All in It : K(1) Carries On Part 13

FIRST CHATTY SIGNALLER. This is Beer Company, sir. Weel, Jock, did ye get a quiet nicht?

SECOND CHATTY SIGNALLER. Oh, aye. There was a wee--

THE F.O.O. Is that C Battery? There's--

SECOND CHATTY SIGNALLER. No, sir. This is Don Company. Weel, Jimmy, there was a couple whish-bangs came intil--

REGIMENTAL HEADQUARTERS. HALLO, BRIGADE!

A CHEERFUL c.o.c.kNEY VOICE. Well, my lad, what abaht it?

REGIMENTAL HEADQUARTERS (_getting to work at once_). Hold the line, Brigade. Message to Staff Captain. "Ref. your S.C. fourr stroke seeven eight six, the worrking-parrty in question--"

THE F.O.O. (_seeing a gleam of hope_). Working-party? Is that C Battery? I want to speak to--

THE ADJUTANT. } BRIGADE HEADQUARTERS. } Get off the line!

REGIMENTAL HEADQUARTERS. }

FIRST CHATTY SIGNALLER. Haw, Jock, was ye hearin' aboot Andra?

SECOND CHATTY SIGNALLER. No. Whit was that?

FIRST CHATTY SIGNALLER. Weel--

THE F.O.O. (_doggedly_). Is that C Battery?

REGIMENTAL HEADQUARTERS (_resolutely_). "The worrking-parrty in question was duly detailed for tae proceed to the rendiss vowse at"--

THE ADJUTANT. Is that B Company, curse you?

REGIMENTAL HEADQUARTERS (_quite impervious to this sort of thing_),--"the rendiss vowse, at seeven thirrty Akk Emma, at point H two B eight nine, near the cross-roads by the Estamint Repose dee Bicyclistees, for tae"--honk! honkle! honk!

BRIGADE HEADQUARTERS (_compa.s.sionately_). You're makin' a 'orrible mess of this message, ain't you? Shake your transmitter, do!

REGIMENTAL HEADQUARTERS (_after dutifully performing this operation_).

Honkle, honkle, honk. Yang!

BRIGADE HEADQUARTERS. Buzz it, my lad, buzz it!

REGIMENTAL HEADQUARTERS (_dutifully_). Ping, ping! Ping, ping! Ping, ping, ping! Ping--

GENERAL CHORUS. Stop that ----, ----, ----, ---- buzzing!

FIRST CHATTY SIGNALLER. Weel, Andra says tae the Sergeant-Major of Beer Company, says he--

THE ADJUTANT. Is that B Company?

FIRST CHATTY SIGNALLER. No, sir; this is Beer Company.

THE ADJUTANT (_fortissimo_). I _said_ Beer Company!

FIRST CHATTY SIGNALLER. Oh! I thocht ye meant Don Company, sir.

THE ADJUTANT. Why the blazes haven't you answered me sooner?

FIRST CHATTY SIGNALLER (_tactfully_). There was other messages comin'

through, sir.

THE ADJUTANT. Well, get me the Company Commander.

FIRST CHATTY SIGNALLER. Varra good, sirr.

_A pause. Regimental Headquarters being engaged in laboriously "buzzing" its message through to the Brigade, all other conversation is at a standstill. The Harmonious Blacksmiths seize the opportunity to give a short selection. Presently, as the din dies down_--

THE F.O.O. (_faint, yet pursuing_). Is that C Battery?

A JOVIAL VOICE. Yes.

THE F.O.O. What a shock! I thought you were all dead. Is that you, Chumps?

THE JOVIAL VOICE. It is. What can I do for you this morning?

THE F.O.O. You can boil your signal sentry's head!

THE JOVIAL VOICE. What for?

THE F.O.O. For keeping me waiting.

THE JOVIAL VOICE. Righto! And the next article?

THE F.O.O. There's a Boche working-party in a coppice two hundred yards west of a point--

THE MOSQUITO (_with renewed vigour_). Ping, ping!

THE F.O.O. (_savagely_). Shut up!

THE JOVIAL VOICE. Working-party? I'll settle them. What's the map reference?

THE F.O.O. They are in Square number--

THE HARMONIOUS BLACKSMITHS (_suddenly and stunningly_). Whang!

THE F.O.O. Shut up! They are in Square--

FIRST CHATTY SIGNALLER. Hallo, Headquarters! Is the Adjutant there?

Here's the Captain tae speak with him.

AN EAGER VOICE. Is that the Adjutant?