The Book of Humorous Verse Part 73

A RHYMESTER

Jem writes his verses with more speed Than the printer's boy can set 'em; Quite as fast as we can read, And only not so fast as we forget 'em.

_Samuel Taylor Coleridge._

GILES'S HOPE

What? rise again with _all_ one's bones, Quoth Giles, I hope you fib: I trusted, when I went to Heaven, To go without my rib.

_Samuel Taylor Coleridge._

COLOGNE

In Koln, a town of monks and bones, And pavements fanged with murderous stones, And rags, and hags, and hideous wenches, I counted two-and-seventy stenches, All well defined, and separate stinks!

Ye nymphs that reign o'er sewers and sinks, The river Rhine, it is well known, Doth wash your city of Cologne; But tell me, nymphs, what power divine Shall henceforth wash the river Rhine?

_Samuel Taylor Coleridge._

AN ETERNAL POEM

Your poem must _eternal_ be, Dear sir, it can not fail, For 'tis incomprehensible, And wants both _head_ and _tail_.

_Samuel Taylor Coleridge._

ON A BAD SINGER

Swans sing before they die:--'twere no bad thing, Should certain persons die before they sing.

_Samuel Taylor Coleridge._

JOB

Sly Beelzebub took all occasions To try Job's constancy and patience.

He took his honor, took his health; He took his children, took his wealth, His servants, horses, oxen, cows,-- But cunning Satan did _not_ take his spouse.

But Heaven, that brings out good from evil, And loves to disappoint the devil, Had predetermined to restore _Twofold_ all he had before; His servants, horses, oxen, cows-- Short-sighted devil, _not_ to take his spouse!

_Samuel Taylor Coleridge._

REASONS FOR DRINKING

If all be true that I do think, There are five reasons we should drink; Good wine--a friend--or being dry-- Or lest we should be by and by-- Or any other reason why.

_Dr. Henry Aldrich._

SMATTERERS

All smatterers are more brisk and pert Than those that understand an art; As little sparkles s.h.i.+ne more bright Than glowing coals, that give them light.

_Samuel Butler._

HYPOCRISY

Hypocrisy will serve as well To propagate a church, as zeal; As persecution and promotion Do equally advance devotion: So round white stones will serve, they say, As well as eggs to make hens lay.

_Samuel Butler._

TO DOCTOR EMPIRIC

When men a dangerous disease did 'scape, Of old, they gave a c.o.c.k to aesculape; Let me give two, that doubly am got free; From my disease's danger, and from thee.

_Ben Jonson._