Maine: A Novel Part 19

Father Donnelly drove Alice home around noon and was quickly persuaded to join them for lunch, even though he had a two oaclock meeting.

aIave got it just about ready,a Ann Marie said. aGive me fifteen minutes?a Alice went out to the front yard to pick some daylilies for the table. Father Donnelly said he wanted to take one more crack at the broken garbage disposal. Ann Marie decided to serve the chicken on croissants she had gotten at the Shop an Save two days earlier. She cut all eight of them in half and placed them on a baking sheet in a warm oven.

aYouare too good to us,a she told the priest as she sliced a tomato. aBut really, you shouldnat feel as though you have to do everything around here. Alice isnat alone, you know.a aItas no trouble,a he said. aI enjoy it. And anyway, my helping out is the least I can do, considering.a Down on all fours, he fiddled under the sink for a bit. She placed the tomato slices on a plate and set to chopping a red onion. She thought his words over, rolled them around in her head. It wasnat the first time he had said it.

Finally she asked, aConsidering what?a aYou donat know what your familyas generosity means to the church,a he said. aItas something we can count on, which is a precious gift, especially these days.a She smiled. She had no idea what he was referring to. Had Alice given St. Michaelas a lot of money? Ann Marie felt uneasy. She wondered if Pat knew. She took a pitcher down from a high shelf in the pantry. There were so many fewer dishes here than she remembered. She felt pleased that Alice had finally taken her advice and decluttered a bit.

Ann Marie cracked a tray of ice cubes, plopping half of them into the pitcher. Then she took the pitcher to the sink.

aOkay if I turn the water on for a sec?a she asked.

aAbsolutely.a He climbed to his feet. aI donat think I have the right part for this anyway. Iall have to go up to the hardware store in York and see what theyave got. I can come back after my meeting.a Three visits to the house in a single day? She said a silent prayer that Alice hadnat given the grandchildrenas inheritance away.

aHave you always been so handy?a she asked. She filled the pitcher and set it on the table, alongside the tomatoes and onions and the bowl of chicken salad. She removed the croissants from the oven.

aNot until I moved into a rectory where the former guy in charge thought the way to deal with a leaky roof was to buy more pots.a She forced out a chuckle.

aNeedless to say, moving into this house will certainly be an upgrade,a he said.

Ann Marie felt her heart speed up. aIam sorry?a The strangest thought went through her head: Was the priest somehow involved with Alice? She wasnat sure she could take that. Though her mother-in-law had always been flirtatious, she had never once seemed s.e.xual.

His cheeks grew pink. aI apologize. I shouldnat have said that. Naturally we hopea"well, we knowa"it will be many years. But being included in someoneas estate planning is the best we can ask for. It was beyond kind of your family, thatas all Iam saying. Weare so grateful.a aOf course,a she said, trying to understand. aSo, you mean aa Had Alice given him their home? She told herself not to look too bewildered, but he must have seen it in her expression.

He raised an eyebrow. aPlease tell me this isnat the first youare hearing of it.a Composure, she thought. Sometimes it helped her to focus on a single word. Composure.

aItas okay,a she said. aIam sure that aa But she couldnat think of a thing to say.

aI am so sorry,a he stumbled. aIt was Aliceas news to share, not mine. I must have gotten confused. I thought the whole family was in agreement on this.a She fixed her face with a plastic grin. aDonat be silly,a she said. aItas fine.a Ann Marie felt like she couldnat breathe. She needed to get away from him. She needed to talk to Pat.

aThe chicken salad!a she said, louder than she had meant to. aIt needs paprika.a aPaprika?a aYes!a she said. aJust look at it! Itas so bland. I usually add grapes but I didnat have any. Paprika will do the trick! Iall have to go over to the cottage and get some. Iam sure thereas some over there. Things like paprika have a way of sticking around forever over there. Okay, well.a Before he had time to respond, she was out the door, making a beeline for her car, the only place she could get decent cell reception up here.

Her anger surprised her. She thought of the money they had spent to build that huge house and cover all the regular costs, the snowy days when her husband had driven out here to shovel off the flat porch roof, the hours they had both put in, the countless times she had bitten her tongue just to keep the peace. And this was how her mother-in-law planned to repay them?

The Lord never sends us more than we can handle, she reminded herself. But she felt like she might have a breakdown, right then and there.

She dialed Patas cell instead of his work line. She was much too upset to have to make pleasantries with his secretary. When he answered, she told him everything in a rush.

aYou must have misunderstood him. This isnat the sort of thing my mother would do,a Pat said, but Ann Marie could tell that the wheels in her husbandas head were already turning. It was precisely the sort of thing Alice would do, and they both knew it.

aG.o.dd.a.m.n it,a he said loudly, giving her a start. aIall drive out there after work tonight and weall talk some sense into her.a She nodded. aGood. Oh, but Maggieas here.a aSo?a Ann Marie dropped her voice to a whisper, as if anyone could hear her out there in the car. aIs this really something we want to discuss in front of her?a Maggie would no doubt tell Kathleen, and she didnat need Patas sisters getting involved. It was hairy enough already.

aSheall be gone in four days and youall be here,a Ann Marie said. aShould we wait until then to talk to Alice?a aOkay,a he said. aMaybe itas a good idea to sleep on it anyway, and take a few deep breaths. I just wonder if she was in her right mind when she told him. Maybe she hasnat actually signed anything. I need to talk to Jim Lowenthal about the legality of all this.a His lawyer. Ann Marie began to cry. She didnat know how she could physically manage to get through the next few days, let alone lunch with Alice and that horrible priest. Having Maggie there would be a blessing. It would stop her from saying something she might regret.

As if sensing her thoughts, Pat asked, aDo you want to come home and weall go back up there together on the first?a If it werenat for the fact that her dollhouse was coming any day now, she might have said yes. But Ann Marie would have to stay.

She tried to sound positive. aNo, itall be all right. Itas justa"I donat understand why your mother would do this to us.a As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she realized there was no point wondering why Alice had done it. The Kellehers were crazy people, that was all.

Ann Marie felt crazy herself at the moment. She had the strongest urge to do something wicked. She remembered when her brother was a kid and used to put bags of dog p.o.o.p on peopleas front stairs and set them alight. And the time he chopped the head off every tulip in their neighboras front yard.

She wanted to say that this family would be the death of her, but there were Patas feelings to consider, too, so she held her tongue for now.

Kathleen.

Kathleen stopped at a gas station five miles outside Cape Nedd.i.c.k to buy cigarettes. She had already gone through an entire pack of Marlboro Lights and two Snickers bars on the drive from the airport.

Before yesterday, she hadnat smoked since eleventh grade, and even then only once or twice. Arlo would be shocked if he found out, but Arlo was home in California, the lucky b.a.s.t.a.r.d. He had been smart enough not to have children, so he would never know the peculiar sensation of caring terribly, insanely, for a person over whom you had no control; a person who was your responsibility yet no longer had to answer to you. This made Kathleen irrationally angry at him. She was angry at a lot of people right now. At Maggie, for dropping such a bomb on her in an e-mail. At Arlo, for acting like nothing was wrong. At Gabe, who was no doubt responsible for the whole mess. And most of all, in a vague way, at the Kellehers, who always found some method of drawing her back into the fray, of reminding her that underneath the AA mantras and the California calm, she was just the same old angry, overwhelmed girl she used to be.

Given the circ.u.mstances, she figured smoking was the least of many evils.

Kathleen drove slowly, trying to relax, reminding herself that life was messy, conflict inevitable. It didnat mean you had to fall apart.

When she read Maggieas e-mail five days earlier, she had sat still in front of her computer for several minutes, unable to move. She worried all the time about her daughteras safety in New York, about pickpockets and rapists and the diseases that could take young people out so fast. But this she had never feared, never pictured. Maggie had always been so responsible. Christ, Maggie had told her to go on the Pill when she was only a freshman in high school and years away from getting on it herself.

Kathleen had called down to Arlo in the den after a while, softly at first, and then louder and louder. She felt hysterical by the time she heard him climbing the stairs. When she showed him the e-mail, he whistled and said, aOh, man.a aI have to go to her,a she said.

aIt sounds like she wants you to sit with this for a while, let it sink in. She knows you well,a he said with a gentle smile.

aHow can you be so G.o.dd.a.m.n calm about this?a she had snapped. She tried to take a deep breath.

aBecause itas not the end of the world,a he said, rubbing her shoulders. aA baby is good news.a She shook his hands off.

aIam going out there to talk sense into her.a aMeaning what?a She considered the options, none of them entirely pleasant. Maggie should probably have an abortion, but Kathleen doubted her daughter could go through with that. Adoption might be a better choice for her. Joni Mitch.e.l.l did it, and she seemed to have recovered okay. I bore her but I could not raise her. Wasnat that how the song went?

But the thought of carrying a baby around inside of you for all those months and then having to say good-byea"she wasnat sure Maggie could handle that either.

aI donat know. Jesus. Why did this have to happen?a she said. aWhat does she expect me to do?a aI think she just wanted you to know and to be supportive,a Arlo said.

aIam her mother. I know her better than anyone,a she said.

aAnd?a aAnd nothing. Thatas it.a Arlo frowned. aI wish we had some money to give her, Kath.a She thought of the twenty thousand she had saved for the worm gin, but that was theirs; they needed it for the business. Even so, Kathleen felt guilty for not wanting to let it go.

They went to an AA meeting that night and a woman with gray-tinged skin and bottle-blond hair told a story about being so out-of-her-mind drunk that she left her kids in the car for hours one afternoon in the middle of August.

aI forgot all about them,a the woman said. aIam afraid they will hate me someday. I never thought Iad be the type to do something as awful as that.a Arlo held Kathleenas hand and she squeezed hard, imagining all the ways that motherhood could change a person, ways that you could simply never imagine for yourself until you were stuck right there in the middle of it. What if Maggie felt so desperate that she went back to Gabe? And if she didnat go back to him, how could she ever manage all on her own in that cold, unforgiving city? Both possibilities terrified Kathleen. She knew that it was Maggieas life, Maggieas decision, but she could not accept it.

When Kathleen had told Paul Doyle that she was pregnant with Maggie, he had seemed fl.u.s.tered at first, but then he said, Weall just get married! That was our plan anyway. She remembered thinking, Was it? for a moment, before feeling relieved.

Kathleen thought of how lonely she had felt parenting on her own after the divorce. That had been the hardest part.

An idea crept into her head then: Maggie would have to come live with them. They could give her support, help her look after the baby. The child would have green fields to run in, and a family of caring adults around, and the healthiest food on the planet to eat.

Out in the parking lot after the meeting, she told Arlo what shead been thinking.

aWould that be okay with you?a His eyes grew wide, as if he couldnat believe she had to ask. aOf course!a Kathleen loved him more than ever in that moment. She began to cry.

aWhatas wrong?a he asked.

aOur life,a she said. aItas going to end. No more walking around the house naked, no more privacy. I canat believe it. Why did this have to happen to me?a He c.o.c.ked his head. aYou do realize that youare acting as though one of us is dying. You need to get positive. A baby is coming!a aRight,a she said. aRight.a She pushed from her head the fear that maybe he was back on the dope. No, it wasnat that. He was just a good person. And he didnat know yet how hard it would be to have an infant in their house, crying at all hours.

She thought of asking Maggie to meet her at a hotel somewhere near the cottage. She could pay for a taxi. That way they could talk, really spend some time together, without Alice there poking her nose into things.

But she had been trying to call Maggie for days, and for days she had gotten voice mail. She responded to Maggieas e-mail, writing CALL ME!! in the subject line. But Maggie didnat write back. So Kathleen booked an overpriced flight to Boston, rented a car, and drove north without telling her daughter, or for that matter, her mother, that she was coming. And now here she was, driving down Briarwood Road, feeling so anxious that her insides seemed to itch.

It was after noon, which meant Alice was probably home from church and three-quarters of the way through her second bottle of wine. Kathleen hoped that she would see Maggie first and be able to talk to her in private right away.

As she made her way toward the cottage, she saw three cars in the drivewaya"Aliceas and two others. Driving closer, she recognized the blue Mercedes.

as.h.i.+t, s.h.i.+t, s.h.i.+t,a she said to herself. She pulled her car onto the property, and actually considered hitting the gas and plowing straight into it.

Maybe Pat had driven out to fix something. Maybe head leave immediately. She could only hope.

Kathleen took the keys from the ignition and sighed long and hard. When she got out, she could smell the ocean air. For a moment she felt almost peaceful. But within seconds, the driveras-side door of the Mercedes flew open and Ann Marie stepped out. What, had she been spying from the front seat? Was she able to smell the enemy from a hundred yards away?

Her sister-in-law came toward her.

aKathleen!a she said, sounding forced. aWell, this is a surprise.a It looked like Ann Marie had been crying. What the h.e.l.l was she doing here?

Kathleen had a sinking feeling in her gut.

aLikewise,a she said. aAre you up for the afternoon? Is Pat here too?a aNo, Iam here to care for Alice for a couple of weeks,a Ann Marie replied. aI arrived a few days ago.a The nerve of her, concocting a schedule for their collective home and then not observing it herself. Of course, the rules wouldnat apply to the king and queen, only to their minions.

aDuring my month?a Kathleen said in a joking tone that she hoped Ann Marie knew was no joke. aI donat remember you consulting me about that.a She smiled. aJust kidding.a aWell, actually, I did tell you I had concerns about leaving Alice alone up here,a Ann Marie said. aAnd no one told me Maggie was staying on.a aG.o.d, how is that possible?a Kathleen asked. aEveryone in this family is usually so good at communicating.a This was a bad way to start things off and she knew it. G.o.d, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. G.o.d, grant me the G.o.dd.a.m.n strength.

Kathleen tried again. aYou look good,a she said. aHave you lost some weight?a Actually, Ann Marie didnat look any different at all. If anything, a bit haggard.

aOh, thanks,a Ann Marie said. aIam seeing a trainer. I donat know if itas making a difference, really, but it feels good to at least try. Pat got me the sessions as a gift a couple years ago, but Iave started going more regularly lately.a aHow sweet of him,a Kathleen said.

Ann Marie nodded. aYes. He might have thought to say it with jewelry, but oh well.a They laughed in earnest. That was a good sign. One of the few things theyad ever bonded over was Patas emotional cluelessness, though really his wife didnat seem any more plugged in than he was.

aDo you know where Maggie is?a Kathleen asked.

aNapping in the cottage, I think,a Ann Marie said. aI was about to head over there to get her for lunch. Youare just in time for chicken salad.a aNapping?a Kathleen asked. She hoped Maggie wasnat feeling nauseous or depressed, or some combination of the two. And she absolutely hated that Ann Marie knew anything at all about Maggie that she herself did not. Was it possible Maggie had told her about the pregnancy? Was Ann Marie dangling the information in front of Kathleen now, taunting her with it?

Kathleen needed to be alone with her daughter.

aIall go get her,a she said, starting toward the cottageas screen door. aWeall meet you over at Aliceas in a bit.a But Ann Marie didnat take the hint. She followed close behind, saying, aActually, I need to get some paprika from the cottage kitchen.a aI can bring it to you,a Kathleen said.

aNo, thatas okay. You donat know where it is.a Kathleen sighed. She pictured herself slipping Maggie a note: Meet me in my rental car and weall get the h.e.l.l out of here.

She stepped into the screened-in porch, feeling as if she had stepped back in time. It was so much the same as it had been ten years ago, and ten years before that, and ten years before that. It even smelled the same. She hadnat expected to be here ever again. It felt odd, and she thought of Sonoma Valleya"the familiar road that cut through a vineyard and led to their house in Glen Ellen, with dog toys and bags of fertilizer strewn across the front lawn. That was home now.

She walked through the front hall. Her fatheras old Red Sox hat had hung on a hook by the door there for as long as she could remember, but it was gone. She wondered where.

Kathleen found Maggie in the living room, reading in the armchair. She still had a baby face, and Kathleen recalled her in this same position as a childa"cozy and safe, curled up with a book. She felt that same old urge to protect her at all costs.

aMags?a she said.

Maggie looked up, registering her presence. aMom!a Ann Marie buzzed around behind them. aYes, your momas here. Maggie, you didnat tell us she was coming!a Maggie rose and hugged Kathleen hard. aI didnat know.a aIt was a surprise,a Kathleen said to Ann Marie, trying to sound cheerful, as if she did this sort of thing all the time.

aWhen did you get here?a Maggie asked.

aI flew into Boston this morning.a aWhy didnat you tell me you were coming?a aI tried. You never have your cell phone turned on.a aI told you the reception is crummy out here. You should have called on the house line.a Maggie took a step back. aHave you been smoking?a aWhat? No.a Kathleen had thought her daughter would be happier to see her. The usual ease between them was missing. Of course, that was because they both knew why she was standing here, but neither of them could speak freely.

She would have to be direct, but polite. aAnn Marie, could you give us a few minutes?a she asked. The words came out sounding harsher than shead intended.

aIad be happy to,a Ann Marie said. aExcept Connoras eating with us and he has to get back to the church for a meeting, soa"a aConnor?a Kathleen asked.

aThe priest I told you about,a Maggie said.

Oh. Well, naturally.

Maggie continued, aThatas okay, weall come now. We can catch up later.a Kathleen had to fight off the feeling that her daughter wanted an out.

aYes, sure,a she agreed. aWeall eat fast.a When they arrived next door, Alice was sitting at the kitchen table, smoking away, and talking to a handsome young guy in jeans.

She gave a dramatic start when she saw Kathleen standing there.

aMy G.o.d, have you ever heard of a telephone?a aNice to see you, too, Mom.a Her motheras face changed, her lips curling up into a grin. Maybe she had just remembered that they had company, and male company at that.

aItas a surprise to see you here again, thatas all. How long has it been since you were here? Five years?a aTen.a She had to know that Kathleen had stayed away since Daniel died, didnat she?

aThis is Father Donnelly,a Alice said. aMeet my older daughter, Kathleen.a He extended a hand. aItas a pleasure.a aSit, sit,a Alice said, suddenly in hostess mode. aEverybody sit. Ann Marieas made a gorgeous chicken salad.a There was a bottle of white wine on the table. Really? They needed it at lunch?

Ann Marie held up a dusty gla.s.s jar full of red powder.

aThe paprika,a she said knowingly to the priest. She began shaking it over the chicken as if it were her goal to empty the entire contents of the bottle right then and there.

aI think thatas enough, donat you?a Alice said, looking to Maggie and raising an eyebrow in the direction of Ann Marie. aThis isnat a curry house, darling.a Maggie laughed, and Kathleen was right back on that beach in the Bahamas, watching the two of them drinking rum, Alice trying to pull her daughter into all that Kathleen had tried to s.h.i.+eld her from.

Alice looked Kathleen over. aYou look good. Youare keeping most of the weight off, I see.a Kathleen gritted her teeth. aThanks.a aIave already sworn off chowder for the rest of the summer myself,a Alice said, though she had never taken more than two bites of chowder in a sitting in her life. aWe should probably all do that. So what on earth made you decide to come out here now? Thereas only a few more days in June, you know.a aI invited her!a Maggie said quickly, and Kathleen understood then that Maggie hadnat told them about her situation. She felt relief for the first time in days.

Alice poured the wine. When she got to Maggieas gla.s.s, Maggie placed her palm facedown over the top.

aOh, right,a Alice said, and rolled her eyes. aYou know, Father, this used to be a dry town. My daughter and granddaughter here would have fit right in.a aReally?a he said. aI didnat know that.a aYes! Can you imagine? Until the sixties, when you wanted to go out, you had to go to these silly Oriental tearooms. What a snooze.a aBut you managed,a Kathleen said. She turned to the priest. aShe imported her whiskey from the local liquor store in Ma.s.sachusetts. Until she stopped drinking herself, that is.a Alice shot her a look, but then said, aGuilty as charged. We never had the money to go out much anyway, in those days.a Across the table, Ann Marie began scooping the chicken salad onto the croissants. After each scoop, she slammed the heavy metal serving spoon against the china.

aCareful!a Alice said.

Ann Marie didnat respond.

aAre you feeling all right?a Alice asked her.

aFine. Why?a Alice shook her head.

The priest piped up then. aThere may be something Ann Marie and I should mention,a he said.