Twenty Years of Hus'ling Part 31

I turned to the Doctor and said:

"Great Heavens! Where are we going? Tell me the name."

"Oh, you cussed fool, you ought to be dumped into the Detroit River! See what you have done!"

At this he began to prance around, tearing backwards and forwards and swearing at the top of his voice, calling me all manner of names, and at last said to the agent:

"We are both infernal fools, and don't know where we _are_ going; but no one is to blame but that idiot over there," pointing to me.

I then said to the people gathered around, looking on with a mixture of surprise and curiosity:

"Gentlemen, we are on our way to some town with an Indian name."

One man suggested Ypsilanti.

"Oh, Ypsilanti!" the Doctor shrieked. "That's where we came from."

Another said Pontiac.

"There, there, that's it!" the Doctor cried. "Now buy your tickets, and let's go aboard the train before we get locked up!"

I secured the tickets, making sure that they read PONTIAC, and we boarded the train.

The Doctor took a seat by himself, and while sitting there, looked at me over his spectacles, with his plug hat on the back of his head, and his chin resting on his cane. He continued to make the atmosphere blue, in a quiet way, and repeatedly referred to the fact that we must certainly have appeared like two very brilliant traveling men.

I was beginning to feel that I had caused considerable trouble and humiliation.

Suddenly the Doctor jumped to his feet, and starting from the car on a run, cried out:

"Good ----! I haven't re-checked my trunk."

I ran after him. He made a bee line for the baggage room, and rus.h.i.+ng up to the counter, threw down his check and yelled:

"For ----'s sake, hurry up and re-check my trunk before the train leaves."

"Where to?" asked the baggage-man.

"To Pocahontas!" screamed the Doctor.

"Poca-the-devil!" said the agent.

Then began a genuine circus. Neither of us could think of the right name, and the train was to leave in less than three minutes.

The Doctor began to hop up and down, swearing like a trooper, swinging his cane and looking at me, and cried out at the very top of his voice:

"Tell the man where we're going, you idiotic fool! You're to blame, and you ought to have your infernal neck broken. Why don't you tell the man?

Tell him--tell him, you idiot! Great ----! if that train leaves us, I'll----"

The threat was interrupted by the baggage-man putting his head through the window and saying:

"There's an Insane Asylum being built at Pontiac. Perhaps that's where--"

"That's the place--that's where we want to go. Check 'er, check 'er, check 'er quick!" the Doctor yelled. Then turning to me said:

"There! you infernal fool, now I hope you feel satisfied," and in a low tone said:

"Look at this crowd of people you have attracted here."

"Well, what's the difference? They'll think I am taking you to the Insane Asylum, so that lets us out."

"The devil they will! They'll think it's you that's crazy. Didn't I tell them you were a fool?"

The trunk was put on none too soon, and the Doctor continued to abuse me to his heart's content during nearly the whole distance.

I was too much pleased to do anything but laugh; and what made it more ridiculous to me, was that the Doctor could see nothing funny about it, and never cracked a smile. He kept harping on the undignified position it had placed him in. I remained quiet, and let him cuss, till at last he quieted down. A few moments later the conductor pa.s.sed through the car, and the Doctor, looking up over his spectacles, said:

"Conductor, aren't we almost to Pocahantas?"

"Almost where?"

"I mean--I mean, well dang it! never mind, never mind," he stammered.

At this, he jumped to his feet, starting for the front car, turned and looked at me, and while shaking his cane, yelled as he pa.s.sed out:

"Laugh! you infernal fool, laugh!" And the door slammed.

On arriving at Pontiac, just as the train was stopping I looked into the front car and saw the Doctor rising from his seat. I opened the door, and changing the tone of my voice, sang out, "POCAHONTAS!" and dodged back into the car and took my seat.

The Doctor came out onto the platform, and looking in, saw me sitting there, apparently asleep.

He opened the door and said:

"Come on, Johnston; we are at Poca--come on--come on, you dang fool; don't you know where we are?"

I jumped to my feet and went out sleepily, rubbing my eyes, and told him I was glad he woke me up.

"Yes, I should think you would be; but I was a fool that I didn't let you stay there. The devil knows where you would have landed."

I suggested that I might have brought up at Pocahontas.

"Great Heavens! don't mention that name to me again."

After registering at the hotel and settling in a room we began discussing our prospects. But in a few minutes the Doctor said:

"Johnston, we have simply raised the devil."

"How so?"