Skippy Bedelle Part 25

WORLDLY WISDOM OF SKIPPY BEDELLE

WHEN Skippy Bedelle (rage and disillusionment in his heart) had tramped five weary miles back from the city which sheltered that angel of perfidy, Miss Mimi Lafontaine, he said to himself on waking the next morning:

"Well, by the Great Horned Spoon, that's one thing I won't bite at again." And examining himself in the gla.s.s with a new respect--for after all he had handled the situation with magnificent impertinence and if the story was to be retailed in the home circles it would never be introduced by Miss Clara Bedelle--examining himself, then, with a certain pride and satisfaction he said vaingloriously, "Hurray, I'm vaccinated!"

"How d'ye mean vaccinated?" said Snorky whose head emerged via the morning jersey.

"Did I say vaccinated?" said Skippy surprised and cautious.

"You certainly did," said his chum, who observing the rapidity of his contact with the washbasin, the reappearance of the d.i.c.ky and the two strokes of the brush which completed his toilette, added with a sigh of relief, "I say, old horse, you look more natural."

Skippy immediately returned to the convenient Tina Tanner. He picked up the statuesquely posed photograph, contemplated it and returned it to its place with the air of a man on whom a great pa.s.sion has burned itself out.

"She was an awfully decent little sort," he said meditatively, "but it would have been an awful mess if I'd done it."

"Done what?"

"Followed her on the stage."

"Say, whatever made you think you'd succeed on the stage, you chump?"

said Snorky, who always retained a lingering doubt when Skippy grew confidential.

"Oh, I don't know."

"Well, the way you got off 'Horatius at the Bridge'--"

Skippy stretched his arms and yawned deliciously.

"Gee, but a fellow can make an awful fool of himself," he said, thinking now not of the fict.i.tious Tina but of the explanations which must have taken place between his sister and Miss Lafontaine.

"A nice wreck you'd have made of your life, you big b.o.o.b," said Snorky taking up the photograph and smelling it curiously to see what perfume an actress employed. "So her name's Tanner, eh?"

"Her stage name."

"You couldn't have married a woman like that."

"Not a word against her."

"Well, anyhow are you vaccinated?"

"Bitten, vaccinated and cured!"

Now when Skippy spoke thus from his heart it was in absolute faith, without the slightest suspicion of the natural course which a habit inevitably must take. A habit is after all but an acquired appet.i.te, and what appet.i.te was ever begun with instant enjoyment! No inveterate smoker ever appreciated his first cigar and the most persistent of tipplers choked once over the first distasteful introduction to the demon rum.

So be it recorded in this history of the sentimental progress of Skippy Bedelle. The impulse which sends the boy back to a second trial of the cigar that stretched him pale and nauseated on the ground, or leads him to a new attempt at the alcoholic mixture which scorched his throat, alone may explain how it came to pa.s.s that Skippy, after the first disillusioning contact with the opposite s.e.x in the person of Miss Mimi Lafontaine, should in the first week of his summer vacation have fallen under the despotism of Miss Dolly Travers.

There were, as will be seen, extenuating circ.u.mstances and perhaps likewise much may be explained by the instinctive belief which is implanted in mankind, that woman is twofold, and that the brunettes of the species are less deadly than the blondes, or vice versa, according to the first contact.

When Skippy Bedelle arrived for the long summer vacation at the family home at Gates Harbor, he arrived with a fixed program which is here detailed in the order of its importance.

1. To grow at least two inches and to acquire an added ten pounds in weight.

2. To achieve this necessary progression towards his athletic ambitions, to sleep at least fourteen hours of the day and to eat steadily and consistently during the remaining ten.

3. To impress the governor with the necessity of increasing his allowance.

4. To conceal from his mother the devastation of that portion of his wardrobe which is not a matter of public display.

5. To reduce sisters No. 1 and No. 2 to an att.i.tude of proper respect, consistent with the approaching dignity of his sixteen years.

6. To thrash Puffy Ellis for the third consecutive summer.

7. To obtain permission for a two weeks' visit to the home of his chum, Snorky Green.

In all of which, be it observed that the feminine portion of society occupied not the slightest place.

On a radiant afternoon in mid-June, Skippy, having finished the last bar of peanut brittle and made sure that no vestige remained of the box of a.s.sorted chocolates which had preceded it down the Great Hungry Way, a.s.sembled three comic weeklies and four magazines, gave the porter a quarter for his ostentatious devotions and descended at the station, with exactly seven cents in his pocket, having calculated his budget to a nicety.

His patent leathers were in a decidedly shabby condition and cracked over the instep, but his brown and green check suit, the yellow tie and the new panama with the purple and white band were irreproachably _bon ton_. He stood a moment supporting himself on a light bamboo cane, contemplating his dress suit-case, which he acknowledged was not up to form. Not only had the straps rotted away, but there were strange depressions and bulges in it due to the Waladoo Bird's two hundred and twenty pounds having fallen upon it. Furthermore, it was stained with the marks of a root beer orgy and Snorky Green's mistaken efforts to remove the same stains with a pumice stone.

Skippy after a moment's deliberation, decided not to insult the hackman with an offer of seven cents and having consigned the unspeakable bag to the truckman proceeded on foot twirling his cane and trying to appear unaware of the admiration of the villagers who were particularly impressed by his perfect pants.

The Bedelle homestead was a large ornamental, turreted and bastioned mansion, consonant with Mr. Bedelle's increasing prosperity and Mrs.

Bedelle's social importance.

"Gee, the Governor certainly ought to stand for a raise," said Skippy to himself, with a proper appreciation of the velvety lawns, the flower gardens and the green and white stables. Then he remembered the none too brilliant record of the scholastic year which was sure to come up for discussion and fell into a sudden despondency.

CHAPTER XXII

GIRLS AS AN EPIDEMIC

AS he turned up the walk, sister No. 2, aged fourteen and a half, came romping off the porch and the following conversation took place.

"h.e.l.lo, Jack."

"h.e.l.lo, Tootsie."

"You idiotic boy, why didn't you telegraph?"

"What's the use? I'm here," said Skippy to whom a quarter of a dollar was an object of reverence.