Contemporary One-Act Plays Part 89

FRAU LINDEMANN. [_Indignantly._] What? What do you mean by that!

ROSA. I was only thinking that a real princess wouldn't be coming to an inn like this. Real princesses won't lie on anything but silks and velvets. You just wait and see; it's a trick!

FRAU LINDEMANN. Are you going to pretend that the letter isn't genuine; that the letter is a forgery?

ROSA. Maybe one of the regular customers is playing a joke. That student, Herr Strubel, he's always joking. [_Giggles._

FRAU LINDEMANN. When Herr Strubel makes a joke he makes a decent joke, a real, genuine joke. Oh, of course one has to pretend to be angry sometimes--but as for writing a forged letter--My land!--a letter with a gold crown on it--there! [_She takes a letter from her waist and reads._] "This afternoon Her Highness, the Princess von Geldern, will stop at the Fairview Inn, to rest an hour or so before making the descent to the Springs. You are requested to have ready a quiet and comfortable room, to guard Her Highness from any annoying advances, and, above all, to maintain the strictest secrecy regarding this event, as otherwise the royal visit will not be repeated. Baroness von Brook, maid of honor to Her Highness." Now, what have you got to say?

ROSA. Herr Strubel lent me a book once. A maid of honor came into that, too. I'm sure it's a trick!

FRAU LINDEMANN. [_Looking out toward the back._] Dear, dear, isn't that Herr Strubel now, coming up the hill? To-day of all days! What on earth does he always want up here?

ROSA. [_Pointedly._] He's in such favor at the Inn. He won't be leaving here all day.

FRAU LINDEMANN. That won't do at all. He's got to be sent off. If I only knew how I could--Oh, ho! I'll be disagreeable to him--that's the only way to manage it!

[STRuBEL _enters. He is a handsome young fellow without much polish, but cheerful, unaffected, entirely at his ease, and invariably good-natured._

STRuBEL. Good day, everybody.

FRAU LINDEMANN. [_Sarcastically._] Charming day.

STRuBEL. [_Surprised at her coolness._] I say! What's up? Who's been rubbing you the wrong way? May I have a gla.s.s of beer, anyway? Gla.s.s of beer, if you please! Several gla.s.ses of beer, if you please. [_Sits down._] Pestiferously hot this afternoon.

FRAU LINDEMANN. [_After a pause._] H'm, H'm.

STRuBEL. Landlady Linda, dear, why so quiet to-day?

FRAU LINDEMANN. In the first place, Herr Strubel, I would have you know that my name is Frau Lindemann.

STRuBEL. Just so.

FRAU LINDEMANN. And, secondly, if you don't stop your familiarity----

STRuBEL. [_Singing, as_ ROSA _brings him a gla.s.s of beer_.]

"Beer--beer!"--Heavens and earth, how hot it is! [_Drinks._

FRAU LINDEMANN. If you find it so hot, why don't you stay quietly down there at the Springs?

STRuBEL. Ah, my soul thirsts for the heights--my soul thirsts for the heights every afternoon. Just as soon as ever my sallow-faced pupil has thrown himself down on the couch to give his red corpuscles a chance to grow, "I gayly grasp my Alpine staff and mount to my beloved."

FRAU LINDEMANN. [_Scornfully._] Bah!

STRuBEL. Oh, you're thinking that _you_ are my beloved? No, dearest; my beloved stays down there. But to get nearer to her, I have to come up here--up to your telescope. With the aid of your telescope I can look right into her window--see?

ROSA. [_Laughing._] Oh, so that's why----

FRAU LINDEMANN. Perhaps you think I'm interested in all that? Besides, I've no more time for you. Moreover, I'm going to have this place cleaned right away. Good-by, Herr Strubel. [_Goes out._

STRuBEL. [_Laughing._] I certainly caught it that time! See here, Rosa, what's got into her head?

ROSA. [_Mysteriously._] Ahem, there are crowned heads and other heads--and--ahem--there are letters _with_ crowns and letters _without_ crowns.

STRuBEL. Letters--? Are you----?

ROSA. There are maids of honor--and other maids! [_Giggles._

STRuBEL. Permit me. [_Tapping her forehead lightly with his finger._]

Ow! Ow!

ROSA. What's the matter?

STRuBEL. Why, your head's on fire. Blow! Blow! And while you are getting some salve for my burns, I'll just----

[_Goes to the telescope._

[_Enter_ FRAU VON HALLDORF, LIDDY, _and_ MILLY. FRAU VON HALLDORF _is an aristocratic woman, somewhat supercilious and affected_.

LIDDY. Here's the telescope, mother. Now you can see for yourself.

FRAU V. HALLDORF. What a pity that it's in use just now.

STRuBEL. [_Stepping back._] Oh, I beg of you, ladies--I have plenty of time. I can wait.

FRAU V. HALLDORF. [_Condescendingly._] Ah, thanks so much. [_She goes up to the telescope, while_ STRuBEL _returns to his former place_.]

Waitress! Bring us three gla.s.ses of milk.

LIDDY. [_As_ MILLY _languidly drops into a chair_.] Beyond to the right is the road, mother.

FRAU V. HALLDORF. Oh, I have found the road, but I see no carriage--neither a royal carriage nor any other sort.

LIDDY. Let me look.

FRAU V. HALLDORF. Please do.

LIDDY. It has disappeared now.

FRAU V. HALLDORF. Are you quite sure that it was a royal carriage?

LIDDY. Oh, one has an instinct for that sort of thing, mother. It comes to one in the cradle.

FRAU V. HALLDORF. [_As_ MILLY _yawns and sighs aloud_.] Are you sleepy, dear?

MILLY. No, only tired. I'm always tired.

FRAU V. HALLDORF. Well, that's just why we are at the Springs. Do as the princess does: take the waters religiously.