A Stolen Life - A Memoir Part 14

The breath of life our creator breathed into all was the freedom to make choices, good and bad. That's why he gave us a helper [our subconscious, our inner woman] to be with us through our journey of learning.

From the very beginning we have struggled with the way of G.o.d and our minds. The story of Cain and Abel represents the turmoil with us. Cain is the negative input we encounter every day and the consequences of letting those thoughts take over. Abel is what we know is right but don't always listen to. And when we let Cain [the negative] win, we kill Abel [our sense of what's right]. But as with all aspects of our life, we have the ability to change and grow and learn from our mistakes. Our inner woman can be good or bad depending on the choices we make in life.

MAY 16, 2006

Favorite Song/Artists

Kelly Clarkson: Behind These Hazel Eyes, Miss Independent, Walk Away

3 Doors Down: Superman Kryptonite, Close to Home

KT Tunstal: Black Horse & the Cherry Tree

Maroon 5

Matchbox 20

Dido: White Flag

Nickleback

Green Day: Boulevard of Broken Dreams

One Republic

5 for Fighting

Jason Mraz: The Remedy

SEPTEMBER 18, 2006

Had a breakdown today. They [the angels] used him to hurt me. Unacceptable! He cut me deep inside, deep damage done will take time to repair. At first all the anger was directed at both of them [Phillip and Nancy], but time makes things clear and blame is in the right place now. I know I will get over it. Love will prevail. I will win!

SEPTEMBER 20, 2006

Found out that he took money from us again. He says the angels made him do it. He never takes responsibility for anything. Even though last time he said it wouldn't happen again. He still did it. They [the angels] want me to hate him [Phillip] for doing this to us again. I know I shouldn't blame him, but it's hard not to. He wants me to believe the angels made him do it and it's not his fault. I know in his mind he took the money for a good reason, not intentionally to hurt us but still. I wanted to scream and yell at him like he did to me. I didn't! I can't count on him for anything. It's hard to not be angry with him. I need to work on that. He also yelled at A and made her cry, which he also blamed on the angels.

SEPTEMBER 21, 2006

All Phillip and Nancy do is sleep all day. They want me to think it's the angels doing it, but when will they start trying to help themselves? I work all day and they sleep. It ridiculous! They were going to tell the psychiatrist about the angels today and how Phillip hears voices, but Phillip says the angels made both him and Nancy so sleepy that they couldn't drive and tell the doctor. They still went today and all seemed to go okay. Maybe he will get the help he needs now from the psychiatrist.

SEPTEMBER 27, 2006

Felt sad all day today. I feel like everything is hopeless.

NOVEMBER 5, 2006

The angels gave Nancy suicidal thoughts today. Very hard to hear her talking like that. Gives me feelings of hopelessness.

FEBRUARY 21, 2007

I have feelings of hopelessness. I feel like n.o.body cares. This year has been extremely hard. First, it feels like we aren't getting anywhere. One of our clients that witnessed Phillip doing his "Can you hear me?" backed out today and took back her signature. Phillip says it's because the angels worked with her husband and that made her take back her witness. It makes me feel like everyone who believes is going to abandon us. Recently Phillip told us he has been untruthful about the money we make again and he was using it to buy stuff. He wouldn't tell me what. It makes me feel like I can't trust him. He says that's what the angels want. To turn us against each other. It's so confusing.

I've had a few bad dreams lately, too ... nothing like before, though. One was about a serial killer coming and killing us all and n.o.body would ever know.

Phillip says the angels give him terrible dreams, too, he says they make him feel dirty. Nancy has been having a terrible time, too. Lots of bad dreams that Phillip says the angels torture her with.

Sometimes I don't want to live on a planet that lets such horrible things happen. I will not give up, though.

MARCH 16, 2007