The Handbook of Conundrums Part 36

Tar-tar.

What is that which lives in winter, dies in summer, and grows with its root upwards? An icicle.

Water soft is my first, water hard is my second, Sticks made of my whole are by many sweet reckon'd.

Liquor-ice (licorice).

From a number that's odd cut off the head, It then will even be.

Its tail, I pray, next take away, Your mother then you'll see.

Seven--even--Eve.

My first is of ill.u.s.trious line, Of beauteous form and face divine; Which when my second does a.s.sail, Both form and beauty then do fail; My whole an arduous task to do With wives who hoity-toity ways pursue.

Man-age.

A stranger comes from foreign sh.o.r.es, Perchance to seek relief; Curtail him, and you find his tale Unworthy of belief; Curtailed again, you recognize An old Egyptian chief.

Alien--a lie--Ali.

An ugly little fellow, that some might call a pet, Was easily trans.m.u.ted to a parson when he ate; And when he set off running, an Irishman was he; Then took to wildly raving, and hung upon a tree.

Cur, cur-ate, Cur-ran, cur-rant.

Ere Adam was, my early days began; I ape each creature, and resemble man; I gently creep o'er tops of tender gra.s.s, Nor leave the least impression where I pa.s.s; Touch me you may, but I can ne'er be felt, Nor ever yet was tasted, heard, or smelt, Yet seen each day; if not, be sure at night You'll quickly find me out by candlelight.

Shadow.

'Twas whispered in Heaven, 'twas muttered in h.e.l.l, And echo caught faintly the sound as it fell; On the confines of earth 'twas permitted to rest, And the depths of the ocean its presence confessed.

'Twill be found in the sphere when 'tis riven asunder, Be seen in the lightning, and heard in the thunder.

'Twas allotted to man with his earliest breath, Attends at his birth, and awaits him in death; It presides o'er his happiness, honor, and health, Is the prop of his house, and the end of his wealth.

In the whispers of conscience its voice will be found, Nor e'en in the whirlwind of pa.s.sion be drowned.

In the heaps of the miser 'tis h.o.a.rded with care, But is sure to be lost by his prodigal heir.

'Twill not soften the heart, and though deaf to the ear, 'Twill make it acutely and instantly hear.

Without it the soldier and sailor may roam, But woe to the wretch who expels it from home!

So in shade let it rest, like a delicate flower: Oh, breathe on it softly, it dies in an hour!

The letter "H."

STORIES

How do you punctuate the sentence, "I saw a five-dollar bill on the street?" Make a dash after it.

There was a carpenter who made a cupboard door; it proved too big. He cut it, and unfortunately, he cut it too little; he thereupon cut it again, and made it fit beautifully. How was this? He did not cut it enough the first time.

There are twelve birds in a covey. A hunter kills a brace, then how many remain? None, for, unless they are idiots, they fly away.

A one-eyed beggar bet a friend that he could see more with one eye than his friend could with two. How was this? Because he saw his friend's two eyes, whilst the other only saw his one.

A hunter and his dog went out hunting. The dog went not behind, went not before, nor on one side of him. Where did he go? On the other side.

Which would you rather--look a greater fool than you are, or be a greater fool than you look? (Let the person choose, then say, "That is impossible.")

Which would you rather--that a lion ate you or a tiger? Why, you would rather that the lion ate the tiger, of course.

A man stopped before the window of a trunk store; within, a large trunk was marked "$25.00," a medium-sized one "$15.00," and a small one bore the placard, "This size for $5.00." "So do I," the man said, and walked on.

A man was crossing a bridge over a small stream, and noticed a sign which read, "Don't fish here." "Do they?" he asked, and walked on.

AGE CONTEST

What age will people reach if they live long enough? Dotage.

To what age do most people look forward? Marriage.

A necessary attribute of a soldier? Courage.

What age is required at sea? Tonnage.

What age are we forbidden to wors.h.i.+p? Image.

What age do people get stuck on? Mucilage.

What age is neither more nor less? Average.

What is the age of profanity? Damage.

At what age will vessels ride safely? Anchorage.

What age does the infant in arms pa.s.s through? Crib-bage.

What age does the small boy enjoy? Sauce-age (sausage).

What age is the young lady most interested in? Garb-age.

What age does the child in primary school dislike? Ad(d)-age.

What age does the bride desire? Dotage.

What age is necessary for a clergyman? Parsonage.

What is the age of communication? Postage.

What age is most important to travelers? Mileage.

What is the age of slavery? Bondage.

What age is served for breakfast? Sausage.

What is the most indigestible age? Cabbage.

What age signifies the farmer? Tillage.

What age belongs to travelers? Baggage.