News Writing Part 9

_Only_ here should come immediately before the phrase by _submitting_.

=161. Parenthetic Expressions.=--The use of long parenthetic expressions within a sentence is also a frequent cause of lack of clearness. In general, sentences within parentheses should be avoided in news articles. Two short terse sentences are clearer--hence far more effective--than one long one containing a doubtfully clear parenthetic phrase or clause. The prime fault with the following sentence, for instance, is the inclusion of the two parenthetic clauses, necessitating a close reading to get the meaning:

Even if the allies shall be able to force the Dardanelles, and present indications are that they will, the wheat crop in Russia will not be up to the average from that country on account of the withdrawal of so many millions of men for purely military purposes, either in the fields of battle or in the factories getting munitions of war ready.

Put into two sentences, the ill.u.s.tration becomes:

Even if the allies shall be able to fulfil their present expectations of forcing the Dardanelles, the Russian wheat will not be up to the average. Too many millions of men have been withdrawn from the field to the trenches and the munition factories to enable the country to produce a full crop.

=162. s.h.i.+fted Subject.=--A s.h.i.+fted subject within a sentence is also usually a hindrance to clearness. Indeed, one can aid clearness in successive sentences by retaining as far as possible the same subject.

Certainly one should not s.h.i.+ft subjects within the sentence without good reason. The two following sentences exhibit the weakness of the s.h.i.+fted subject:

The British amba.s.sador to Norway has offered $25,000 reward for his capture, and he bears a special pa.s.sport from the Kaiser.

Witter was standing near the curb, but the death-car pa.s.sed without his seeing it.

Improved, these sentences become:

The British amba.s.sador to Norway has offered $25,000 reward for the capture of Benson, who bears a special pa.s.sport from the Kaiser.

Witter was standing near the curb, but failed to see the death-car pa.s.s.

=163. Coherence.=--Clearness frequently is destroyed or greatly lessened through lack of proper coherence. Writers often forget that every sentence has a double purpose: to convey a meaning itself and to make clearer the meaning of preceding and succeeding sentences. The reporter should watch closely to see not only that the phrases of his sentences follow each other in natural sequence, but also that the relation of those phrases to adjacent ones in the same or other sentences is clearly shown. Here is a notice made ludicrous because the reporter used a connective indicating a wrong relation between two clauses:

Mrs. Alpheus White is on the sick list this week. Dr. Anderson has been with her, but we hope she may soon recover.

The connective that the writer should have used, of course, was _and_, or else none at all. Subst.i.tute the _and_ or merely omit the _but_ and the coherence is perfect.

=164. Coherence and Unity.=--Many sentences that appear to lack unity are really wanting in proper coherence. For instance,

Dr. Alvers was called as soon as the accident was discovered, and it is feared now she will not recover,

is a sentence lacking in unity, but one that may be unified properly if the coherence is made good. Thus:

Dr. Alvers was called as soon as the accident was discovered, and though he gave all the aid that medical science could render, it is feared now she will not recover.

=165. Sentence Emphasis.=--Sentence emphasis is gained in five ways: by form, position, proportion, repet.i.tion, and delicacy of expression.

Sentence form--putting into an independent clause what is most important--has already been discussed under clearness. The use of position for emphasis is the placing at the beginning or end of the sentence the ideas that are most important and the enclosure within of the less important thoughts. The following sentence ill.u.s.trates a writer's failure to avail himself of position for emphasis:

This afternoon reports that she was still missing from home were being circulated.

But _this afternoon_ and _circulated_ are not the important concepts.

_Reports_ and _still missing from home_ are the emphatic ideas and should be put first and last respectively. Thus:

Reports were being circulated this afternoon that she was still missing from home.

So with the following:

This morning fifty convicts of the Kansas State penitentiary were placed in solitary confinement, accused of being leaders in a mutiny yesterday in the coal mines operated by the penitentiary.

_This morning_ and _mines operated by the penitentiary_ are not, however, the important ideas. A better arrangement of the sentence reads:

Accused of being leaders in a mutiny yesterday in the penitentiary coal mines, fifty convicts of the Kansas State penitentiary were placed this morning in solitary confinement.

Similarly, a phrase or clause transferred from its normal position in the sentence will attract attention to itself. Note the increased emphasis upon _the matter was purely political_ in the following sentence by transference of it from its normal position at the end:

Simpson, who was in the uniform of a lieutenant when arrested at New Orleans, said the matter was purely political.

That the matter was purely political was the statement made by Simpson, who was in the uniform of a lieutenant when arrested at New Orleans.

=166. Proportion for Emphasis.=--The emphasis of a sentence in a news story varies in inverse proportion to its length. Emphasis is gained by brevity. A prolix style tires the reader; and newspaper s.p.a.ce is valuable. The reporter, therefore, must make his sentences short and pointed. He must condense, must reduce predication to a minimum. As few verbs as possible and all verbs active is a slogan in the news room. It is an error from a newspaper standpoint to include in a sentence any word that may be omitted without altering or obscuring the sense. One of the first requisites for success in journalism is ability to present facts with a minimum of words. Note the added emphasis given the following sentences by mere reduction in the number of words:

It is well to understand that a high temperature of heat, boiling or more, destroys the germs of disease.

It is well understood that a high temperature, boiling or more, destroys germs.

A pioneer living west of Solon blew his head off to-day with a shotgun. Death followed the deed instantly.

A pioneer living west of Solon killed himself instantly to-day by blowing his head off with a shotgun.

Miss Helen Goodrich, who is an aviatrix of note, was arrested in Bremen this morning charged with kidnapping.

Miss Helen Goodrich, an aviatrix of note, was arrested in Bremen this morning charged with kidnapping.

Note that in the last ill.u.s.tration, in particular, the condensation consists in reducing predication, in merely removing a verb and a p.r.o.noun from the sentence.

=167. Repet.i.tion.=--The worth of repet.i.tion as a means of obtaining coherence has been discussed in a preceding chapter. Its value as an effective means of gaining emphasis is also noteworthy. Consider the effect of the repet.i.tion of the word _blithe_ in the following two sentences:

A blithe young man met a blithe young woman at State and Adams Streets Friday. Michael Hurley, a blithe plain-clothes policeman, met them both.

Great care must be exercised, however, in repeating a word for emphasis.

The usage may easily be a handicap rather than a help. More often than not, repet.i.tion of the same word or phrase is the result of laziness or paucity of vocabulary, and destroys the force of the sentence. An instance of too frequent use of the same word--the adjective _beautiful_--appears in the following:

The bride was elaborately gowned in a beautiful sky-blue messaline dress, with silk over lace, and carried a beautiful bouquet of gladiolis, besides having a beautiful bouquet of flowers at the waist. The groom wore the usual blue worsted suit, with a beautiful b.u.t.tonhole bouquet, while the bridesmaid was beautifully gowned in a white French serge trimmed with a light blue silk girdle and a blue silk tango cord at the throat, and also had a beautiful bouquet at the waist. The best man wore a rich dark gray suit and also had a beautiful b.u.t.tonhole bouquet. The room was beautifully decorated with green foliage and roses, formed into a beautiful arch, under which the couple stood during the ceremony, which was performed by Rev. Wells of this city.

=168. Delicacy of Expression.=--Delicacy of expression is that quality in news writing which distinguishes the star reporter from the cub. It may be learned, but never taught. It is this elusive element in writing and the inability of instructors to impart it that make many journalists say news writing cannot be taught. Delicacy of expression is not effeminacy. It is originality; it is cleverness; it is nimbleness of wit and beauty of phrase; it is grace; it is simplicity; it is restraint; it is tact. It is all these, and more. It is that intuition in a star man which forbids his beginning the same kind of story day after day with a fixed, hackneyed type of sentence, which makes him avoid triteness of expression. It is that something in him which compels him to avoid affectation, to love beauty and grace, born of simplicity, unadornedness. It is that inborn sense of good taste that restrains the writer from indelicate, personal allusions so offensive to men and women of refinement. All this and more is delicacy of expression, and blest is the journalist who has it. The reporter who wrote the following had not yet learned the art:

=THE HAVENS-MERRILL WEDDING= At 7:30 the sounds of the wedding march scintillated through the Havens house like tired waves laving the sh.o.r.es of a mighty lake. Seldom if ever has such a scene been witnessed in this place. The smell of spring flowers was everywhere coming to all nostrils. Presently there was a slight disturbance at the right hand entrance, and then the bride entered on the arm of her father, William Havens, the well-known merchant. Simultaneous at the opposite door was another disturbance, and the bridegroom entered attended by Henry Merrill of Des Moines. Then the two parties proceeded down the middle aisles, meeting under a beautiful marriage bell where the two hearts were beautifully made as one, which was followed by congratulations all along the aisles.

=MR. CRAIG WEDS MISS SCh.e.l.l= Mr. Joe Craig and Miss Cora Sch.e.l.l, both of Mena, were quietly married at the Hotel Main, Durant, Okla., Monday, and are boarding at this hotel. Mr. Craig is well known as a skilful bricklayer, honest and industrious. The bride is well known in this city and proved her worth by the years she served the Lochridge Dry Goods Company as cas.h.i.+er. She is a member of the Woodmen Circle and carries a large insurance. We regret that she must leave, but like Rebekah of old, she leaves home, family, and friends to travel the journey of life with her "Isaac" (Joe) in a distant land. We feel that the expression of all her friends is that the best this world affords will be theirs to the end of their journey and that a new life awaits them in another and higher sphere.

=169. Essentials of the Sentence.=--If a reporter can write grammatically correct sentences,--if he can coordinate and subordinate accurately the different parts; if he can give all the p.r.o.nouns definite antecedents; if he can keep his verbs consistent, having them agree in person and number with their subjects; if he can make effective use of ellipsis,--his sentences will possess the first essentials of a good sentence,--accuracy. If he can make his sentences clear and forceful,--if he can keep grammatically connected words, phrases, and clauses close together; if he can eliminate lengthy parenthetic expressions; if he can avoid unnecessary s.h.i.+fts of subjects within sentences; if he can make readily clear the relation of every phrase in a sentence to every other phrase in it and adjoining sentences; if he can put important ideas at the beginning and the end of the sentence; if he can make his sentences short and concise; if he can acquire delicacy of expression,--his sentences will possess the second requisite of a good sentence,--interest. Accuracy and interest, these are the elements that make a sentence good. And the greater of these is accuracy.