A Golfing Idyll Part 1

A Golfing Idyll.

by Violet Flint and A. Islay Bannerman.

PREFACE

As some prefatory explanation may reasonably be expected as to how I became acquainted with the subject of the following narrative,--'A Golfing Idyll,' I have had the presumption to call it,--I may inform the reader that circ.u.mstances induced me, a lady medical student, at present studying in London, to take my Autumn holiday in St Andrews. I know the old place well, and have many acquaintances there. As to Golf I can, I think, hold my own with most of the Golfing sisterhood, and am well up in the jargon of the Links and game. One day found me, sketch-book in hand, sitting on the brae side by the b.u.t.ts, behind the Club. As I sat, listlessly toying with my pencil, and quietly enjoying the scene before me, I remarked a man, whom I had not previously observed, also sitting, a few yards off, on the slope towards the sea. On closer inspection I recognised him to be an old Caddie, well known to most frequenters of the Links, but not very creditably, I am sorry to say, as he was one of the sad victims of the vice that has cut off so many poor fellows of his cla.s.s. I noticed at the same time that he now looked very decent and respectable, was neatly dressed in blue serge, a bit of blue ribbon apparent on the lapel of his coat, and that altogether he had the appearance of a person well cared for. He seemed to be engaged in an agreeable conversation with himself. As he sat, smiling and muttering, he was shortly joined by another man, a stranger to me, a ruddy-faced jolly-looking personage, with a free and easy manner, who proved also to be a Caddie. As to how the latter accosted his old friend, and what followed, is all described in the 'Idyll.'

As I was only a few yards distant from them, I could hear distinctly every word they uttered. The old man did not seem to mind my presence in the least. Before commencing his tale he looked round, saw me, and, with a back toss of his head which seemed to say to his friend, 'Oh, it is only a la.s.sie,' proceeded with his story. Throughout the narrative he was exceedingly animated--rising, sitting down, and gesticulating, as if under the influence of considerable excitement and emotion, evidently earnestly intent on impressing on the listener the truth of what he was relating. The latter listened open-eyed and open-mouthed, uttering occasional e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.ns, such as, Oh Lord! Gude sake! Ay man! etc.

The Skipper delivered himself of what he had to say in pure Scotch Doric, more or less, but occasionally broke out into good English, showing himself to be a man of better education than I believed him to be. This idea was strengthened by his reference to Bunyan; and the extravagant vision at the 'end hole,' with all its bathos and absurdity, suggested some acquaintance with Milton.

I listened most attentively. I have a good memory, and when I got home I committed to paper all that I remembered, most carefully. Moreover, I had several interviews with the old gentleman, and have done my best to convey to the reader, as accurately as I could, his version of his extraordinary adventure.

As to my reason for weaving the story into rhyming doggerel, I hold myself excused in that I did it for my own amus.e.m.e.nt, influenced also by a belief that it might possibly prove more readable and attractive in that shape to the persons I chiefly wished to peruse it, viz., my friends of the Caddie fraternity.

VIOLET FLINT.

TORRINGTON MANSIONS, LONDON.

PREFACE TO THIRD EDITION

Since I penned the first prefatory lines to this trifling work, I regret to inform my readers non-resident in St Andrews, that my interesting old friend the Skipper is no more. He died at the ripe age of 75. Peace to his memory! Some time before his death, I had what proved to be a final interview with him, when he rehea.r.s.ed his queer weird story, adding some curious reminiscences of his early days in connection with the Links of St Andrews and his favourite pastime. As they may be interesting to some of my older golfing friends, I have interpolated them into the rugged doggerel of the text from the notes I took at the time. He also at the same time pathetically deplored the unreasoning and obstinate incredulity of friends who persisted in disbelieving his story, and suggested, with a view to convincing and converting them, that I should have some of the more striking incidents in the story ill.u.s.trated. I have done so, but alas! his old eyes will never look upon them and acknowledge the credit due to Mr Bannerman, the clever draughtsman.

At the close of our interview, he also alluded to his precious breeks with which, in his opinion, rest the _onus probandi_ of his adventure.

It was his intention, he told me, to have them framed and glazed, with the fateful mark prominently displayed--the date, incident, etc., carefully printed--to be made over at his death to the local Museum, and safe custody of Mr Couttes. It was not every man, he proudly a.s.serted, who could receive and survive a skelp o' the Deil's tail!

V.F.

TORRINGTON MANSIONS, LONDON.

A GOLFING IDYLL

Now Skipper frien', come tell me true What garred ye mount the ribbon blue?

Gude sake! to think the like o' you Should e'er hae joined the Templar crew!

How you accomplished your conversion It bangs poor me past comprehension.

No six months gane, a drucken deevil, You led the ball in waste and revel; Were staggerin' on destruction's brink, Selling your very duds for drink.

Now, there you sit, you grim auld sinner, And tell's the smell o't mak's you scunner, As mim as howdie at a christening, Or tinker to a sermon listening; Weel washed, weel clad, your blue beard shaved Like Dr Byd's, and weel behaved As toun-kirk elder 'fore the session-- Speak out, auld man, and mak' confession.

The speaker was ane Jock Pitbladdie, A golfer good, and decent caddie, Who, drunk or sober, in 's vocation Had aye the grace o' moderation.

A souter to his trade, he'd left the toun Sax months before to work in Troon, To carry clubs or mend auld shoon, At ilka t' ade a handy loon.

Skipper and Jock were cronies thrang, Had kent and liked each other lang; Mony a gill they'd drunk thegither, And friendly treated ane anither.

Jockie was like a bed of sand, The more he drank, the more he'd stand; But Skipper, wud, and wilder grew, And never stopped till roarin' fou.

What wonder, then, at Jock's surprise To find his frien' in sic-like guise, Or Jock's ill-mannered exclamation And rough demand for explanation.

The Skipper lookit sair offended, And muttering growled, his hand extended.-- Queer manners you hae brocht frae Troon; Come here, you jawing gowk, sit doon.

Instead of coorse and ill reflections On my past life, and ways, and actions, Your greetin' might hae been more ceevil, You ill-condeetioned gabbin' deevil.

Hoot, Skipper, nae offence was meant, For you and I are weel acquaint.

Now dicht your mou', and tell me true How cam' ye by that bit o' blue?

The Skipper gazed as wise and solemn As if he felt his hand on helm His cutter o'er the green waves guiding, Close hauled, through kittle channel gliding.

Oh, Jock! I doot I'm rash to tell ye What strange and awfu' things befell me, Unless like me you'd warning tak', Ere sorrow lay you on your back.

Sae, to avert sic dismal fate, My woful tale I'll now relate.-- He sighed and spat, then sighed again, And thus his simple tale began:

'Twas on a summer's afternoon, Just after you had gane to Troon, I foregather'd wi' ane Tammas Trail, Auld mate o' mine who bides in Crail.

A man o' means, wi' nets and boat, A fisher keen, and much afloat; A very decent chappie Tam, Who, like me, dearly lo'ed his dram.

He kent my weakness, nocht would serve him, But I maun tak' my supper wi' him.

The supper was baith het and good-- No that I'm nice about my food; We'd rizzared haddies, if you please, Tripe and ingans, toasted cheese, And whiskey grand frae Cameron Brig, Better was never 'stilled by Haig.

And, oh! a jolly time we had, For my pairt I was skirlin' mad, And Tammie, he was in his glory, Just ripplin' o'er wi' joke and story.

But a' things good maun hae an end, Baith joys and pains o' human kind, And Time, the thief, wi' spitefu' stroke, Snecket our fun 'fore ten o'clock-- That nicht--the thocht o't gars me grue, Ahint the joy there cam' sic rue.

Now, Jocky, I must here explain I wasna drunk, just fou ye ken; Just fresh and free and swaggerin' canty, And bauld as Wallace wight and vaunty.

My hairt was licht, my feet were dancin'

Like struttin' c.o.c.k, or stallion prancin'.

Bethought me, as I steered alang, I'll get my clubs, to the Links I'll gang.

Should a' the folk to roost hae gane, I car'd na if I played alane.

The nicht was fine, the moon was s.h.i.+nin', The time between the mirk and gloamin'; As far as I could view the green, No living soul could there be seen.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

Nigh the brig I drove a bonny shot, My second was the marrow o't, The third gaed in--I holed in three, As proud as Punch, I skirled wi' glee; And swaggerin' fou, and fit and fettle, Was wild to back my skill and mettle; And, madlike, shouted out aloud, You might hae heard me doon the road, 'Od! I'd play the very Deil himsel', Auld Nickey Ben, red wud frae H--l.'

I heard a laugh! Was I mistaen?

I thocht I was my lief alane, But turnin', near me stood a man, A strappin' chiel, wi' clubs in han',-- Lean-shankit, extra tall and spare, Wi' goatee beard and jet-black hair.

'Good evening, Skipper,' says he sprightly, Liftin' his cap to me politely.

'You want a match, I'll gladly play you For a hundred pounds, what say you?'

'You do me proud,' says I, astounded, My wits had left me quite confounded.

'Man, a hundred pounds, I hae nae got, I'm but a Caddie, poor my lot; To play you I am proud and willin', But I ne'er gang beyond a s.h.i.+llin'.'

'Oh, d--m your s.h.i.+lling!' says he so fine, 'Why, don't you see, your sure to win-- You are a strong, well-known professional, And play a game that's quite sensational; While my performance is but poor, That of a first-cla.s.s amateur.

But player good, I stand confessed, Who plays 'gainst me must play his best.

But if you're shy, why odds I'll give you, A stroke a hole, will that not tempt you?

And should I have the luck to win (He said this with a leering grin), Why what so simple, you engage To serve me faithful without wage, And as my Caddie with me stay Until your little debt you pay.

Service with me will never tire you, Besides I like you and admire you.'

Softly he spoke, while sweetly smilin'

Like lover simple la.s.s beguilin'; Then from his pooch a purse he pulled, A purse with golden guineas filled; The meshes thro' I saw them bright Glitterin' in the gloamin' light.

'Look, Skipper see these yellow boys, The source and fount of human joys; With them you grasp the dear delights Of festive days and glorious nights.'

Dazed, dazzled, fou, and half-demented, Oh, Jocky! I was sairly tempted.

No wonder that I soon consented, And muckle less that I repented.

But to my tale--'All right,' says I, 'A bargain be it, I comply; A stroke a hole--I tak' your offer, Altho' you treat me like a duffer.'