Getting His Trousseau Ready_

The kindly 'Squire of the neighborhood was just leaving from a friendly social visit to Mrs. Maguire.

"And your son, Mrs. Maguire?" said the 'Squire as he reached for his hat. "I hope he is well. Busy, I suppose, getting ready for his wedding tonight ?"

"Well, not very busy this minit, 'Squire," answered the beaming mother. "He's upstairs in bed while I'm was.h.i.+ng out his trousseau."

_There Was a Chance_

"Going to send your boy on an ocean trip, are you?" said a friend to a father.

"Yes," replied the father. "You see, if there is anything in him I think a long sea voyage will bring it out."

_Deserved to be Tried_

The Judge was at dinner in the new household when the young wife asked: "Did you ever try any of my biscuits, Judge?"

"No," said the Judge, "I never did, but I dare say they deserve it."

_End of the Honeymoon_

An old married man happened to meet a beaming bridegroom on the latter'S first day at business after the wedding trip.

"h.e.l.lo!" said he; "finished your honeymoon yet?"

"I don't know," replied the happy husband, smiling. "I have never been able to determine the exact meaning of the word honeymoon."

"Well, then, has your wife commenced to do the cooking yet?"

_If You Have a Mole_

No one is said to be without a mole or two, and these are some of the prognostications that mole-wearers may draw from their brown ornaments;

A mole on the right side of a man's forehead denotes wonderful luck; on the right side of a woman's forehead, gifts from the dead.

On the left side of a man's forehead a mole denotes a long term in prison, on the left side of a woman's forehead, two husbands and a life of exile.

A man with a mole in the middle of his forehead has a cruel mind; a woman with such a mole is foolish and envious.

A mole on the neck in man or woman promises a long and happy life, wealth and fame.

A man with a mole on the left side of the upper lip rarely marries, and such a mole in the case of a woman denotes suffering.

On the right side of the upper-lip a mole promises great good fortune to both s.e.xes.

_Her Own Eyes Good Enough for Him_

A little Scotch boy's grandmother was packing his luncheon for him to take to school one morning. Suddenly looking up in the old lady's face, he said:

"Grandmother, does yer specs magnify?"

"A little, my child," she answered.

"Aweel, then," said the boy, "I wad juist like it if ye wad tak' them aff when ye're packin' my loonch."

_How Did He Know_?

After dinner, when the ladies had gone upstairs, the men, over their coffee and cigars, talked, as men will, of love.