Hotel Andromeda Part 3

"It's raining in my room."

Lekvich frowned. "Do you mean the pipes are leaking?"

"No. It's the environmental control. It's out of whack or something."

Of course, Lekvich thought. The environmental controls. If

16.

Karen Haber it's not that it's the gravity. If it's not that it's the guppy. Or the Saurian with a diamond in his nose.

"I'll see that somebody gets to it, sir."

"Hurry, please. My portfolio is getting soaked!"

Lekvich thought that it would be very nice to lie in a quiet room on a soft bed somewhere and have warm rain trickle down onto his body. What was this guy complaining about, he wondered. Why didn't he just lie down and enjoy it?

Bzzzzt!

"Concierge."

"Lekvich, this is Ranee."

"Oh, Ranee, thank goodness. You won't believe - "

"I can't talk," she said. "I'm on deck thirty-five. Winnie Payne, the second a.s.sistant night manager, saw me with Wolf and hauled us both into a meeting. 1*11 be back as soon as I can get loose."

Before Lekvich could say another word, she was gone.

Bzzzt!

"Concierge," he said hopelessly.

"Ranee?"

"I'm sony, she's not here."

"Not back yet?" It was Scadool, her mysterious caller again. He didn't sound pleased.

"I'm sorry, no," Lekvich said, and thought: You don't know just how sorry I am.

Scadool hung up.

Lekvich was beginning to get angry. Didn't anyone believe in basic good manners anymore?

"h.e.l.lo again."

It was Celeste, the Saurian, leering over the console at him and waggling her ruby-studded eye ridges.

"Where's Raoul?" Lekvich said.

"Oh, he's still eating. I told him I had to visit the ladies'

room," she said, and winked slyly. "Now arc you certain you can't take a break?" She rubbed her thumb and forefinger to- gether in a mercenary way. "I promise you that you'll enjoy many rewards, and not all of them on the physical plane."

Lekvich Tor felt the growing pressure in his bladder and began to despair. He was really getting uncomfortable, and this l.u.s.tful Saurian was not making matters easier. He mus- tered his best and iciest manners.

FIRST NIGHTER.

17.

"I'm sorry, madam. I'm flattered, truly. But as you can see, there's n.o.body here but me. I simply can't leave the desk."

"What about a robot? Can't you order one to come and sub for you?"

"I beg your pardon." Lekvich drew himself up to his full five feet and five inches. How dare she imply that a robot could do a job as complicated as mis.

"Now don't get huffy," Celeste said. "You're obviously a sensitive and intelligent young man. How would you like a job as a personal valet? I'll just talk to your boss-"

"Celeste""

Raoul bore down upon them, eyes flas.h.i.+ng. "I knew I'd find you here. You're shameless, utterly shameless. I can't turn my back on you for a second."

"Now, Raoul-"

"Don't you 'now, Raoul' me! So you had to go to the la- dies' room, eh? I can't trust you at all. I might as well divorce you right here and now. Young man, can you provide me with some a.s.sistance?"

"Sir?" Lekvich stared at him in horror. Was he going to be involved in a divorce suit on his first night on the job?

Bzzzt! Bzzzt! Bzzzt!

The console was lighting up in a crazy array of colors, but as Lekvich reached for a call, Raoul interceded, grabbing his hand.

"Are you deaf as well as stupid? I asked if you could pro- vide the services of an attorney."

"Raoul," Celeste wailed. "You don't mean it. Please, dar- ling, don't kick me out. I'll be good, I promise."

"I'm tired of your promises."

Bzzzt! Bzzzt! Bzzzt!

"Concierge." Lekvich said desperately. "Please hold. Please hold. Please hold."

Raoul yanked on his wrist. "Well?"

"Please, sir. Let go of me. I'll request an attorney for you in a moment if you'll just be patient."

"I've been patient long enough. You don't know how I've suffered with this b.i.t.c.h."

Lekvich was tempted to tell him that he could actually imagine what a trial Celeste had been to him. But Raoul

18.

Karen Haber didn't seem interested in commiseration, especially from Lekvich Tor.

Bzzzt!

"Please. I must answer the call," Lekvich said. He pulled himself free of Raoul's grasp. "Concierge."

"Quick, we need Housekeeping down here in wing seven.

A water-breather tipped over his tank."

"Can you hold on?"

Bzzzt!

"Concierge."

"I'd like to arrange for personality enhancement."

"Sir, you want implants, extension 75."

Bzzzt!

"Concierge."

"Which department handles tattoos?"

"You want Dermatology, ma'am, line 89."

Bzzzt!

"Concierge."

"This is room 842. Something's wrong with our environ- mental control. In fact, everybody on this floor seems to be having trouble. We're all floating around in null-g."

"Could you please hold?"

"I'm getting tired of waiting!" Raoul roared.

Bzzzt! Bzzzt! Bzzzt!

"What's going on here?" a familiar voice demanded.

"Ranee!" Lekvich Tor could have fainted with mingled re- lief and horror.

His supervisor stood and glowered at him. "It's absolute bedlam here and I've only been gone for half a s.h.i.+ft."

"I'm sorry. Ranee."

She ignored him and turned to Raoul. "Sir, what seems to be the problem?"

"Are you this young man's supervisor?"

"That's right."

"I'd like to report him for insubordination. And slowness.

I've been waiting for him to provide me with the services of a good divorce attorney."

"I'm terribly sorry for the inconvenience, sir. What is your room number?"

"Eleven seventy."

FIRST NIGHTER 19.

"I'll have a lawyer sent immediately. Do you prefer human or robot?"

"Robot. At least my soon-to-be ex-wife won't be able to flirt with one of those."

"Very good." Ranee typed a command into the net and nodded. "It will be there in five minutes."

"Now, Raoul," Celeste said. "Don't get so excited. Think of your blood pressure." She wound a meaty arm around her husband's neck and tickled his cheek with one long orange talon. "Darling, you're so attractive when you're enraged."

"Stop it, Celeste."

"No, it's true. You're magnificent This is the Saurian I married, come back to me."

"Do you really think so?"