Circular Motion Part 15

A consumer activist group has recently revealed that the airlines have been taking consumers for a ride in more ways that one. KCFU Inc., most widely known for its owners.h.i.+p of the independent worldwide radio network of the same name, claims the industry has been giving people their dreams, literally.

Outside the town of Guadeloupe, New Mexico lies what seems to be a junkyard of old s.h.i.+pping containers, rusted and left out to rot after the Federal Aviation Administration Authorization Act of 1994. However, these s.h.i.+pping containers are more than likely fronts for a high technology scam whose ramifications are just beginning to unfold.

In a written press release KCFU Inc. says the airline companies have been in layman's terms transporting people out during their sleep to this New Mexican facility where dreams have been played out under the surveillance of some of the world's most high tech gadgetry.

After about thirty to forty minutes of normal sleep, the KCFU Inc. report says just about everyone in the continental United States is funneled out of their minds and into airline-owned silicon where their dreams take shape. As our science correspondent Dr. Ken Libbrecht of the California Inst.i.tute of Technology tells us, 'Dreams are the gateway to our unconscious mind. If we can reach inside them, who knows the mysteries we can discover. The transfer of dreams from one location to another remains a distinct possibility. One can describe the phenomena with piece of toast. Whether you put a peanut on b.u.t.tered toast or you put peanut b.u.t.ter on bread and then toast it you end up with the same end product. That's of course with the chunky kind. However, the mathematics behind this theory can break down, for example if creamy peanut b.u.t.ter is used.'

The reason for this long distance hoki-poki? Everyone seems to have a different answer to that, ranging from the conventional theories of a new advertising medium and tapping human creativity to the more unconventional theories from the UFO community claiming a new form of alien abduction in cohorts with Martians from Vega 3! The consumer advocates, however, could agree on one thing --nighttime trips to New Mexico could not be in our nation's best interest.

But one frequent flyer we spoke to wasn't so sure the brain s.n.a.t.c.hing was such a bad thing at all. 'Well, I had a dream one night I was in my living room flipping through channels on the TV looking for a good p.o.r.n station. Wouldn't it be just dandy if I really blinked all the way out to Mexico and was sitting in one of those big red boxes the entire time?'

Religious groups have spoken out against the findings of KCFU Inc. scientists as blasphemous for the linkage inherent in the report between the soul and the yet unconfirmed second brain wave layer of quant.i.tative perception, saying, 'you can bet they won't get any Republican support on this one.'

The airlines meanwhile deny any involvement or knowledge of such activity, counter charging KCFU Inc. as to having connections with terrorist activity around the world and as such be prosecuted under the terms of the national anti-terrorist bill of 1996. 'Just try to find Guadeloupe on a map!'

KCFU Inc. could not be reached for further comment.

I guess a report like that should have bothered me a lot but at the time I didn't know I would meet up with him again.

Before I left my room I opened one of my drawers and pulled out a spare credit card. I don't know where I'd be without perpetual debt and fake money and parents that always pay the bills. Maybe that's what I was going after the night before with the blurred English. I probably should have called someone about my missing cards but I didn't.

When I opened the door I saw Marie from last night coming down the hall. I said 'hi' to her. She smiled at me and kept walking down towards the elevator. She slipped into one as it was closing so I didn't get to talk to her. I got on the next one with this big athletic-looking guy who would breath deeply. On the way down all I could hear was the in and out of air through his nose.

There were these mailboxes on the first floor of my building lined up against the wall. They were designed in the 60's so they looked like they were from Gotham. I checked mine and I had one of those slips that say to check the mailroom for a package. I lived in a pretty big building. The note said it was some kind of FedEx. The mailroom was closed though so I couldn't get the package. At least there was no one at the counter. But the diversion made me forgot about getting food. I remember walking around campus the rest of the afternoon without going to any cla.s.ses.

I was lying under a tree watching the sun go down but it was still around 3 so nothing was really happening. I was free-a.s.sociating with the gra.s.s how it was green like kiwis and it would give me allergies like kiwis like I told you before. I like kiwis. The green kiwis thought reminded me of in Candide (1759) where the sheep was red because the sheep was red. And the sky behind the sun I was watching that did not move is blue because it is and there aren't really any photons bouncing of air molecules. But that's just silly.

Then I remembered about what had happen the night before. About the girl jumping off the roof and everything. I felt bad about just sitting there dreaming of red sheep. But I guess that's pretty normal. This one time a girl poured gasoline on herself and lit herself on fire in the middle of campus during the day. Kathy Change was her name I think. I wasn't there but Lot told me everyone just stood there watching not knowing what to do. She burned to death and for a week or two people talked about her but now it's pretty much forgotten.

And then there was something about me being dead too. I couldn't really remember what though. I tried to remember but sometimes trying to remember the past is like trying to remember the future, ya know? You just can't think straight enough.

After a while I got up from under the tree. I think it was between cla.s.ses cuz the paths were full of people with their backpacks.

Near the center of campus I came to this copper statue and stopped in front of it. The statue had turned green in a couple areas with impurity. It reminded me of green stuff. I saw this girl I knew sitting in next to the statue and then she saw me and waved. Green's an icky color. I think she wanted me to sit down next to her. I said h.e.l.lo.

"I haven't seen you lately. Where have you been?" I think she was doing homework on the lawn under the sun.

I sat down kinda strange; my right foot was under my left leg and my left foot was wrapped against my right leg but I was leaning on my right side and it wasn't comfortable. I could never sit Indian-style very well. "I dunno. Around."

"Really? I've been trying to catch up on work I've missed. I'm such a procrastinator, ya know? I never get things done before hand and always wait until the last minute. It's a bad habit, but what can you do?" She was pretty talkative. "You were in Calculus once upon a time, right?"

I think she was trying to complement me. I always end up feeling insulted when people try to complement me though. Like I'm different from everyone else and that makes me, well, you know, uncomfortable. I guess that's like Lot, too. "Ya."

"I think I'm doing ok but there's some stuff I'm confused with." I guess she meant she wanted me to help her out.

"Really?" I looked around at the people around me and saw them walking past. Some things were rather strange like this one kid was walking slow with one foot in front of the other with his hands out like he's balancing on a tight rope except it was a sidewalk crack.

"Like power series and stuff." She kept on talking but I wasn't really paying attention. I was staring at this building that was across from me on the other side of the sidewalk; I think it was a library or something. I was just looking and my eyes became unfocused like the night before looking at the ceiling but this time I wasn't doing it on purpose. Everything had this orange tint superimposed on it like I had yellow sungla.s.ses on. The people walking with their arms and legs moving in opposite directions and their bookbags on their shoulders and the usually matte black lampposts and the stone flat-faced building were all glowing. The orange looked good against the green gra.s.s. Complimentary colors. Then I heard the girl that was with me say, 'I got back late and there was this guy that was bothering me but I didn't like him very much', and I looked at her and the orange tint thing stopped.

I guess I wasn't helping much with the conversation. I remembered she used to like me so I smiled. She smiled too. I couldn't take it. This was too much. "Hey, I gotta go; I'm running out of change. I can help ya later if you want."

"Ok. I'll stop by tonight."

I got up and left and I think she was looking at me. I don't know. I guess she was ok. But as you could probably tell by now I'm not good with getting to know people well. I mean like some people will miss you when you go away and write or call. With me it's like I just notice myself more. I don't even miss my parents. Although with your parents it doesn't matter; you don't have to be very nice and write and call yet there always there. But you gotta play your cards perfect to get anywhere with anyone else. And people like her are always extending themselves a little but I don't reciprocate anything. Most people don't like that very much.

I walked down a bit and I was feeling kinda tired so I laid down next to this rock that had mushrooms next to it and tried to take a nap. I guess I didn't get enough sleep the night before. I know sleeping with your contacts in is bad but sometimes I do it anyway. A copy of the school paper was in the gra.s.s a little bit to the side of me. The girl I was with last night had made front page. I fell asleep. I fell asleep with my eyes open of course.

When I woke up again the girl I had met by the statue was there. She was talking to some guy. I was on this gra.s.s next to a big rock and there were these mushrooms near me. I was kinda hungry so I got up and headed to a restaurant. The girl looked at me and smiled to the guy she was talking to and started inching towards me but the guy kept on talking so she couldn't leave.

I wish I had a Discman or something. I mean I wanted to listen to music. I have one back in my room but the rechargeable batteries won't charge anymore so I can't use it. I think maybe they're contaminated because there's this rust spot on the outside of them.

The restaurant I ended up at was kind of like a cafeteria cuz you got a red tray and had to stay on line and picked what food you wanted from behind a Plexiglas screen. I think I got chili and a biscuit and some root beer. They put the chili in a porcelain bowl and the root beer in a plastic cup.

I sat down at a table. It was round. My mind was wandering like usual and I kept gnawing at my nails when I should have just been eating the chili.

I was thinking maybe I should try to kill myself. I told you of how I used to try when I was depressed as a kid but back then it was really just to get attention. This time I was thinking of it logical. The prime calculation was leading to it. And then something strange happened. I ingested a spoonful of the chili and then looked around at the people sitting near me and wondered what it would be like to get up and start shooting at people. I wondered if people would run out or just stand there like they say deer do in front of big Mack trucks. I wondered how many I could get before someone shot me. I know it's out of character and out of character material doesn't make for good writing but that's what ended up running through my head. I took another portion of chili. I was thinking about how I always have ideas for coding the next killer app or the next great American novel or the next snazzy mousetrap but I never get around to doing it. There was a big difference between thinking something and doing something. To do something you have to do it I got up and left the restaurant without finis.h.i.+ng my food. I left the tray on top of the table and on the way out this guy in an ap.r.o.n with a red baseball cap and starched collared uniform yelled at me for it. He said something like, 'what you be doing boy, put that tray away'.

I think then I decided to go through with this shooting people thing and buy a gun. Like I had motivation and stuff which was weird cuz lately I can't even motivate myself to play video games.

I walked down the street and went into the subway to go downtown so I could find a gun shop. I was thinking about whom I was going to kill, whether I should either shoot randomly or go after someone famous. Like the Beatles. But people are already after them, McCartney at least. Maybe I should kill Ringo; he always was my favorite. I remember in a Hard Day's Night he went to a reservoir or something and talked to a kid with one of those weird British hats. Ringo had a funny nose.

On the subway ride there this girl was sitting across from me. I didn't know how old she was but I thought maybe kindergarten or something. She was sitting in her mom's lap with this blue plaid dress on and stockings and shoes and she smiled at me. Then my nose felt itchy so I rubbed my finger against it and saw that she did the same thing. Then she laughed and her mom looked at her and then at me. I rubbed my eye with my finger and then she did the same and smiled and waited for me to do something else. Her mom didn't smile at me though. I think maybe she thought I was trying to abduct her kid or something. The girl had one arm wrapped around her mom and I thought I could outsmart her by using both hands to do something so she wouldn't be able to mimic it. So I rubbed both eyes with both index fingers. But she outsmarted me instead by using her forearm to rub both eyes at the same time. And then she started initiating (ping) and stuck her tongue out at me and put her hands on the side of her head like extended ears. I stuck my tongue out too in public but I didn't do the ear thing. Then her mom took her off the train on the next station. I got off on the stop after theirs.

On the surface I ended up on a busy street and started walking towards the center of the city. After a while I found a store and it was called Billy's Gun Shop. It had lots of guns in the window and a red neon sign that said 'GUN'. I wanted a shotgun. There was this balding guy in there behind a counter with his hair combed back tight against his scalp in a ponytail. He was locking a gla.s.s cabinet that contained a couple crossbows with one of those circle-type kind of keys. "What can I do for you?"

"I'd like to buy a shotgun."

"Ok." He looked at me and put his hand on the counter between us. I noticed this clock behind him with roman numerals and a pendulum and a door for a cuckoo or something. (alien) "Do you have anything in particular in mind?"

"I wanna kill people with it." He looked at me kinda funny. I remember thinking that was the wrong thing to say so I smiled and said, "I'm kidding. I wanna get one as a present for my boss. I don't know much about guns though."

He didn't smile back. I remembered that in Pinky and the Brain Brain would always say that he's a lab mouse trying to take over the world and people would just laugh at him and think it was just a joke. "Really?"

I tried not to look at him and my eyes wandered around the shop. I wanted a shotgun but I said that already. I think by now I was back to normal and not acting mental like before but I was already in the gun shop asking about a gun. "Ya, it's his birthday. He's gonna be 50."

"Hmm..." He voice relaxed a little. "So what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a stock a.n.a.lyst. Investment banking stuff, ya know?" What I mean is that usually when I'm in a store buying clothes or something and the shop a.s.sistant walks up to me and starts giving me advice on stuff I always end up buying something without really wanting to. There's a kind of threshold here that was pa.s.sed.

"Interesting." He opened one of the counter cases with his left hand using a long key that was notched on both sides. "This is a real nice one. Real wood too."

I looked at it. It was black and had a wooden thing you pull back on. I was annoyed he used 'real' twice in a row. "Ya, it's pretty good, but is it powerful? My boss goes hunting a lot. I think he goes after deer and stuff."

The guy looked at me funny. I was thinking maybe I said something wrong and you're not supposed to go after deer with shotguns or something. But I already told him I don't know anything about guns so I wasn't too worried. "Ok, how about this one?"

He showed me another one. It looked bigger. I think it was the barrel that was bigger. I lifted it and it was kinda heavy. "Uh... How much?"

"Nine hundred." I don't remember if that's what he actually said or not but its my story so I can say whatever I want. I mean it's not all that important anyway.

"That's a little too much. Can I get the other one?" I wasn't sure how much room I had left on my credit card and I didn't have any of Pedro's money left. The clock behind the counter chimed but nothing came out of the cuckoo door. I think it was like 5 or something.

"Sure. It comes with a carrying case and a pack of sh.e.l.ls." He asked for my ID and my name and my current address. I told him and then I think he checked my record for crimes or parking violations or something on a computer screen. "Ok, everything looks good."

He zippered up the gun in a case and put a box of sh.e.l.ls on the counter. When I gave him my credit card I was already wondering if there was some way to return the gun. After he swiped the card I signed the receipt and gave it back to him. Then I said, "Thanks."

"Sure. Come back anytime." I think now you can't do that anymore; they make you wait a couple of days. But this was a while ago. He handed me the case and the box.

I walked out the door and was on the street again.

I had the gun in its case in my hand. I was carrying it. I was thinking of how stupid I was to buy it. I figured maybe I could stick it in my closet next to my dress shoes or something. I wanted to stop doing dumb things. I felt like... I felt like this one time I was talking with this Vietnamese kid and he was saying how his country was attacked by the French and the Americans and how his people fought for their homeland and I just kinda stood their quiet distracted by his pride when I should have said something like, 'What do you mean your country? Where are you living now? What color is your money? You're an American pig like everyone else here.' If I just thought correctly the first time I'd be ok. But I guess everyone feels that way at times.

I headed back to my apartment. I took the subway again and nothing really interesting happened but at least I didn't know that nothing would happen. Actually there was this poster that was kinda strange. It looked that Pica.s.so self-portrait with the beard except he had horns like a goat or something. I think it was an advertis.e.m.e.nt for one of those 70's disco compilations. There was an acronym on it but I forget what. I'm pretty sure it wasn't Pedro's KCFU thing for all of you that are trying to read into everything I say. That reminds me, on the way back I was wearing these sandals called BATA's which in Singapore-speak stands for Buy And Throw Away. They're only sold in Asia though. Here they're under a different brand name I think. I remember hearing once that the CEO had a corporate jet. I was wearing them on the way to the gun shop as well.

After I got out of the subway terminal I saw this girl get out of a bimmer. She had on this tight white top with her arms showing and this short silver miniskirt that flashed in the sun as her legs s.h.i.+fted across the street from me. Sometimes when you see something beautiful you just melt and wanna crawl under a rock because it's like G.o.d but I didn't feel that way when I saw her. I didn't wanna crawl under a rock; I wanted to crawl under her.

Rewind

I don't remember what happened next but later I was with that met at the copper stature girl in this lounge playing pool. I didn't have the gun anymore though. There was a lamp over the table. She was bent over the table. I was feeling kinda funny. Maybe I was drunk or something. There was a speaker somewhere playing 80's hair-band music and I had a cue in my hand and she was across the table from me looking at me with a baseball cap and hair straight down past her shoulders. I said, "Hey baby, are you goin my way?"

"That depends." She gave me this smile. It was red. The lamp I mean. The lamp had red stained gla.s.s. It had this handmade kind of look cuz the gla.s.s was thicker and darker in some spots. "Where are you going to take me?"

"Come over here and I'll tell you." I hit the white ball. It banked the side and hit the two ball and then the two ball went into one of the side pockets. I guess I was shooting pretty good. I mean well. I think maybe two b.a.l.l.s are blue but I'd have to look that up to be sure. She walked over to me, her clothes pretty tight with denim shorts and white T-s.h.i.+rt. There was a couple behind us on a couch and I could hear smacking and sucking noises from them between the 80's hair band songs from the speaker. "Closer."

"How's this?" She was whispering in my ear. Her hands were on me. They were...I don't know where they were. I felt the red and I think the lantern was making me sweat. I kept on wanting to doze off so I'm pretty sure I was drunk. "Where baby, where?"

I smashed her face with the pool stick.

I remember seeing the stick hit her jaw but I didn't hear anything. Sometimes funny stuff like that happens. Not hearing but seeing I mean. Her hands went up and around her face. Her jaw was red and she pulled away from me and the pool stick stayed in my hand.

She didn't say anything. She didn't look at me either. I put the pool stick down on the table and stepped towards her. She was docile and didn't step away. I kissed her on the forehead with I think Bonjovi in the background. Bonjovi's from New Jersey along with Bruce Springsteen and me.

I went back to my dorm and went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror for a long time. My sideburns needed tr.i.m.m.i.n.g. There was a bit of caked blood on my face stuck where wrinkles formed lines. I guess it got on me when I kissed her. The lines they made me think about those canyons on Mars that water once kept alive but were beautiful in death. Beautiful in death. Like residual still existed.

I don't know; my mind just wanders when I stare at a mirror. I guess it's normal.

I felt like society was getting me down. This female s.e.x expectation thing. Maybe I'm just silly. I remember when I was a kid I used to watch this cartoon that had this kid in it whose head was shaped like a pot. A teapot I mean. And he was in love with this girl that was drawn as a stick figure with like four strands of hair. Whenever she would say hi to him he'd get excited and his teapot head would explode and all his friends would come and get tea from his spout/nose/mouth appendage. I was so happy for him.

But now if I'd watch it again it would probably just be some of kind of phallic thing to me.

Society is one thing I can't run away from... no matter where I went I'd still be in some city or state or country or something. I wish we had colonized the moon but I guess it would just be the same there too.

Went to a restaurant, ate some noodles, served plain tea with noodles, the tea was hot.

entropy dying down... etc.

Later I was walking back from where all the food trucks were on campus. They're not there anymore because of the law changes but I guess some people still remember them. I was watching the brick patterns on the sidewalk under my Converses. Some of them were shaped in L's that looked like: _ _ _.

_ _ _ .

_ _ _ .

and had gray tiles placed within the designs.

00100100.

01001001.

10010010 -> 24,49,92,24,49,92 -> mov al,24; 00100100 rol al,1; 01001001 jmp -1; 10010010.

But that didn't work. The full pattern wouldn't work with 8-bits. And I couldn't add another bit to the pattern size because the integer size was 8. I remember thinking that nothing would work because the pattern was base 3 but I wasn't sure cuz maybe you can use base 6 or something. I was trying to figure out a way to use carry out to handle the 9th bit but I thought heard someone calling my name and that distracted me again.

Next I remember looking at my reflection in a window. I was inside I guess a coffee shop with a short iced something. Actually I'm not sure if it was next anymore. I mean I may have looked at my reflection in a window next but I'm not sure if the coffee shop thing came after the tile thing. It's kinda like when you have a dream that you think built upon something you did in another dream but your not sure if the other dream happened the same night or some other time in your past. That's what my memory gets like sometimes. Maybe I'm dumb or mentally disabled or something.

Anyway I was looking at myself in the mirror and I saw my hair was thinning. I've had dreams about thinning hair before. I remember one time picturing myself as this grotesque Garbage Pail Kid with a bloated pink head. I had these tufts of hair that sprung out in patches between the wrinkles in my scalp. I would snarl and you could see that there was no lack of nose hair. But it was only a dream I think.

There were three girls to my left sitting next to each other. Sometimes they would laugh but when they did they held their hands up in front of their mouths as if trying to keep the emotion in. And then to my right these two guys in black suits with blue s.h.i.+rts and silver ties smoking filtered Lucky Strikes. After a while the girls held up a camera and asked the guys next to me to take a picture and skipped me over. Made me sad like doves.

Outside the window I remember seeing a girl in a warm gray car pull up in front of the coffee shop. (kissaten no mae wo tsuuka site ta) She was looking backwards I think maybe trying to make a U-turn. I had this picture in my head of her feet on the pedals. The floor had this rug with a square opening where the gas and brake stuck out. The pedals were just metal plates held up with a rod out of the ground. And I remember seeing stockings. She had these blue steel heels on and would press down on the brake with only the front tip of her foot. Then she would switch and shuffle and the other foot would be down on the other pedal. But when you slowed it down there was a moment when everything was in the air. Like she could be going from break to gas or from gas to break or from break to break or from break to gas to gas to break to gas but you didn't know until later. Or you would at least be able to guess if you knew before. But the car door prevented me from seeing anything really so I guess you could say that was a dream too.

The important thing maybe is that she finally did make a U-turn and when she did it her signal was blinking left when it should have been blinking right.

I saw the guy in the red cap again. I mean not again. I haven't told you about that yet. That's why I think this maybe out of order. But I tried to switch it around before and things were even worse. Like non-linear plot and stuff. I mean, cause and effect. I mean... I don't know. Maybe I'm just dumb. I'll tell you later how it could have been and you can decide. He had this silver bag on his shoulder. The guy in the red cap I mean. The red-capped guy had a silver bag on his shoulder. Maybe I should have made that another paragraph. Thinking is so hard sometimes.

The bag was plastic. No. What I mean is that bag was metallic like it s.h.i.+mmered silver and not just absorbed !silver. He was tall and stiff and had black collared s.h.i.+rt on. It was collared like a uniform. Anyway he walked slow and didn't look to his sides much as he shuffled down the street. I remember he was tall. Although he couldn't have seemed very tall on the street from the second floor of a coffee shop I remember him being tall.

Maybe I should have changed the order after all. (yappari ne) He got to an intersection and turned away from me and I couldn't see him anymore. And the car that the girl was in was vacant with its hazards on.

My bag started ringing. I mean, I heard this ringing and looked under my table and saw my pink bag and opened it and found a phone. I pulled the antenna and pressed a b.u.t.ton with a picture of a green landline phone off the hook. I said 'h.e.l.lo?' with a question mark.

"?!<>;'[}{] )&^$%#@-+-_=:",/~`" I mean there was static on the phone.