Nye and Riley's Wit and Humor Part 10

"_Curly Locks! Curly Locks! wilt thou be mine?

Thou shalt not wash the dishes, nor yet feed the swine-- But sit on a cus.h.i.+on and sew a fine seam, And feast upon strawberries, sugar and cream._"

Curly Locks! Curly Locks! wilt thou be mine?

The throb of my heart is in every line, And the pulse of a pa.s.sion, as airy and glad In its musical beat as the little Prince had!

Thou shalt not wash the dishes, nor yet feed the swine!-- O, I'll dapple thy hands with these kisses of mine Till the pink of the nail of each finger shall be As a little pet blush in full blossom for me.

But sit on a cus.h.i.+on and sew a fine seam, And thou shalt have fabric as fair as a dream,-- The red of my veins, and the white of my love, And the gold of my joy for the braiding thereof.

And feast upon strawberries, sugar and cream From a service of silver, with jewels agleam,-- At thy feet will I bide, at thy beck will I rise, And twinkle my soul in the night of thine eyes!

"_Curly Locks! Curly Locks! wilt thou be mine?

Thou shalt not wash the dishes, nor yet feed the swine; But sit on a cus.h.i.+on and sew a fine seam, And feast upon strawberries, sugar and cream._"

Lines on Turning Over a Pa.s.s

[Ill.u.s.tration]

Some newspaper men claim that they feel a great deal freer if they pay their fare.

That is true, no doubt; but too much freedom does not agree with me. It makes me lawless. I sometimes think that a little wholesome restriction is the best thing in the world for me. That is the reason I never murmur at the conditions on the back of an annual pa.s.s. Of course they restrict me from bringing suit against the road in case of death, but I don't mind that. In case of my death it is my intention to lay aside the cares and details of business and try to secure a change of scene and complete rest. People who think that after my demise I shall have nothing better to do than hang around the musty, tobacco-spattered corridors of a court-room and wait for a verdict of damages against a courteous railroad company do not thoroughly understand my true nature.

But the interstate-commerce bill does not shut out the employe! Acting upon this slight suggestion of hope, I wrote, a short time ago, to Mr.

St. John, the genial and whole-souled general pa.s.senger agent of the Chicago, Rock Island & Pacific Railroad, as follows:

ASHEVILLE, N. C., Feb. 10, 1887.

E. St. John, G. P. A., C., R. I. & P. R'y, Chicago.

Dear Sir:--Do you not desire an employe on your charming road? I do not know what it is to be an employe, for I was never in that condition, but I pant to be one now.

Of course I am ignorant of the duties of an employe, but I have always been a warm friend of your road and rejoiced in its success. How are your folks?

Yours truly,

COL. BILL NYE.

Day before yesterday I received the following note from General St.

John, printed on a purple typewriter:

CHICAGO, Feb. 13, 1887.

Col. Bill Nye, Asheville, N. C.

Sir:--My folks are quite well.

Yours truly,

E. ST. JOHN.

I also wrote to Gen. A. V. H. Carpenter, of the Milwaukee road, at the same time, for we had corresponded some back and forth in the happy past. I wrote in about the following terms:

ASHEVILLE, N. C., Feb. 10, 1887.

A. V. H. Carpenter, G. P. A. C., M. & St. P. R'y, Milwaukee, Wis.

Dear Sir:--How are you fixed for employes this spring?

I feel like doing something of that kind and could give you some good endors.e.m.e.nts from prominent people both at home and abroad.

What does an employe have to do?

If I can help your justly celebrated road any here in the South do not hesitate about mentioning it.

I am still quite lame in my left leg, which was broken in the cyclone, and cannot walk without great pain.

Yours with kindest regards,

BILL NYE.

I have just received the following reply from Mr. Carpenter:

MILWAUKEE, Wis., Feb. 14, 1887.

Bill Nye, Esq., Asheville, N. C.

Dear Sir:--You are too late. As I write this letter, there is a string of men extending from my office door clear down to the Soldiers' Home.

All of them want to be employes. This crowd embraces the Senate and House of Representatives of the Wisconsin Legislature, State officials, judges, journalists, jurors, justices of the peace, orphans, overseers of highways, fish commissioners, pugilists, widows of pugilists, unidentified orphans of pugilists, etc., etc., and they are all just about as well qualified to be employes as you are.

I suppose you would poultice a hot box with pounded ice, and so would they.

I am sorry to hear about your lame leg. The surgeon of our road says perhaps you do not use it enough.

Yours for the thorough enforcement of law,

A. V. H. CARPENTER. Per G.

Not having written to Mr. Hughitt of the Northwestern road for a long time, and fearing that he might think I had grown cold toward him, I wrote the following note on the 9th:

ASHEVILLE, N. C., Feb. 9, 1887.

Marvin Hughitt, Second Vice-President and General Manager Chicago & Northwestern Railway, Chicago, Ill.

Dear Sir:--