A Nonsense Anthology Part 46

Man never is, but always to be bless'd; The tenth transmitter of a foolish face, Like Aaron's serpent, swallows up the rest, And makes a suns.h.i.+ne in the shady place.

For man the hermit sigh'd, till woman smiled, To waft a feather or to drown a fly, (In wit a man, simplicity a child,) With silent finger pointing to the sky.

But fools rush in where angels fear to tread, Far out amid the melancholy main; As when a vulture on Imaus bred, Dies of a rose in aromatic pain.

_Laman Blanchard_.

IMERICKS

There was an old person of Ware Who rode on the back of a bear; When they said, "Does it trot?"

He said: "Certainly not, It's a Moppsikon Floppsikon bear."

There was an old person of Wick, Who said, "Tick-a-Tick, Tick-a-Tick, Chickabee, Chickabaw,"

And he said nothing more, This laconic old person of Wick.

There was an old person of Woking, Whose mind was perverse and provoking; He sate on a rail, With his head in a pail, That illusive old person of Woking.

There was once a man with a beard Who said, "It is just as I feared!-- Two Owls and a Hen, Four Larks and a Wren Have all built their nests in my beard."

There was an old man of Thermopylae, Who never did anything properly; But they said: "If you choose To boil eggs in your shoes, You cannot remain in Thermopylae."

There was an Old Man who said, "Hus.h.!.+

I perceive a young bird in this bus.h.!.+"

When they said, "Is it small?"

He replied, "Not at all; It is four times as big as the bus.h.!.+"

There was an Old Man who supposed That the street door was partially closed; But some very large Rats Ate his coats and his hats, While that futile Old Gentleman dozed.

There was an Old Man of Leghorn, The smallest that ever was born; But quickly snapt up he Was once by a Puppy, Who devoured that Old Man of Leghorn.

There was an Old Man of Kamschatka Who possessed a remarkably fat Cur; His gait and his waddle Were held as a model To all the fat dogs in Kamschatka.

_Edward Lear_.

[_From books printed for the benefit of the New York Fair in aid of the Sanitary Commission_, 1864]

There was a gay damsel of Lynn, Whose waist was so charmingly thin, The dressmaker needed A microscope--she did-- To fit this slim person of Lynn.

There was a young lady of Milton, Who was highly disgusted with Stilton; When offered a bite, She said, "Not a mite!"

That suggestive young lady of Milton.

There was a dear lady of Eden, Who on apples was quite fond of feedin'; She gave one to Adam, Who said, "Thank you, Madam,"

And then both skedaddled from Eden.

There was a young lady of Wales, Who wore her back hair in two tails; And a hat on her head That was striped black and red, And studded with ten-penny nails.

There was an old man who said, "Do Tell me how I'm to add two and two?

I'm not very sure That it doesn't make four-- But I fear that is almost too few."

There once was a man who said, "How Shall I manage to carry my cow?

For if I should ask it To get in my basket, 'Twould make such a terrible row."

_Anonymous_.

There once was an old man of Lyme Who married three wives at a time; When asked, "Why a third?"

He replied, "One's absurd!

And bigamy, sir, is a crime."

There once was a person of Benin, Who wore clothes not fit to be seen in; When told that he shouldn't, He replied, "Gumscrumrudent!"

A word of inscrutable meanin'.

There once was a girl of New York Whose body was lighter than cork; She had to be fed For six weeks upon lead, Before she went out for a walk.

_Cosmo Monkhouse_.

There was a young man who was bitten By twenty-two cats and a kitten; Sighed he, "It is clear My finish is near; No matter; I'll die like a Briton!"

There was a princess of Bengal, Whose mouth was exceedingly small; Said she, "It would be More easy for me To do without eating at all!"

There was an old stupid who wrote The verses above that we quote; His want of all sense Was something immense, Which made him a person of note.

_Walter Parke_.