Phil Purcel, The Pig-Driver; The Geography Of An Irish Oath; The Lianhan Shee Part 18

This was, perhaps, the only point on which Peter was accessible. He felt staggered at such an unexpected intimation, and was for some time silent.

"You will then feel," added the priest, "that your drunkenness is prolonging the sufferings of your wife, and that she is as much concerned in your being sober as you are yourself."

"I will give in," replied Peter; "I didn't see the thing in that light.

No--I will give it up; but if I swear against it, you must allow me a rasonable share every day, an' I'll not go beyant it, of coorse. The truth is, I'd die soon if I gev it up altogether."

"We have certainly no objection against that," said the priest, "provided you keep within what would injure your health, or make you tipsy. Your drunkenness is not only sinful but disreputable; besides, you must not throw a slur upon the character of your children, who hold respectable and rising situations in the world."

"No," said Peter, in a kind of soliloquy, "I'd lay down my life, avoumeen, sooner nor I'd cause you a minute's sufferin'. Father Mulcahy, go an wid the ma.s.ses. I'll get an oath drawn up, an' whin it's done, I'll swear to it. I know a man that'll do it for me."

The priest then departed, quite satisfied with having accomplished his object; and Peter, in the course of that evening, directed his steps to the house of the village schoolmaster, for the purpose of getting him to "draw up" the intended oath.

"Misther O'Flaherty," said he, "I'm comin' to ax a requist of you an'

I hope you'll grant it to me. I brought down a sup in this flask, an'

while we're takin' it, we can talk over what I want."

"If it be anything widin the circ.u.mference of my power, set it down, Misther Connell, as already operated upon. I'd drop a pen to no man at keepin' books by double enthry, which is the Italian method invinted by Pope Gregory the Great. The Three sets bear a theological ratio to the three states of a thrue Christian. 'The Waste-book,' says Pope Gregory, 'is this world, the Journal is purgatory, an' the Ledger is heaven. Or it may be compared,' he says, in the priface of the work, 'to the three states of the Catholic church--the church Militant, the church Suffering and the church Triumphant.' The larnin' of that man was beyant the reach of credibility."

"Arra, have you a small gla.s.s, Masther? You see, Misther O'Flaherty, it's consarnin' purgatory, this that I want to talk about."

"Nancy, get us a gla.s.s--oh, here it is! Thin if it be, it's a wrong enthry in the Journal."

"Here's your health, Masther!--Not forgetting you, Mrs. O'Flaherty.

No, indeed, thin it's not in the Journal, but an oath I'm goin' to take against liquor."

"Nothin' is asier to post than it is. We must enter it it undher the head of--let me see!--it must go in the spirit account, undher the head of Profit an' Loss, Your good health, Mr. Connell!--Nancy, I dhrink ta your improvement in imperturbability! Yes, it must be enthered undher the"----

"Faix, undher the rose, I think," observed Pether; "don't you know the smack, of it? You see since I took to it, I like the smell o' what I used to squeeze out o' the barley myself, long ago. Mr. O'Flaherty, I only want you to dhraw up an oath against liquor for me; but it's not for the books, good or bad. I promised to Father Mulcahy, that I'd do it. It's regardin' my poor Ellish's sowl in purgatory."

"Nancy, hand me a slate an' cutter. Faith, the same's a provident resolution; but how is it an' purgatory concatenated?"

"The priest, you see, won't go an wid the ma.s.ses for her till I take the oath."

"That's but wake logic, if you ped him for thim."

"Faix, an' I did--an' well, too;--but about the oath? Have you the pencil?"

"I have; jist lave the thing to me."

"Asy, Masther--you don't undherstand it yit. Put down two tumblers for me at home."

"How is that, Misther Connell?--It's mysterious, if you're about to swear against liquor!"

"I am. Put down, as I said, two tumblers for me at home--Are they down?"

"They are down--but"--

"Asy!--very good!--Put down two more for me at Dan's. Let me see!--two more; behind the garden. Well!--put down one at Father Mulcahy's;--two more at, Frank M'Carrol's of Kilclay. How many's that?"

"Nine!!!"

"Very good. Now put down one wid ould' Bartle Gorman, of Cargah; an' two over wid honest Roger M'Gaugy, of Nurchasey. How-many have you now?"

"Twelve in all!!!! But, Misther Connelly there's a demonstration badly wanted here. I must confis I was always bright, but at present I'm as dark as Nox. I'd thank you for a taste of explanation."

"Asy, man alive! Is there twelve in all?"

"Twelve in all: I've calculated them."

"Well, we'll hould to that. Och, och!--I'm sure, avourneen, afore I'd let you suffer one minute's pain, I'd not scruple to take an oath against liquor, any way. He may go an wid the ma.s.ses now for you, as soon as he likes! Mr. O'Flaherty, will you put that down on paper,--an'

I'll swear to it, wid a blessin', to-morrow."

"But what object do you wish to effectuate by this?"

"You see, Masther, I dhrink one day wid another from a score to two dozen tumblers, an' I want to swear to no more nor twelve in the twenty-four hours."

"Why, there's intelligibility in that!--Wid great pleasure, Mr.

Connell, I'll indite it. Katty, tare me a lafe out o' Brian Murphy's copy there."

"You see, Masther, it's for Ellish's sake I'm doin' this. State that in the oath."

"I know it; an' well she desarved that specimen of abstinence from you, Misther Connell. Thank you!--Your health agin! an' G.o.d grant you grace an' fort.i.tude to go through wid the same oath!--An' so he will, or I'm greviously mistaken in you."

"OATH AGAINST LIQUOR,

made by me, Cornelius O'Flaherty, Philomath, on behalf of Mr. Peter Connell, of the cross-roads, Merchant, on one part--and of the soul of Mrs. Ellish Connell, now in purgatory, Merchantess, on the other.

"I solemnly and meritoriously, and soberly swear, that a single tumbler of whiskey punch shall not cross my lips during the twenty-four hours of the day, barring twelve, the locality of which is as followeth:

"Imprimis--Two tumblers at home, 2 Secundo--Two more ditto at my son Dan's, 2 Tertio--Two more ditto behind my own garden, 2 Quarto--One ditto at the Reverend Father Mulcahy's, 1 Quinto--Two more ditto at Frank M'Carroll s, of Kilclay, 2 s.e.xto--One ditto wid ould Bartle Gorman, of Cargah, 1 Septimo--Two more ditto wid honest Roger M'Gaugy, of Nurchasey, 2 ==== 12 N.B.--Except in case any Docthor of Physic might think it right and medical to ordher me more for my health; or in case I could get Father Mulcahy to take the oath off of me for a start, at a wedding, or a christening, or at any other meeting of friends where there's drink.

his Peter X Connell.

mark.

Witness present, Cornelius O'Flaherty, Philomath.

_June the 4th, 18--_

I certify that I have made and calculated this oath for Misther Pettier Connell, Merchant, and that it is strictly and arithmetically proper and correct.

"Cornelius O'Flaherty, Philomath.

"_Dated this Mh day of June, 18--_."

"I think, Misther O'Flaherty, it's a dacent oath as it stands. Plase G.o.d, I'll swear to it some time to-morrow evenin'."

"Dacent! Why I don't wish to become eulogistically addicted; but I'd back tha same oath, for both grammar and arithmetic, aginst any that ever was drawn up by a lawyer--ay, by the great Counsellor himself!--but faith, I'd not face him at a Vow, for all that; he's the greatest man at a Vow in the three kingdoms."

"I'll tell you what I'm thinkin', Masther--as my hand's in, mightn't I as well take another wid an ould friend of mine, Owen Smith, of Lisbuy?