The Best Nonsense Verses Part 1

The Best Nonsense Verses.

by Various.

NOTE

The publisher desires to acknowledge the courtesy of authors and publishers in granting permission to reprint the verses contained in this book. To Mr. Guy Wetmore Carryl, whose "Fables for the Frivolous"

are published by Messrs. Harper & Brothers; to Mr. Charles E. Carryl, whose verses appeared originally in _St. Nicholas_; to Mr. Oliver Herford, whose "Child's Primer of Natural History" is published by Messrs. Charles Scribner's Sons; to the same author for the selection from "Alphabet of Celebrities," published by Messrs. Small, Maynard & Co.; and Messrs. Harper & Brothers, the publishers of du Maurier's "A Legend of Camelot;" and to Messrs. Little, Brown & Co., who publish an edition of Lear's Nonsense Books.

FATHER WILLIAM

"You are old, father William," the young man said, "And your hair has become very white: And yet you incessantly stand on your head-- Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

"In my youth," father William replied to his son, "I feared it might injure the brain: But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none, Why, I do it again and again."

"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before, And have grown most uncommonly fat; Yet you turned a back somersault in at the door-- Pray, what is the reason of that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, "I kept all my limbs very supple By the use of this ointment--one s.h.i.+lling the box-- Allow me to sell you a couple."

"You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak For anything tougher than suet; Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak; Pray, how did you manage to do it?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law, And argued each case with my wife: And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw Has lasted the rest of my life."

"You are old," said the youth; "one would hardly suppose That your eye was as steady as ever; Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose-- What made you so awfully clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"

Said his father; "don't give yourself airs!

Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?

Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!"

[_Lewis Carroll_

THE WALRUS AND THE CARPENTER

The sun was s.h.i.+ning on the sea, s.h.i.+ning with all his might: He did his very best to make The billows smooth and bright-- And this was odd, because it was The middle of the night.

The moon was s.h.i.+ning sulkily, Because she thought the sun Had got no business to be there After the day was done-- "It's very rude of him," she said, "To come and spoil the fun!"

The sea was wet as wet could be, The sands were dry as dry.

You could not see a cloud, because No cloud was in the sky: No birds were flying overhead-- There were no birds to fly.

The Walrus and the Carpenter Were walking close at hand: They wept like anything to see Such quant.i.ties of sand: "If this were only cleared away,"

They said, "it would be grand!"

"If seven maids with seven mops Swept it for half a year, Do you suppose," the Walrus said "That they could get it clear!"

"I doubt it," said the Carpenter, And shed a bitter tear.

"O Oysters come and walk with us!"

The Walrus did beseech.

"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk, Along the briny beach: We cannot do with more than four, To give a hand to each."

The eldest Oyster looked at him, But never a word he said: The eldest Oyster winked his eye, And shook his heavy head-- Meaning to say he did not choose To leave the oyster-bed.

But four young oysters hurried up, All eager for the treat: Their coats were brushed, their faces washed, Their shoes were clean and neat-- And this was odd, because, you know, They hadn't any feet.

Four other oysters followed them, And yet another four; And thick and fast they came at last, And more, and more, and more-- All hopping through the frothy waves, And scrambling to the sh.o.r.e.

The Walrus and the Carpenter Walked on a mile or so, And then they rested on a rock Conveniently low: And all the little Oysters stood And waited in a row.

"The time has come," the Walrus said, "To talk of many things; Of shoes--and s.h.i.+ps--and sealing-wax-- Of cabbages--and kings-- And why the sea is boiling hot-- And whether pigs have wings."

"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried, "Before we have our chat: For some of us are out of breath, And all of us are fat!"

"No hurry!" said the Carpenter.

They thanked him much for that.

"A loaf of bread," the Walrus said, "Is what we chiefly need: Pepper and vinegar besides Are very good indeed-- Now if you're ready, Oysters dear, We can begin to feed."

"But not on us!" the Oysters cried, Turning a little blue.

"After such kindness that would be A dismal thing to do!"

"The night is fine," the Walrus said, "Do you admire the view?"

"It was so kind of you to come!

And you are very nice!"

The Carpenter said nothing but "Cut us another slice: I wish you were not quite so deaf-- I've had to ask you twice!"

"It seems a shame," the Walrus said, "To play them such a trick, After we've brought them out so far, And made them trot so quick!"

The Carpenter said nothing but "The b.u.t.ter's spread too thick!"

"I weep for you," the Walrus said: "I deeply sympathize."

With sobs and tears he sorted out Those of the largest size, Holding his pocket-handkerchief Before his streaming eyes.

"O Oysters," said the Carpenter, "You've had a pleasant run!

Shall we be trotting home again?"

But answer came there none-- And this was scarcely odd, because They'd eaten every one.

[_Lewis Carroll_

THE HUNTING OF THE SNARK--Extracts