Urban Banished Immortal Chapter 100

“Chen Guanbao, your original name does sound pretty nice. Hahah!” Jade said and laughed.

“The Monkey King changed my name to Chen Qingyuan after that, but I like my name now—Guo Huai. Good people don’t live long while the bad guys live forever. The name Guo Huai is indeed meaningful,” Guo Huai said smilingly.

[TL note: Huai (坏) means bad/naughty.]

“There’s only a century in the human world. I’ll go crazy with you in these hundred years then,” Jade said softly as she looked at Guo Huai who was happily drinking wine.

“Oh, since my dearest Fairy Jade finally understands this, why not we go and shower together? We can do the most enjoyable activity in the human world,” Guo Huai said as he kept his wine gourd before pulling Jade and disappearing into the bathroom.

“Wu Gang, Jade has reached the human world for a few hours already. Do you think she found that fellow Telepath Starlord yet?” a fairy at the most mysterious place in heaven asked. It was the Moon Palace. There laid a lady wearing full white on a wooden couch. No matter what position she was posing, she always seemed to blend perfectly with the surroundings. A beauty, no, this lady wasn’t a beauty, because the word ‘beauty’ couldn’t describe just how stunning she looked. She was Chang’er, the legendary character who was rumored to have stolen a heaven’s pill and abandoned her lover.

Wu Gang who was carrying his giant axe smiled and said, “Elder Sister, we may take a look ourselves to find out.”

“Naughty Boy, what are you doing? Go out now! We should bathe one by one!” Jade shouted. In the old Guo residence, Jade was pus.h.i.+ng Guo Huai really hard. Guo Huai didn’t move a step, his hands were wiping oil on Jade’s body unstoppably.

“My fairy wife, even Sister Chang’er agreed to let you come down for me. It seems like she has approved our relations.h.i.+p. You said it just now that you would go crazy with me in these hundred years. Did you forget what you said a few minutes ago so quickly?” Guo Huai asked with a naughty smile. His hands didn’t rest for the slightest moment.

“No! We can’t do it now...” Jade said softly. She didn’t expect Telepath Starlord to be so daring and perverted that he would treat her this way.

“Jade, we’re in the human world. Since you’re my wife, making love between couples is very common. Just obey your husband,” Guo Huai said and pulled Jade into his huge before turning the shower head on. Jade was heavily panting and slowly lost the ability to resist.

“Brother Huai, please no!”

“Brother Huai, I want it!”

“Brother Huai, I want it more!”

“W-what are they doing?!” Chang’er exclaimed loudly. She didn’t look at the Reverse Light Mirror but she heard Jade’s continuous moans, making her face to heat up.

“What they’re doing? They’re of course doing the action that both men and women love to do. Heheh, I didn’t know this fellow Telepath Starlord was this impressive. I met him a few times in heaven but didn’t know he was this courageous,” Wu Gang said as he looked at the scene happily.

“The action that both men and women love to do? Wu Gang, do you like it as well? Do you enjoy looking at the scene?” Chang’er asked as she squinted at Wu Gang.

“Of course I like it! I enjoy looking at this, but it doesn’t feel as good as when I’m in the battle myself unfortunately,” Wu Gang said without looking at Chang’er.

Bang! “Jerk, p.i.s.s off! Like your sister!” Chang’er shouted. Suddenly, Wu Gang got hit by an invisible force, knocking him back for tens of thousands of meters away before heavily smas.h.i.+ng into  the South Heaven Gate pillar. The people in the entire heaven felt a slight shake.

[TL note: ‘Like your sister’ is like ‘d.a.m.n your mother’ in this case. It’s a way to scold people.]

“Ahem, ahem. I don’t like my sister, I like you,” Wu Gang said senselessly. In his mind, he was still thinking about the exciting scene in the bathroom where Guo Huai and Jade were in.

“Wu Gang, I want you to die!” Following a loud noise in the heaven, a strike landed on Wu Gang once again, instantly knocking him out of the 33 heavens.

“Ahem, ahem. In what way did the fellow Wu Gang p.i.s.s her off again?” a few immortals who were playing chess said softly.

“Don’t say anything. She still hasn’t calmed herself down yet. Wu Gang could survive her strike but if it were to land on us, we wouldn’t even know how we’re going to die,” Barefoot Immortal said softly.

“Continue our chess game. Don’t overthink it,” Taibai Jinxing said softly.

“The action that both men and women love to do? Humph! I’m so p.i.s.sed right now. Why did I listen to the a.s.shole Hongjun Laozu earlier to send Jade into the human world. Urgh!” Chang’er said rudely as she panted.

“Hahahah! The action that both men and women love to do, not bad! This seems so interesting suddenly. I want to see what you two can come up with during these hundred years in the human world. Hahah!” The previously outraged Fairy Chang’er suddenly started laughing.

“Crazy woman… She’s indeed a crazy woman!” Hongjun Laozu who was teaching daoism said with a cunning smile. His students sitting below the speech stage got dumbstruck. They didn’t know their well-respected teacher would show this expression.

After changing countless battlefields in the war between Guo Huai and Jade, the two of them lied down on their bed. Guo Huai casually laid his hands on Jade’s bosom, asking, “Jade, did it feel good?”

“Hubby, I want more,” Jade said and looked at Guo Huai with her seductive eyes.

“Ahem, ahem. Jade, you shouldn’t say anything like that often. Otherwise, you’ll damage fate, you’ll hurt fate,” Guo Huai said. The three words that every man was afraid of was none other than ‘I want more’.

“Naughty Boy! What do you think will happen if Elder Sister knows how you’re treating me? Will she kill you?” Jade asked as she looked at Guo Huai.

“There’s only a hundred years in the human world. Fairy Chang’er wouldn’t interfere. Let’s sleep now, we still have things to do tomorrow,” Guo Huai said before falling asleep with Jade in his arms. He didn’t cultivate this night, he had cultivated enough for the day.

“Ah! The life in the human world is great!” Guo Huai said as he climbed out of his bed at nine in the morning. Jade was still asleep. After living for so long, it was his first time waking up so late.

Guo Huai was fully naked. As he looked at Jade, an unknown heat rushed to his heart once again. His devil hands once again reached out to Jade who was deep asleep.

“Stop it, Elder Sister, stop it,” Jade murmured half-awake as Guo Huai leaped onto Jade’s body. The entire house was filled with pa.s.sion for a whole hour.

“Scallion! You’re a scallion from head to toe!” Jade scolded loudly after coming out from the bathroom.

At this moment, Guo Huai got himself dressed and was drinking wine from his wine gourd. His other hand was holding the Laojun Gourd. He looked at Jade, thinking, Scold me all you want. Nothing’s gonna change anyway. Heheh.

“Naughty Boy, I’m hungry already. Get some food for me,” Jade said as she blushed. Some activities were indeed intense and required much energy.

“Today your hubby will cook with his own hands. There are quite a lot of good cooking materials in Laojun Gourd. We shouldn’t waste these resources,” Guo Huai said with a smile. He then walked to the kitchen happily.

When Guo Huai was searching for materials, he held the genital of a Sevenstar Devil Tiger. “d.a.m.n! Why is it so big? Don’t think it’s a good idea to eat this thing today. If I fail to control this firepower, I’d be in trouble if I implode myself,” Guo Huai said softly.

“Alright, I’ll just make some snake soup. I don’t need to be worried while eating this.” Guo Huai’s culinary skills were respectable, having lived for tens of thousands of years. After around an hour, a table full of delicious dishes were served. He and Jade then started chewing away.

“Naughty Boy, I didn’t know you could cook this well. Let’s not eat out anymore. Just stay home and cook at home,” Jade said with a smile.

Actually, the taste shouldn’t be credited to Guo Huai’s cooking skills. Using ingredients from heaven, they’d taste great as long as they were cooked. But Guo Huai still nodded with a smile. He had exhausted Jade for a whole day yesterday, it was his responsibility to make up for it.

“Since we’re satisfied from the food and wine, it’s time that we do something serious,” Guo Huai said as he brought Laojun Gourd to the courtyard. He then took out huge sticks of golden purple sandalwood from the gourd and placed them on the ground.