Diary in America Volume I Part 22

The word "enthusiasm," in the south, is changed to "entuzzy-muzzy."

In the Western states, where the rac.o.o.n is plentiful, they use the abbreviation 'c.o.o.n when speaking of people. When at New York, I went into a hair-dresser's shop to have my hair cut; there were two young men front the west--one under the barber's hands, the other standing by him.

"I say," said the one who was having his hair cut, "I hear Captain is in the country."

"Yes;" replied the other, "so they say; I should like to see the 'c.o.o.n."

"I'm a _gone 'c.o.o.n_" implies "I am distressed--_or_ ruined--_or_ lost."

I once asked the origin of this expression, and was very gravely told as follows:--

"There is a Captain Martin Scott (already mentioned in the Diary) in the United States Army who is a remarkable shot with a rifle. He was raised, I believe, in Vermont. His fame was so considerable through the state, that even the animals were aware of it. He went out one morning with his rifle, and spying a rac.o.o.n upon the upper branches of a high tree, brought his gun up to his shoulder; when the rac.o.o.n perceiving it, raised his paw for a parley. 'I beg your pardon, mister,' said the rac.o.o.n, very politely; 'but may I ask you if your name is Scott?'--'Yes,' replied the captain.--'_Martin_ Scott?' continued the rac.o.o.n--'Yes,' replied the captain--'_Captain_ Martin Scott?' still continued the animal.--'Yes,' replied the captain, 'Captain Martin Scott?'--'Oh! then,' says the animal, 'I may just as well come down, for I'm a _gone 'c.o.o.n_.'"

But one of the strangest perversions of the meaning of a word which I ever heard of is in Kentucky, where sometimes the word _nasty_ is used for _nice_. For instance: at a rustic dance in that state a Kentuckian said to an acquaintance of mine, in reply to his asking the name of a very fine girl, "That's my sister, stranger; and I flatter myself that she shows the _nastiest_ ankle in all Kentuck"--_Unde derivatur_, from the constant rifle-practice in that state, a good shot or a pretty shot is termed also a nasty shot, because it would make a _nasty_ wound: _ergo_, a nice or pretty ankle becomes a _nasty_ one.

The term for all baggage, especially in the south or west, is "plunder."

This has been derived from the buccaneers, who for so long a time infested the bayores and creeks near the mouth of the Mississippi, and whose luggage was probably very correctly so designated.

I must not omit a specimen of American criticism.

"Well, Abel, what d'ye think of our native genus, Mister Forrest?"

"Well, I don't go much to theatricals, that's a fact; but I do think _he piled the agony up a little too high_ in that last scene."

The gamblers on the Mississippi use a very refined phrase for "cheating"--"playing the advantages over him."

But, as may be supposed, the princ.i.p.al terms used are those which are borrowed from trade and commerce.

The rest, or remainder, is usually termed the balance.

"Put some of those apples into a dish, and the _balance_ into the storeroom."

When a person has made a mistake, or is out in his calculation, they say, "You missed a figure that time."

In a skirmish last war, the fire from the British was very severe, and the men in the American ranks were falling fast, when one of the soldiers stepped up to the commanding officer and said, "Colonel, don't you think that we might compromise this affair?" "Well, I reckon I should have no objection to _submit it to arbitration_ myself," replied the colonel.

Even the thieves must be commercial in their ideas. One rogue meeting another, asked him what he had done that morning; "Not much," was the reply, "I've only _realised_ this umbrella."

This reminds me of a conversation between a man and his wife, which was overheard by the party who repeated it to me. It appears that the lady was economically inclined, and in cutting out some s.h.i.+rts for her husband, resolved that they should not descend much lower than his hip; as thereby so much linen would be saved. The husband expostulated, but in vain. She pointed out to him that it would improve his figure, and make his nether garments set much better; in a word, that long s.h.i.+rt-tails were quite unnecessary; and she wound up her arguments by observing that linen was a very expensive article, and that she could not see what on earth was the reason that people should stuff so much _capital_ into their pantaloons.

There is sometimes in the American metaphors, an energy which is very remarkable.

"Well, I reckon, that from his teeth to his toe-nail, there's not a human of a more conquering nature than General Jackson."

One _gentleman_ said to me, "I wish I had all h.e.l.l boiled down to a pint, just to pour down your throat."

It is a great pity that the Americans have not adhered more to the Indian names, which are euphonous, and very often musical; but, so far from it, they appear to have had a pleasure in dismissing them altogether. There is a river running into Lake Champlain, near Burlington, formerly called by the Indians the Winooski; but this name has been superseded by the settlers, who, by way of improvement, have designated it the Onion river. The Americans have ransacked scripture, and ancient and modern history, to supply themselves with names, yet, notwithstanding, there appears to be a strange lack of taste in their selection. On the route to Lake Ontario you pa.s.s towns with such names as Manlius, Semp.r.o.nius, t.i.tus, Cato, and then you come to _b.u.t.ternuts_.

Looking over the catalogue of cities, towns, villages, rivers, and creeks in the different states in the Union, I find the following repet.i.tions:--

Of towns, etcetera, named after distinguished individuals, there are:--

+===========+==+========+==+ Was.h.i.+ngtons43Carrolls16 +-----------+--+--------+--+ Jacksons 41Adamses 18 +-----------+--+--------+--+ Jeffersons 32Bolivars 8 +-----------+--+--------+--+ Franklins 41Clintons19 +-----------+--+--------+--+ Madisons 26Waynes 14 +-----------+--+--------+--+ Monroes 25Ca.s.ses 6 +-----------+--+--------+--+ Perrys 22Clays 4 +-----------+--+--------+--+ Fayettes 14Fultons 17 +-----------+--+--------+--+ Hamiltons 13 +===========+==+========+==+

Of other towns, etcetera, there are:--

+=============+==+===========+==+ Columbus 27Libertys 14 +-------------+--+-----------+--+ Centre Villes14Salems 24 +-------------+--+-----------+--+ Fairfields 17Onions 28 +-------------+--+-----------+--+ Athenses 10Muds 8 +-------------+--+-----------+--+ Romes 4Little Muds 1 +-------------+--+-----------+--+ Crookeds 22Muddies 11 +-------------+--+-----------+--+ Littles 20Sandys 39 +-------------+--+-----------+--+ Longs 18 +=============+==+===========+==+

In colours they have:--

+==========+==+=======+==+ Clears 13Greens 16 +----------+--+-------+--+ Blacks 33Whites 15 +----------+--+-------+--+ Blues 8Yellows10 +----------+--+-------+--+ Vermilions14 +==========+==+=======+==+

Named after trees:--

+=========+==+=======+==+ Cedars 25Laurels14 +---------+--+-------+--+ Cypresses12Pines 18 +=========+==+=======+==+

After animals:--

+=========+==+===========+==+ Beavers 23Foxes 12 +---------+--+-----------+--+ Buffaloes21Otters 13 +---------+--+-----------+--+ Bulls 9Rac.o.o.ns 11 +---------+--+-----------+--+ Deers 13Wolfs 16 +---------+--+-----------+--+ Dogs 9Bears 12 +---------+--+-----------+--+ Elks 11Bear's Rump 1 +=========+==+===========+==+

After birds, etcetera:--

+=======+==+=======+==+ Gooses 10Fishes 7 +-------+--+-------+--+ Ducks 8Turkeys12 +-------+--+-------+--+ Eagles 8Swans 15 +-------+--+-------+--+ Pigeons10Pikes 20 +=======+==+=======+==+

The consequence of these repet.i.tions is, that if you do not put the name of the state, and often of the county in the state in which the town you refer to may be, your letter may journey all over the Union, and perhaps, after all, never arrive at its place of destination.

The states have already accommodated each other with nicknames, as per example:--

+==========================+==================+ Illinois people are termedSuckers +--------------------------+------------------+ Missouri Pukes +--------------------------+------------------+ Michigan Wolverines +--------------------------+------------------+ Indiana Hoosiers +--------------------------+------------------+ Kentucky Corn Crackers +--------------------------+------------------+ Ohio Buckeyes, etcetera +==========================+==================+

The names of persons are also very strange; and some of them are, at all events, obsolete in England, even if they ever existed there. Many of them are said to be French or Dutch names Americanised. But they appear still more odd to us from the high sounding Christian names prefixed to them; as, for instance: Philo Doolittle, Populorum Hightower, Preserved Fish, Asa Peabody, Alonzo Lilly, Alceus Wolf, etcetera. I was told by a gentleman that Doolittle was originally from the French Do l'hotel; Peabody from Pibaudiere; Bunker from Bon Coeur; that Mr Ezekial b.u.mpus is a descendant of Monsieur Bon Pas, etcetera, all which is very possible.

Every one who is acquainted with Was.h.i.+ngton Irving must know that, being very sensitive himself, he is one of the last men in the world to do anything to annoy another. In his selection of names for his writings, he was cautious in avoiding such as might be known; so that, when he called his old schoolmaster Ichabod Crane, he thought himself safe from the risk of giving offence. Shortly afterward a friend of his called upon him, accompanied by a stranger whom he introduced as Major Crane; Irving started at the name; "Major Ichabod Crane," continued his friend, much to the horror of Was.h.i.+ngton Irving.

I was told that a merchant went down to New Orleans with one Christian name, and came back, after a lapse of years, with another. His name was John Flint. The French at New Orleans translated his surname, and called him Pierre Fusee--on his return the Pierre stuck to him, and rendered into English as Peter, and he was called Peter Flint ever afterward.

People may change their names in the United States by application to Congress. They have a story hardly worth relating, although considered a good one in America, having been told me by a member of congress. A Mr Whitepimple, having risen in the world, was persuaded by his wife to change his name, and applied for permission accordingly. The clerk of the office inquired of him what other name he would have, and he being very indifferent about it himself, replied carelessly, as he walked away, "Oh, anything;" whereupon the clerk enrolled him as Mr _Thing_.

Time pa.s.sed on, and he had a numerous family, who found the new name not much more agreeable than the old one, for there was Miss Sally Thing, Miss Dolly Thing, the old Things, and all the little Things; and worst of all, the eldest son being christened Robert, went by the name of Thingum Bob.

There were, and I believe still are, two lawyers in partners.h.i.+p in New York, with the peculiarly happy names of Catchem and Chetum. People laughed at seeing these two names in juxtaposition over the door; so the lawyers thought it advisable to separate them by the insertion of their Christian names. Mr Catchem's Christian name was Isaac, Mr Chetum's Uriah. A new board was ordered, but when sent to the painter, it was found to be too short to admit the Christian names at full length. The painter, therefore, put in only the initials before the surnames, which made the matter still worse than before, for there now appeared--

"I Catchem and U Chetum."

I cannot conclude this chapter without adverting to one or two points peculiar to the Americans. They wish, in everything, to improve upon the Old Country, as they call us, and affect to be excessively refined in their language and ideas: but they forget that very often in the covering, and the covering only, consists the indecency; and that, to use the old aphorism--"Very nice people are people with very nasty ideas."

They object to everything nude in statuary. When I was at the house of Governor Everett, at Boston, I observed a fine cast of the Apollo Belvidere; but in compliance with general opinion, it was hung with drapery, although Governor Everett himself is a gentleman of refined mind and high cla.s.sical attainments, and quite above such ridiculous sensitiveness. In language it is the same thing. There are certain words which are never used in America, but an absurd subst.i.tute is employed. I cannot particularise them after this preface, lest I should be accused of indelicacy myself. I may, however, state one little circ.u.mstance which will fully prove the correctness of what I say.

When at Niagara Falls I was escorting a young lady with whom I was on friendly terms. She had been standing on a piece of rock, the better to view the scene, when she slipped down, and was evidently hurt by the fall: she had, in fact, grazed her s.h.i.+n. As she limped a little in walking home, I said, "Did you hurt your leg much?" She turned from me, evidently much shocked, or much offended,--and not being aware that I had committed any very heinous offence, I begged to know what was the reason of her displeasure. After some hesitation, she said that as she knew me well, she would tell me that the word _leg_ was never mentioned before ladies. I apologised for my want of refinement, which was attributable to having been accustomed only to _English_ society; and added, that as such articles must occasionally be referred to, even in the most polite circles in America, perhaps she would inform me by what name I might mention them without shocking the company. Her reply was, that the word _limb_ was used; "nay," continued she, "I am not so particular as some people are, for I know those who always say limb of a table, or limb of a piano-forte."

There the conversation dropped; but a few months afterwards I was obliged to acknowledge that the young lady was correct when she a.s.serted that some people were more particular than even she was.