A Nonsense Anthology Part 34

_Oliver Herford_.

THE CHIMPANZEE

Children, behold the Chimpanzee: He sits on the ancestral tree From which we sprang in ages gone.

I'm glad we sprang: had we held on, We might, for aught that I can say, Be horrid Chimpanzees today.

_Oliver Herford_.

THE HIPPOPOTAMUS

"Oh, say, what is this fearful, wild, Incorrigible cuss?"

"This _creature_ (don't say 'cuss,' my child; 'Tis slang)--this creature fierce is styled The Hippopotamus.

His curious name derives its source From two Greek words: _hippos_--a horse, _Potamos_--river. See?

The river's plain enough, of course; But why they called _that_ thing a _horse_, That's what is Greek to me."

_Oliver Herford_.

THE PLATYPUS

My child, the Duck-billed Platypus A sad example sets for us: From him we learn how Indecision Of character provokes Derision.

This vacillating Thing, you see, Could not decide which he would be, Fish, Flesh or Fowl, and chose all three.

The scientists were sorely vexed To cla.s.sify him; so perplexed Their brains, that they, with Rage at bay, Call him a horrid name one day,-- A name that baffles, frights and shocks us, Ornithorhynchus Paradoxus.

_Oliver Herford_.

SOME GEESE

Ev-er-y child who has the use Of his sen-ses knows a goose.

See them un-der-neath the tree Gath-er round the goose-girl's knee, While she reads them by the hour From the works of Scho-pen-hau-er.

How pa-tient-ly the geese at-tend!

But do they re-al-ly com-pre-hend What Scho-pen-hau-er's driv-ing at?

Oh, not at all; but what of that?

Nei-ther do I; nei-ther does she; And, for that mat-ter, nor does he.

_Oliver Herford_.

THE FLAMINGO

_Inspired by reading a chorus of spirits in a German play_

FIRST VOICE.

Oh! tell me have you ever seen a red, long-leg'd Flamingo?

Oh! tell me have you ever yet seen him the water in go?

SECOND VOICE.

Oh! yes at Bowling-Green I've seen a red long-leg'd Flamingo, Oh! yes at Bowling-Green I've there seen him the water in go.

FIRST VOICE.

Oh! tell me did you ever see a bird so funny stand-o When forth he from the water comes and gets upon the land-o?

SECOND VOICE.

No! in my life I ne'er did see a bird so funny stand-o When forth he from the water comes and gets upon the land-o.

FIRST VOICE.

He has a leg some three feet long, or near it, so they say, Sir.

Stiff upon one alone he stands, t'other he stows away, Sir.

SECOND VOICE.

And what an ugly head he's got! I wonder that he'd wear it.

But rather _more_ I wonder that his long, thin neck can bear it.

FIRST VOICE.

And think, this length of neck and legs (no doubt they have their uses) Are members of a little frame, much smaller than a goose's!

BOTH.

Oh! isn't he a curious bird, that red, long-leg'd Flamingo?

A water bird, a gawky bird, a sing'lar bird, by jingo!

_Lewis g.a.y.l.o.r.d Clark_.