Dandy Dick Part 42

[_Calmly to NOAH._] Am I to gather, constable, from your respective att.i.tudes that you object to these little kindnesses extended to me by your worthy wife?

NOAH.

I'm wis.h.i.+n' to know the name o' my worthy wife's friend. A friend o'

hern is a friend o' mian.

HANNAH.

Noahry! Noahry!

NOAH.

She's gettin' me a lot o' nice noo friends since we coom to St.

Marvells.

HANNAH.

Noahry! I made this gentleman's acquaintance through the wicket, in a casual way.

NOAH.

Ay. Cooks and railins--cooks and railins! I might a guessed my wedded life 'ud a coom to this.

HANNAH.

He spoke to me just as a strange gentleman ought to speak to a lady!

Didn't you, sir--didn't you?

THE DEAN.

Hannah, do not let us even under these circ.u.mstances prevaricate; such is not quite the case!

[_NOAH advances savagely to THE DEAN. There is a knocking at the door.--NOAH restrains himself and faces THE DEAN._

NOAH.

Noa, this is neither the toime nor pla-ace, wi' people at the door and dinner on t' table, to spill a strange man's blood.

THE DEAN.

I trust that your self-respect as an officer of the law will avert anything so unseemly.

NOAH.

Ay. That's it! You've touched me on my point o' pride. There ain't another police-station in all Durnstone conducted more strict and rigid nor what mian is, and it shall so continue. You and me is a goin' to set out for Durnstone, and when the charges now standin' agen you is entered, it's I, Noah Topping, what'll hadd another!

[_There is another knock at the door._

HANNAH.

Noah!

NOAH.

The charge of allynating the affections o' my wife, 'Annah!

THE DEAN.

[_Horrified._] No, no!

NOAH.

Ay, and worse--the embezzlin' o' my mid-day meal prepared by her 'ands. [_Points into the cell._] Go in; you 'ave five minutes more in the 'ome you 'ave ruined and laid waste.

THE DEAN.

[_Going to the door and turning to NOAH._] You will at least receive my earnest a.s.surance that this worthy woman is extremely innocent?

NOAH.

Hinnocent? [_Points to the joint on the table._] Look theer! [_THE DEAN, much overcome, disappears through the cell door, which NOAH closes and locks. The knock at the door is repeated. To HANNAH, pointing to the outer door._] Hunlock that door!

HANNAH.

[_Weeping._] Oh, Noahry, you'll never be popular in St. Marvells.

NOAH.

Hunlock that door!

[_HANNAH unlocks the door, and admits GEORGIANA and SIR TRISTRAM, both dressed for the race-course._

GEORGIANA.

Dear me! Is this the Police-Station?

HANNAH.

Yes, lady. Take a chair, lady, near the fire. [_To SIR TRISTRAM._] Sit down, sir.

GEORGIANA.

This is my first visit to a police-station, my good woman; I hope it will be the last.

HANNAH.

Oh, don't say that, ma'am. We're honly hauxilliary 'ere, ma'am--the Bench sets at Durnstone.