General Bramble Part 2

This methodical work of destruction had been going on for about a week when "Intelligence" got going.

"Intelligence" was represented at the Division by Captain Forbes.

Forbes, who had never yet arrested a real spy, saw potential spies everywhere, and as he was fond of the company of the great, he always made his suspicions a pretext for going to see General Bramble or Colonel Parker. One day he remained closeted for an hour with the colonel, who summoned Aurelle as soon as he had left.

"Do you know," he said to him, "there are most dangerous things going on here. Two old women are constantly being seen in this chateau. What the deuce are they up to?"

"What do you mean?" gasped Aurelle. "This is their house, sir; it's Madame de Vauclere and her maid."

"Well, you go and tell them from me to clear out as soon as possible.

The presence of civilians among a Staff cannot be tolerated; the Intelligence people have complained about it, and they are perfectly right."

"But where are they to go to, sir?"

"That's no concern of mine."

Aurelle turned round furiously and left the room. Coming across Dr.

O'Grady in the park, he asked his advice about the matter.

"Why, doctor, she had a perfect right to refuse to billet us, and from a military point of view we should certainly be better off at Nieppe. She was asked to do us a favour, she grants it, and her kindness is taken as a reason for her expulsion! I can't 'evacuate her to the rear,' as Forbes would say; she'd die of it!"

"I should have thought," said the doctor, "that after three years you knew the British temperament better than this. Just go and tell the colonel, politely and firmly, that you refuse to carry out his orders. Then depict Madame de Vauclere's situation in your grandest and most tragic manner. Tell him her family has been living in the chateau for the last two thousand years, that one of her ancestors came over to England with William the Conqueror, and that her grandfather was a friend of Queen Victoria's. Then the colonel will apologize and place a whole wing at the disposal of your _protegee_."

Dr. O'Grady's prescription was carried out in detail by Aurelle with most satisfactory results.

"You are right," said the colonel, "Forbes is a d.a.m.ned idiot. The old lady can stay on, and if anybody annoys her, let her come to me."

"It's all these servants who are such a nuisance to her, sir," said Aurelle. "It's very painful for her to see her own house turned upside-down."

"Upside-down?" gasped the colonel. "Why, the house is far better kept than it was in her time. I have had the water in the cisterns a.n.a.lysed; I have had sweet-peas planted and the tennis lawn rolled.

What can she complain of?"

In the well-appointed kitchen garden, where stout-limbed pear trees bordered square beds of sprouting lettuce, Aurelle joined O'Grady.

"Doctor, you're a great man, and my old lady is saved. But it appears she ought to thank her lucky stars for having placed her under the British Protectorate, which, in exchange for her freedom, provides her with a faultless tennis lawn and microbeless water."

"There is nothing," said the doctor gravely, "that the British Government is not ready to do for the good of the natives."

CHAPTER III

THE TOWER OF BABEL

"Des barques romaines, disais-je.--Non, disais-tu, portugaises."--Jean Giraudoux.

"Wot you require, sir," interrupted Private Brommit, "is a gla.s.s o'

boilin' 'ot milk an' whisky, with lots o' cinnamon."

Aurelle, who was suffering from an attack of influenza, was at Estrees, under the care of Dr. O'Grady, who tirelessly prescribed ammoniated quinine.

"I say, doctor," said the young Frenchman, "this is a drug that's utterly unknown in France. It seems strange that medicines should have a nationality."

"Why shouldn't they?" said the doctor. "Many diseases are national.

If a Frenchman has a bathe after a meal, he is stricken with congestion of the stomach and is drowned. An Englishman never has congestion of the stomach."

"No," said Aurelle; "he is drowned all the same, but his friends say he had cramp, and the honour of Britain is saved."

Private Brommit knocked at the door and showed in Colonel Parker, who sat down by the bed and asked Aurelle how he was getting on.

"He is much better," said the doctor; "a few more doses of quinine----"

"I am glad to hear that," replied the colonel, "because I shall want you, Aurelle. G.H.Q. is sending me on a mission for a fortnight to one of your Brittany ports; I am to organize the training of the Portuguese Division. I have orders to take an interpreter with me. I thought of you for the job."

"But," Aurelle put in, "I don't know a word of Portuguese."

"What does that matter?" said the colonel. "You're an interpreter, aren't you? Isn't that enough?"

The following day Aurelle told his servant to try and find a Portuguese in the little town of Estrees.

"Brommit is an admirable fellow," said Colonel Parker, "he found whisky for me in the middle of the bush, and quite drinkable beer in France. If I say to him, 'Don't come back without a Portuguese,' he is sure to bring one with him, dead or alive."

As a matter of fact, that very evening he brought back with him a nervous, talkative little man.

"Ze Poortooguez in fifteen days," exclaimed the little man, gesticulating freely with his small plump hands "A language so rich, so flexible, in fifteen days! Ah, you have ze luck, young man, to 'ave found in zis town Juan Garretos, of Portalegre, Master of Arts of ze University of Coimbra, and positivist philosopher. Ze Poortooguez in fifteen days! Do you know at least ze Low Latin? ze Greek?

ze Hebrew? ze Arabic? ze Chinese? If not, it is useless to go furzer."

Aurelle confessed his ignorance.

"Never mind," said Juan Garretos indulgently; "ze shape of your 'ead inspire me wiz confidence: for ten francs ze hour I accept you. Only, mind, no chattering; ze Latins always talk too much. Not a single word of ze English between us now. _Faz favor d'fallar Portuguez_--do me ze favour of speaking ze Poortooguez. Know first zat, in ze Poortooguez, one speak in ze zird person. You must call your speaker Excellency.'"

"What's that?" Aurelle interrupted. "I thought you had just had a democratic revolution."

"Precisely," said the positivist philosopher, wringing his little hands, "precisely. In France you made ze revolucaoung in order zat every man should be called 'citizen.' What a waste of energy! In Poortugal we made ze revolucaoung in order zat every man should be called 'His Highness.' Instead of levelling down we levelled up. It is better. Under ze old order ze children of ze poor were _rapachos_, and zose of ze aristocracy were _meninos_: now zey are all _meninos_.

Zat is a revolucaoung! _Faz favor d'fallar Portuguez._ Ze Latins always talk too much."

Having thus earned his ten francs by an hour's unceasing eloquence, he made a fairer proposal to Aurelle next day.

"I will arrange with you for a fixed sum," he said. "If I teach you two souzand words, you give me fifty francs."

"Very well," replied Aurelle, "two thousand words will be a sufficient vocabulary to begin with."

"All right," said Juan Garretos; "now listen to me. All ze words which in ze English end with 'tion' are ze same in ze Poortooguez wiz ze ending 'caoung.' Revolution--_revolucaoung_; const.i.tution--_const.i.tucaoung_; inquisition--_inquisicaoung_. Now zere are in ze English two souzand words ending in 'tion.' Your Excellency owes me fifty francs. _Faz favor d'fallar Portuguez._"