Mr Punch's Model Music Hall Songs and Dramas Part 10

_Refrain_--Though she's only a little Plebeian, &c.

_Fourth Verse._

"You ask me, gov'nor, to resign," said he, "my only treasure, And so a toff her fickle heart away from me has won!"

He turned to mask his manly woe behind a pewter measure-- Then, breathing blessings through the beer, he said; "All right, my son!

_Refrain_--If she's only a little Plebeian, And you're a Patrician swell,"--&c.

_Fifth Verse._

(_The author flatters himself that, in quiet sentiment and homely pathos he has seldom done anything finer than the two succeeding stanzas._)

Next I sought my n.o.ble father in his old ancestral castle, And at his gouty foot my love's fond offering I laid-- A simple gift of sh.e.l.lfish, in a neat brown-paper parcel!

"Ah, Sir!" I cried, "if you could know, you'd love my little maid!"

_Refrain_--True, she's only a little Plebeian, &c.

_Sixth Verse._

Beneath his s.h.a.ggy eyebrows soon I saw a tear-drop twinkle; That artless present overcame his stubborn Norman pride!

And when I made him taste a whilk, and try a periwinkle, His last objections vanished--so she's soon to be my bride!

_Refrain_--Ah! she's only a little Plebeian, &c.

_Seventh Verse._

Now heraldry's a science that I haven't studied much in, But I mean to ask the College--if it's not against their rules-- That three periwinkles proper may be quartered on our 'scutcheon, With a whilk regardant, rampant, on an oyster-knife, all gules!

_Refrain_--As she's only a little Plebeian, &c.

This little ditty, which has the true, unmistakable ring about it, and will, _Mr. Punch_ believes, touch the hearts of any Music-hall audience, is entirely at the service of any talented _artiste_ who will undertake to fit it with an appropriate melody, and sing it in a spirit of becoming seriousness.

XI.--THE PANEGYRIC PATTER.

This ditty is designed to give some expression to the pa.s.sionate enthusiasm for nature which is occasionally observable in the Music-hall songstress. The young lady who sings these verses will of course appear in appropriate costume; viz., a large white hat and feathers, a crimson sunshade, a pink frock, high-heeled sand-shoes, and a liberal extent of black silk stockings. A phonetic spelling has been adopted where necessary to bring out the rhyme, for the convenience of the reader only, as the singer will instinctively give the vowel-sounds the p.r.o.nunciation intended by the author.

THE JOYS OF THE SEA-SIDE.

_First Verse._

Oh, I love to sit a-gyzing on the boundless blue horizing, When the scorching sun is blyzing down on sands, and s.h.i.+ps, and sea!

And to watch the busy figgers of the happy little diggers, Or to listen to the n.i.g.g.e.rs, when they choose to come to me!

_Chorus_ (_to which the singer should sway in waltz-time_).

For I'm offully fond of the _Sea_!-side!

If I'd only my w'y I would _de_-cide To dwell evermore, By the murmuring sh.o.r.e, With the billows a-bl.u.s.tering _be_-side!

_Second Verse._

Then how pleasant of a morning, to be up before the dorning!

And to sally forth a-prorning--e'en if nothing back you bring!

Some young men who like fatigue 'll go and try to pot a sea-gull, What's the odds if it's illegal, or the bird they only wing?

_Chorus_--For it's one of the sports of the _Sea_-side! &c.

_Third Verse._

Then what j'y to go a bything--though you'll swim, if you're a sly thing, Like a mermaid nimbly writhing, with a foot upon the sand!

When you're tired of old Poseidon, there's the pier to promenide on, Strauss, and Sullivan, and Haydn form the programme of the band.

_Chorus_--For there's always a band at the _Sea_-side! &c.

_Fourth Verse._

And, with boatmen so beguiling, sev'ral parties go out siling!

Sitting all together smiling, handing sandwiches about, To the sound of concertiner,--till they're gradually greener, And they wish the ham was leaner, as they sip their bottled stout.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE PANEGYRIC PATTER.]

_Chorus_--And they cry, "Put us back on the _Sea_-side!" &c.

_Fifth Verse._

There is pleasure unalloyed in hiring hacks and going roiding!

(If you stick on tight, avoiding any cropper or mishap,) Or about the rocks you ramble; over boulders slip and scramble; Or sit down and do a gamble, playing "Loo" or "Penny Nap."

_Chorus_--"Penny Nap" is the gyme for the _Sea_-side! &c.

_Sixth Verse._

Then it's lovely to be spewning, all the glamour of the mewn in, With your love his banjo tewning, ere flirtation can begin!

As along the sands you're strowling, till the hour of ten is towling, And your Ma, severely scowling, asks "Wherever you have bin!"

_Chorus_--Then you answer "I've been by the _Sea_-side!" &c.

_Seventh Verse._

Should the sky be dark and frowning, and the restless winds be mowning, With the breakers' thunder drowning all the laughter and the glee; And the day should prove a drencher, out of doors you will not ventcher, But you'll read the volumes lent yer by the Local Libraree!

_Chorus_--For there's sure to be one at the _Sea_-side! &c.

_Eighth Verse._