Punch and Judy, with Instructions How to Manage the Little Actors Part 4

J. K.--Mr. PUNCH, be a good fellow--you are a considerable burden to me and I want to get the load off my hands; oblige me by being hung, here is the noose, just put your head in here.

PUNCH.--Through that place there? (_Pointing to the noose._) I don't know how.

J. K.--It is very easy: only put your head in that loop,--here,--take the noose.

PUNCH.--What so? (_Poking his head on one side of the noose then on the other side._)

J. K.--Not so, you fool.

PUNCH.--Mind, who you call fool: try if you can do it yourself: only show me how it can be done--old pestilence and I'll try.

J. K.--Very well; I will, you see my head and you see this loop. Put it in, so. (_Putting his head through the noose._)

PUNCH.--And pull it tight, so! (_He pulls the body forcibly down, and hangs JACK KETCH._) Huzza! huzza! (_PUNCH takes down the corpse and places it in the coffin. Enter two men who remove the gallows and then carry away the coffin containing the body of JACK KETCH and exit._)

PUNCH.--There they go; they think they have got me in that coffin. (_He sings_)

Let the wild world wag as it will I'll be merry merry still.

Jack Ketch is dead and I am free I don't care if old Nick himself should come for me.

(_During his singing he beats time with his stick._)

I am the man to manage them all, Here's a stick to thump old Nick, If ever he pays me a call.

(_Enter the_ DEVIL. _Peeps in at the corner, and exit._)

PUNCH.--(_Much frightened, and retreating as far as he can._) Oh dear!

oh Lord! What is that? That's old Nick, sure enough. (_The_ DEVIL _comes forward._ PUNCH _stands on the defensive._)

PUNCH.--Keep off, Mr. DEVIL. (_The_ DEVIL _advances_) Look out for your eyes. (_The_ DEVIL _darts at_ PUNCH, _who escapes and aims a blow at him: the_ DEVIL _eludes it, as well as many other blows which_ PUNCH _aims at him, laying his head on the platform, and slipping it rapidly backward and forward, so that_ PUNCH _instead of striking him, only repeatedly hits the boards. Exit_ DEVIL.)

PUNCH.--He, he, he! (_laughing._) He is off: He who runs away will live to fight another day.

(_A noise in the background is heard._)

(PUNCH _alarmed by hearing a strange, whirring noise, like that made by a spinning-wheel, retreats to the corner of the stage._)

(_Re-enter the_ DEVIL, _with a stick. He makes up to_ PUNCH, _who retreats round the back of the stage, and they stand eyeing one another and fensing at opposite sides. At last the_ DEVIL _makes a blow at_ PUNCH _which tells on the back of his head._)

PUNCH.--Take care of my head! What is that for? Old boy, can't we be friends. (_The_ DEVIL _hits him again._ PUNCH _now begins to be angry._) Well, if you won't be a friend, we will be enemies, now, old DEVIL. I take the chances in this contest, your head or mine, we must try which is the best man PUNCH or the DEVIL.

(_Here commences a terrific combat between the_ DEVIL _and_ PUNCH.

_Compared with which the fight between the French and the Prussians, if you leave out the guns, was more than boy play. In the beginning,_ PUNCH _has much the worst of it; but, at length succeeds in planting several heavy blows in the small of the_ DEVIL'S _back. This weakens the old Father of evil, and towards the conclusion_ PUNCH _drives his enemy before him. The_ DEVIL _stunned by repeated blows, falls down, when_ PUNCH _kills him; and putting him on his shoulder carries him round, exclaiming_,) Huzza! huzza! the DEVIL'S dead.