Isaac Bickerstaff, Physician and Astrologer Part 7

The strong box of the deceased, wherein were found five billet-doux, a Bath s.h.i.+lling, a crooked sixpence, a silk garter, a lock of hair, and three broken fans.

A press for books; containing on the upper shelf--

Three bottles of diet-drink.

Two boxes of pills.

A syringe, and other mathematical instruments.

On the second shelf are several miscellaneous works, as

Lampoons.

Plays.

Tailors' bills.

And an almanack for the year seventeen hundred.

On the third shelf--

A bundle of letters unopened, indorsed, in the hand of the deceased, "Letters from the old Gentleman."

Lessons for the flute.

Toland's "Christianity not mysterious;" and a paper filled with patterns of several fas.h.i.+onable stuffs.

On the lowest shelf--

One shoe.

A pair of snuffers.

A French grammar.

A mourning hat-band; and half a bottle of usquebaugh.

There will be added to these goods, to make a complete auction, a collection of gold snuff-boxes and clouded canes, which are to continue in fas.h.i.+on for three months after the sale.

The whole are to be set up and prized by Charles Bubbleboy, who is to open the auction with a speech.

I find I am so very unhappy, that, while I am busy in correcting the folly and vice of one s.e.x, several exorbitances break out in the other.

I have not thoroughly examined their new fas.h.i.+oned petticoats, but shall set aside one day in the next week for that purpose. The following pet.i.tion on this subject was presented to me this morning:--

"The humble pet.i.tion of William Jingle, Coach-maker and Chair-maker, of the Liberty of Westminster:

"TO ISAAC BICKERSTAFF, ESQUIRE, CENSOR OF GREAT BRITAIN:

"Showeth,

"That upon the late invention of Mrs. Catharine Cross-st.i.tch, mantua-maker, the petticoats of ladies were too wide for entering into any coach or chair, which was in use before the said invention.

"That for the service of the said ladies, your pet.i.tioner has built a round chair, in the form of a lantern, six yards and a half in circ.u.mference, with a stool in the centre of it: the said vehicle being so contrived, as to receive the pa.s.senger by opening in two in the middle, and closing mathematically when she is seated.

"That your pet.i.tioner has also invented a coach for the reception of one lady only, who is to be let in at the top.

"That the said coach has been tried by a lady's woman in one of these full petticoats, who was let down from a balcony, and drawn up again by pulleys, to the great satisfaction of her lady, and all who behold her.

"Your pet.i.tioner, therefore, most humbly prays, that for the encouragement of ingenuity and useful inventions, he may be heard before you pa.s.s sentence upon the petticoats aforesaid.

"And your pet.i.tioner," etc.

I have likewise received a female pet.i.tion, signed by several thousands, praying that I would not any longer defer giving judgment in the case of the petticoat, many of them having put off the making new clothes, till such time as they know what verdict will pa.s.s upon it. I do, therefore, hereby certify to all whom it may concern, that I do design to set apart Tuesday next for the final determination of that matter, having already ordered a jury of matrons to be impannelled, for the clearing up of any difficult points that may arise in the trial.

*** Being informed that several dead men in and about this city do keep out of the way and abscond, for fear of being buried; and being willing to respite their interment, in consideration of their families, and in hopes of their amendment, I shall allow them certain privileged places, where they may appear to one another, without causing any let or molestation to the living, or receiving any, in their own persons, from the company of Upholders. Between the hours of seven and nine in the morning, they may appear in safety at Saint James's coffee-house, or at White's, if they do not keep their beds, which is more proper for men in their condition. From nine to eleven I allow them to walk from Story's to Rosamond's pond in the Park or in any other public walks which are not frequented by the living at that time. Between eleven and three they are to vanish, and keep out of sight till three in the afternoon, at which time they may go to 'Change till five; and then, if they please, divert themselves at the Haymarket, or Drury Lane until the play begins.

It is further granted in favour of these persons, that they may be received at any table, where there are more present than seven in number: provided that they do not take upon them to talk, judge, commend, or find fault with any speech, action, or behaviour of the living. In which case it shall be lawful to seize their persons at any place or hour whatsoever, and to convey their bodies to the next undertaker's; anything in this advertis.e.m.e.nt to the contrary notwithstanding.

Sheer Lane, January 4.

The court being prepared for proceeding on the cause of the petticoat, I gave orders to bring in a criminal, who was taken up as she went out of the puppet-show about three nights ago, and was now standing in the street, with a great concourse of people about her. Word was brought me that she had endeavoured twice or thrice to come in, but could not do it by reason of her petticoat, which was too large for the entrance of my house, though I had ordered both the folding-doors to be thrown open for its reception. Upon this, I desired the jury of matrons, who stood at my right hand, to inform themselves whether there were any private reasons why she might not make her appearance separate from her petticoat. This was managed with great discretion, and had such an effect, that upon the return of the verdict from the bench of matrons, I issued out an order forthwith, "that the criminal should be stripped of her enc.u.mbrances till she became little enough to enter my house." I had before given directions for an engine of several legs that could contract or open itself like the top of an umbrella, in order to place the petticoat upon it, by which means I might take a leisurely survey of it, as it should appear in its proper dimensions. This was all done accordingly; and forthwith, upon the closing of the engine, the petticoat was brought into court. I then directed the machine to be set upon the table and dilated in such a manner as to show the garment in its utmost circ.u.mference; but my great hall was too narrow for the experiment; for before it was half unfolded, it described so immoderate a circle, that the lower part of it brushed upon my face as I sat in my chair of judicature. I then inquired for the person that belonged to the petticoat; and to my great surprise, was directed to a very beautiful young damsel, with so pretty a face and shape, that I bid her come out of the crowd, and seated her upon a little crock at my left hand. "My pretty maid," said I, "do you own yourself to have been the inhabitant of the garment before us?" The girl, I found, had good sense, and told me with a smile, that, "notwithstanding it was her own petticoat, she should be very glad to see an example made of it; and that she wore it for no other reason, but that she had a mind to look as big and burly as other persons of her quality; that she had kept out of it as long as she could, and till she began to appear little in the eyes of her acquaintance; that, if she laid it aside, people would think she was not made like other women." I always give great allowances to the fair s.e.x upon account of the fas.h.i.+on, and, therefore, was not displeased with the defence of the pretty criminal. I then ordered the vest which stood before us to be drawn up by a pulley to the top of my great hall, and afterwards to be spread open by the engine it was placed upon, in such a manner, that it formed a very splendid and ample canopy over our heads, and covered the whole court of judicature with a kind of silken rotunda, in its form not unlike the cupola of St. Paul's. I entered upon the whole cause with great satisfaction as I sat under the shadow of it.

The counsel for the petticoat were now called in, and ordered to produce what they had to say against the popular cry which was raised against it. They answered the objections with great strength and solidity of argument, and expatiated in very florid harangues, which they did not fail to set off and furbelow, if I may be allowed the metaphor, with many periodical sentences and turns of oratory. The chief arguments for their client were taken, first, from the great benefit that might arise to our woollen manufactory from this invention, which was calculated as follows. The common petticoat has not above four yards in the circ.u.mference; whereas this over our heads had more in the semi-diameter; so that, by allowing it twenty-four yards in the circ.u.mference, the five millions of woollen petticoats, which, according to Sir William Petty, supposing what ought to be supposed in a well-governed state, that all petticoats are made of that stuff, would amount to thirty millions of those of the ancient mode: a prodigious improvement of the woollen trade! and what could not fail to sink the power of France in a few years.

To introduce the second argument, they begged leave to read a pet.i.tion of the ropemakers, wherein it was represented, "that the demand for cords, and the price of them, were much risen since this fas.h.i.+on came up." At this, all the company who were present lifted up their eyes into the vault; and I must confess, we did discover many traces of cordage, which were interwoven in the stiffening of the drapery.

A third argument was founded upon a pet.i.tion of the Greenland trade, which likewise represented the great consumption of whalebone which would be occasioned by the present fas.h.i.+on, and the benefit which would thereby accrue to that branch of the British trade.

To conclude, they gently touched upon the weight and unwieldiness of the garment, which they insinuated might be of great use.

These arguments would have wrought very much upon me, as I then told the company in a long and elaborate discourse, had I not considered the great and additional expense which such fas.h.i.+ons would bring upon fathers and husbands; and, therefore, by no means to be thought of till some years after a peace. I further urged, that it would be a prejudice to the ladies themselves, who could never expect to have any money in the pocket if they laid out so much on the petticoat.

At the same time, in answer to the several pet.i.tions produced on that side, I showed one subscribed by the women of several persons of quality, humbly setting forth, "that, since the introduction of this mode, their respective ladies had, instead of bestowing on them their cast gowns, cut them into shreds, and mixed them with the cordage and buckram, to complete the stiffening of their under petticoats."

For which, and sundry other reasons, I p.r.o.nounced the petticoat a forfeiture; but to show that I did not make that judgment for the sake of filthy lucre, I ordered it to be folded up, and sent it as a present to a widow-gentlewoman who has five daughters, desiring she would make each of them a petticoat out of it, and send me back the remainder, which I design to cut into stomachers, caps, facings of my waistcoat-sleeves, and other garnitures suitable to my age and quality.

I would not be understood that, while I discard this monstrous invention, I am an enemy to the proper ornaments of the fair s.e.x. On the contrary, as the hand of nature has poured on them such a profusion of charms and graces, and sent them into the world more amiable and finished than the rest of her works; so I would have them bestow upon themselves all the additional beauties that art can supply them with; provided it does not interfere with disguise, or pervert those of nature.

I consider woman as a beautiful romantic animal, that may be adorned with furs and feathers, pearls and diamonds, ores and silks. The lynx shall cast its skin at her feet to make her a tippet; the peac.o.c.k, parrot, and swan shall pay contributions to her m.u.f.f; the sea shall be searched for sh.e.l.ls, and the rocks for gems; and every part of nature furnish out its share towards the embellishment of a creature that is the most consummate work of it. All this I shall indulge them in; but as for the petticoat I have been speaking of, I neither can nor will allow it.

XIX.--OF MEN WHO ARE NOT THEIR OWN MASTERS.

From my own Apartment, June 2.