The Hotel New Hampshire Part 43

Verkauft's mei G'wand, I Fahr in Himmel. Verkauft's mei G'wand, I Fahr in Himmel.

Sell my old clothes, I'm off to heaven.

When Susie the bear took her friends back to the Village, Frank and Franny and Lilly and I called up good old room service and ordered the champagne. As we tasted the very slight sweetness of our revenge on Chipper Dove, our childhood appeared like a clear lake - behind us. We felt we were free of sorrow. But one of us must have been singing that song, even then. One of us was secretly humming the tune.

LIFE IS SERIOUS BUT ART IS FUN!.

The King of Mice was dead, but - for one of us - the King of Mice was not forgotten.

I am not a poet. I was not even the writer in our family. Donald Justice would become Lilly's literary hero: he replaced even that marvelous ending of The Great Gatsby The Great Gatsby, which Lilly read to us too often. Donald Justice has most eloquently posed the question that flies to the heart of my hotel-living family. As Mr. Justice asks, How shall I speak of doom, and ours in special, How shall I speak of doom, and ours in special, But as of something altogether common?

Add doom to the list, then. Especially in families, doom is 'altogether common.' Sorrow floats; love, too; and - in the long run - doom. It floats, too.

12

The King of Mice Syndrome; the Last Hotel New Hamps.h.i.+re .

Here is the epilogue; there always is one. In a world where love and sorrow float, there are many epilogues - and some of them go on and on. in a world where doom always muscles in, some of the epilogues are short.

'A dream is a disguised disguised fulfillment of a fulfillment of a suppressed suppressed wish,' Father announced to us over Easter dinner at Frank's apartment in New York - Easter, 1965. wish,' Father announced to us over Easter dinner at Frank's apartment in New York - Easter, 1965.

'You're quoting Freud again, Pop,' Lilly told him.

'Which Freud?' Franny asked, by rote.

'Sigmund,' Frank answered. 'From Chapter Four of The Interpretation of Dreams The Interpretation of Dreams.'

I should have known the source, too, because Frank and I were taking turns reading to Father in the evening. Father had asked us to read all of Freud to him.

'So what did you dream about, Pop?' Franny asked him.

'The Arbuthnot-by-the-Sea,' Father said. His Seeing Eye dog spent every mealtime with her head in Father's lap; every time Father reached for his napkin, he would deposit a morsel into the dog's waiting mouth and the dog would raise her head - momentarily - allowing Father access to his napkin.

'You should not not feed her at the table,' Lilly scolded Father, but we all liked the dog. She was a German shepherd with a particularly rich golden-brown color that liberally interrupted the black all over her body and dominated the tone of her gentle face; she was particularly long-faced and high-cheek-boned, so that her appearance was nothing like a Labrador retriever's. Father had wanted to call her Freud, but we thought there was enough confusion among us concerning feed her at the table,' Lilly scolded Father, but we all liked the dog. She was a German shepherd with a particularly rich golden-brown color that liberally interrupted the black all over her body and dominated the tone of her gentle face; she was particularly long-faced and high-cheek-boned, so that her appearance was nothing like a Labrador retriever's. Father had wanted to call her Freud, but we thought there was enough confusion among us concerning which which Freud was meant - by this remark or that. A Freud was meant - by this remark or that. A third third Freud, we convinced Father, would have driven everyone crazy. Freud, we convinced Father, would have driven everyone crazy.

Lilly suggested we call the dog Jung.

'What? That traitor! That anti-Semite!' Frank protested. 'Whoever heard of naming a female female after after Jung Jung?' Frank asked. 'That's something only Jung Jung would have thought of,' he said, fuming. would have thought of,' he said, fuming.

Lilly then suggested we call the dog Stanhope, because of Lilly's fondness for the fourteenth floor; Father liked the idea of naming his first Seeing Eye dog after a hotel, but he said he preferred naming the dog after a hotel he really liked. We all agreed, then, that the dog would be called 'Sacher.' Frau Sacher, after all, had been a woman.

Sacher's only bad habit was putting her head in Father's lap every time Father sat down to eat anything, but Father encouraged this - so it was really Father's bad habit. Sacher was otherwise a model Seeing Eye dog. She did not attack other animals, thus dragging my father wildly out of control after her; she was especially smart about the habits of elevators - blocking the door from reclosing with her body until my father had entered or exited. Sacher barked at the doorman at the St. Moritz but was otherwise friendly, if a trifle aloof, with Father's fellow pedestrians. These were the days before you had to clean up after your dog in New York City, so Father was spared that humiliating task - which would have been almost impossible for him, he realized. In fact, Father feared the pa.s.sing of such a law years before anyone was talking about it. 'I mean,' he'd say, 'if Sacher s.h.i.+ts in the middle of Central Park South, how am I supposed to find find the c.r.a.p? It's bad enough to have to pick up dog s.h.i.+t, but if you can't the c.r.a.p? It's bad enough to have to pick up dog s.h.i.+t, but if you can't see see it, it's positively arduous. I won't do it!' he would shout. 'If some self-righteous citizen even it, it's positively arduous. I won't do it!' he would shout. 'If some self-righteous citizen even tries tries to speak to me, even to speak to me, even suggests suggests that I am responsible for my dog's messes, I think I'll use the baseball bat!' But Father was safe - for a while. We wouldn't be living in New York by the time they pa.s.sed the dog s.h.i.+t law. As the weather got nice, Sacher and my father would walk, unaccompanied, between the Stanhope and Central Park South, and my father felt free to be blind to Sacher's s.h.i.+tting. that I am responsible for my dog's messes, I think I'll use the baseball bat!' But Father was safe - for a while. We wouldn't be living in New York by the time they pa.s.sed the dog s.h.i.+t law. As the weather got nice, Sacher and my father would walk, unaccompanied, between the Stanhope and Central Park South, and my father felt free to be blind to Sacher's s.h.i.+tting.

At Frank's, the dog slept on the rug between Father's bed and mine, and I sometimes wondered, in my sleep, if it was Sacher I heard dreaming, or Father.

'So you dreamed about the Arbuthnot-by-the-Sea,' Franny said to Father. 'So what else is new?'

'No,' Father said. 'It wasn't one of the old old dreams. I mean, your mother wasn't there. We weren't dreams. I mean, your mother wasn't there. We weren't young young again, or anything like that.' again, or anything like that.'

'No man in a white dinner jacket, Daddy?' Lilly asked him.

'No, no,' Father said. 'I was old. In the dream I was even older than I am now,' he said; he was forty-five. 'In the dream,' Father said, 'I was just walking along the beach with Sacher; we were just taking a stroll over the grounds - around the hotel,' he said.

'All around the ruins ruins, you mean,' Franny said.

'Well,' Father said, slyly, 'of course I couldn't actually see see if the Arbuthnot was still a ruin, but I had the feeling it was if the Arbuthnot was still a ruin, but I had the feeling it was restored restored - I had the feeling it was all fixed up,' Father said, shoveling food off his plate and into his lap - and into Sacher. 'It was a brand-new hotel,' Father said, impishly. - I had the feeling it was all fixed up,' Father said, shoveling food off his plate and into his lap - and into Sacher. 'It was a brand-new hotel,' Father said, impishly.

'And you owned owned it, I'll bet,' Lilly said to him. it, I'll bet,' Lilly said to him.

'You did did say I could do say I could do anything anything, didn't you, Frank?' Father asked.

'In the dream you owned owned the Arbuthnot-by-the-Sea?' Frank asked him. 'And it was all fixed up?' the Arbuthnot-by-the-Sea?' Frank asked him. 'And it was all fixed up?'

'Open for business as usual, Pop?' Franny asked him.

'Business as usual,' Father said, nodding; Sacher nodded, too.

'Is that that what you want to do?' I asked Father. 'You want to own the Arbuthnot-by-the-Sea?' what you want to do?' I asked Father. 'You want to own the Arbuthnot-by-the-Sea?'

'Well,' Father said. 'Of course we'd have to change the name.'

'Of course,' Franny said.

'The third third Hotel New Hamps.h.i.+re!' Frank cried. 'Lilly!' he shouted. 'Just think of it! Hotel New Hamps.h.i.+re!' Frank cried. 'Lilly!' he shouted. 'Just think of it! Another Another TV series!' TV series!'

'I haven't really been working on the first series,' Lilly said, worriedly.

Franny knelt beside Father; she put her hand on his knee; Sacher licked Franny's fingers. 'You want to do it again again?' Franny asked Father. 'You want to start all over again? You understand that you don't have have to.' to.'

'But what else else would I do, Franny?' he asked her, smiling. 'It's the would I do, Franny?' he asked her, smiling. 'It's the last last one - I promise you,' he said, addressing all of us. 'If I can't make the Arbuthnot-by-the-Sea into something special, then I'll throw in the towel.' one - I promise you,' he said, addressing all of us. 'If I can't make the Arbuthnot-by-the-Sea into something special, then I'll throw in the towel.'

Franny looked at Frank and shrugged; I shrugged, too, and Lilly just rolled her eyes. Frank said, 'Well, I guess it's simple enough to inquire what it costs, and who owns it.'

'I don't want to see him - if he he still owns it,' Father said. 'I don't want to see the b.a.s.t.a.r.d.' Father was always pointing out to us the things he didn't want to 'see,' and we were usually restrained enough to resist pointing out to him that he couldn't 'see' anything. still owns it,' Father said. 'I don't want to see the b.a.s.t.a.r.d.' Father was always pointing out to us the things he didn't want to 'see,' and we were usually restrained enough to resist pointing out to him that he couldn't 'see' anything.

Franny said she didn't want to see the man in the white dinner jacket, either, and Lilly said she saw him all the time - in her sleep; Lilly said she was tired of seeing him.

It would be Frank and I who would rent a car and drive all the way to Maine; Frank would teach me how to drive along the way. We would see the ruin that was the Arbuthnot-by-the-Sea again. We would note that ruins don't change a lot: what capacity for change is in a ruin has usually been. exhausted in the considerable process of change undergone in order for the ruin to become become a ruin. Once becoming a ruin, a ruin stays pretty much the same. We noted some more vandalism, but it's not much fun vandalizing a ruin, we supposed, and so the whole place looked almost exactly as it had looked to us in the fall of 1946 when we had all come to the Arbuthnot-by-the-Sea to watch Earl die. a ruin. Once becoming a ruin, a ruin stays pretty much the same. We noted some more vandalism, but it's not much fun vandalizing a ruin, we supposed, and so the whole place looked almost exactly as it had looked to us in the fall of 1946 when we had all come to the Arbuthnot-by-the-Sea to watch Earl die.

We had no trouble recognizing the dock where old State o' Maine was shot, although that dock - and the surrounding docks - had been rebuilt, and there were a lot of new boats in the water. The Arbuthnot-by-the-Sea looked like a small ghost town, but what had once been a quaint fis.h.i.+ng and lobstering village - alongside the hotel grounds - was now a scruffy little tourist town. There was a marina where you could rent boats and buy clam worms, and there was a rocky public beach within sight of the private beach belonging to the Arbuthnot-by-the-Sea. Since no one was around to care, the 'private' beach was hardly private anymore. Two families were having a picnic there when Frank and I visited the place; one of the families had arrived by boat, but the other family had driven right down to the beach in their car. They'd driven up the same 'private' driveway that Frank and I had driven up, past the faded sign that still said: CLOSED FOR THE SEASON!

The chain that once had blocked that driveway had long ago been torn down and dragged away.

'It would cost a fortune to even make the place habitable,' Frank said.

'Provided they even want to sell it,' I said.

'Who in G.o.d's name would want to keep keep it?' Frank asked. it?' Frank asked.

It was at the realty office in Bath, Maine, that Frank and I found out that the man in the white dinner jacket still owned the Arbuthnot-by-the-Sea - and he was still alive.

'You want to buy old Arbuthnot's place!' the shocked realtor asked.

We were delighted to learn that there was an 'old Arbuthnot.'

'I only hear from his lawyers,' the realtor said. 'They've been trying to unload the place, for years. Old Arbuthnot lives in California,' the realtor told us, 'but he's got lawyers all over the country. The one I deal with most of the time is in New York.'

We thought, then, that it would simply be a matter of letting the New York lawyer know that we wanted it, but - back in New York - Arbuthnot's lawyer told us that Arbuthnot wanted to see us.

'We'll have to go to California,' Frank said. 'Old Arbuthnot sounds as senile as one of the Hapsburgs, but he won't sell the place unless he gets to meet meet us.' us.'

'Jesus G.o.d,' Franny said. 'That's an expensive trip to make just to meet someone!'

Frank informed her that Arbuthnot was paying our way.

'He probably wants to laugh in your faces,' Franny told us.

'He probably wants to meet someone who's crazier than he he is,' Lilly said. is,' Lilly said.

'I can't believe I'm so lucky!' Father cried. 'To imagine that it's still available!' Frank and I saw no reason to describe the ruins - and the seedy new tourism surrounding his cherished Arbuthnot-by-the-Sea.

'He won't see see any of it, anyway,' Frank whispered. any of it, anyway,' Frank whispered.

And I am glad that Father never got the chance to see old Arbuthnot, a terminal resident of the Beverly Hills Hotel. When Frank and I arrived at the Los Angeles airport, we rented our second car of that week and drove ourselves to meet the aged Arbuthnot.

In a suite with its own palm garden, we found the old man with an attending nurse, an attending lawyer (this one was a California lawyer), and what would prove to be a fatal case of emphysema. He sat propped up in a fancy hospital bed - he sat breathing very carefully alongside a row of air-conditioners.

'I like L.A.,' Arbuthnot gasped. 'Not so many Jews here as there are in New York. Or else I've finally gotten immune immune to Jews,' he added. Then he was flung off at a sharp angle on his hospital bed by a cough that seemed to attack him by surprise (and from the side); he sounded as if he were choking on a whole turkey leg - it seemed impossible he would recover, it seemed his persistent anti-Semitism would finally be the death of him (I'm sure that would have made Freud happy), but just as suddenly as the attack had seized him, the attack left him and he was calm. His nurse plumped up his pillows for him; his lawyer placed some important-looking doc.u.ments upon the old man's chest and produced a pen for old Arbuthnot to hold in his trembling hand. to Jews,' he added. Then he was flung off at a sharp angle on his hospital bed by a cough that seemed to attack him by surprise (and from the side); he sounded as if he were choking on a whole turkey leg - it seemed impossible he would recover, it seemed his persistent anti-Semitism would finally be the death of him (I'm sure that would have made Freud happy), but just as suddenly as the attack had seized him, the attack left him and he was calm. His nurse plumped up his pillows for him; his lawyer placed some important-looking doc.u.ments upon the old man's chest and produced a pen for old Arbuthnot to hold in his trembling hand.

'I'm dying,' Arbuthnot said to Frank and me, as if this hadn't been obvious from our first glimpse of him. He wore white silk pajamas; he looked about one hundred years old; he couldn't have weighed more than fifty pounds.

'They say they're not Jews,' the lawyer told Arbuthnot, indicating Frank and me.

'Is that that why you wanted to meet us?' Frank asked the old man. 'You could have found that out over the phone.' why you wanted to meet us?' Frank asked the old man. 'You could have found that out over the phone.'

'I may be dying,' he said, 'but I'm not selling out to the Jews.'

'My father,' I told Arbuthnot, 'was a dear friend of Freud.'

'Not the the Freud,' Frank said to Arbuthnot, but the old man had begun coughing again and he didn't hear what Frank had to say. Freud,' Frank said to Arbuthnot, but the old man had begun coughing again and he didn't hear what Frank had to say.

'Freud?' Arbuthnot said, hacking and spewing. 'I knew a Freud, too! He was a Jewish animal trainer. The Jews aren't good with animals, though,' Arbuthnot confided to us. 'Animals can tell, you know,' he said. 'They can always sense anything funny about you,' he said. 'This Freud knew a Freud, too! He was a Jewish animal trainer. The Jews aren't good with animals, though,' Arbuthnot confided to us. 'Animals can tell, you know,' he said. 'They can always sense anything funny about you,' he said. 'This Freud I I knew was a dumb Jewish animal trainer. He tried to train a bear, but the bear ate him!' Arbuthnot howled with delight - which brought on more coughing. knew was a dumb Jewish animal trainer. He tried to train a bear, but the bear ate him!' Arbuthnot howled with delight - which brought on more coughing.

'A sort of anti-Semitic bear?' Frank asked, and Arbuthnot laughed so hard I thought his subsequent coughing would kill him.

'I was trying trying to kill him,' Frank said later. to kill him,' Frank said later.

'You must be crazy to want that place,' Arbuthnot told us. 'I mean, don't you know where Maine Maine is? It's nowhere! There's no decent train service, and there's no decent flying service. It's a terrible place to drive to - it's too far from is? It's nowhere! There's no decent train service, and there's no decent flying service. It's a terrible place to drive to - it's too far from both both New York and Boston - and when you New York and Boston - and when you do do get there, the water's too cold and the bugs can bleed you to death in an hour. None of the really get there, the water's too cold and the bugs can bleed you to death in an hour. None of the really cla.s.s cla.s.s sailors sail there anymore - I mean the sailors with money,' he said. 'If you have a little money,' Arbuthnot said, 'there's absolutely nothing to spend it on in Maine! They don't even have sailors sail there anymore - I mean the sailors with money,' he said. 'If you have a little money,' Arbuthnot said, 'there's absolutely nothing to spend it on in Maine! They don't even have wh.o.r.es wh.o.r.es there.' there.'

'We like it anyway,' Frank told him.

'They're not Jews, are they?' Arbuthnot asked his lawyer.

'No,' the lawyer said.

'It's hard to tell, looking at them,' Arbuthnot said. 'I used to be able to spot a Jew at first glance,' he explained to us. 'But I'm dying now,' he added.

'Too bad,' Frank said.

'Freud wasn't wasn't eaten by a bear,' I told Arbuthnot. eaten by a bear,' I told Arbuthnot.

'The Freud I I knew was eaten by a bear,' Arbuthnot said. knew was eaten by a bear,' Arbuthnot said.

'No,' said Frank, 'the Freud you knew was a hero hero.'

'Not the Freud I knew,' old Arbuthnot argued, petulantly. His nurse caught some spittle dribbling off his chin and wiped him as absentmindedly as she might have dusted a table.

'The Freud we both both know,' I said, 'saved the Vienna State Opera.' know,' I said, 'saved the Vienna State Opera.'

'Vienna!' Arbuthnot cried. 'Vienna is full of Jews!' he yelled.

'There's more of them in Maine than there used to be,' Frank teased him.

'In L.A., too,' I said.

'I'm dying, anyway,' Arbuthnot said. 'Thank G.o.d.' He signed the doc.u.ments on his chest and his lawyer handed them over to us. And that was how, in 1965, Frank bought the Arbuthnot-by-the-Sea and twenty-five acres on the coast of Maine. 'For a song,' as Franny would say.

An almost sky-blue mole was sprouting on old Arbuthnot's face and both his ears were painted a vivid purple with gentian violet, an old-fas.h.i.+oned fungicide. It was as if a giant fungus were consuming Arbuthnot from the inside out. 'Wait a minute,' he said, as we were leaving - his chest made a watery echo of his words. His nurse plumped up his pillows again; his lawyer snapped a briefcase shut; the cold of the room, from all the purring air-conditioners, made the place feel, to Frank and me, like the tomb - the Kaisergruft Kaisergruft - for the heartless Hapsburgs in Vienna. 'What are your plans?' Arbuthnot asked us. 'What in h.e.l.l are you going to - for the heartless Hapsburgs in Vienna. 'What are your plans?' Arbuthnot asked us. 'What in h.e.l.l are you going to do do with that place?' with that place?'

'It's going to be a Special Commando Training Camp,' Frank told old Arbuthnot. 'For the Israeli Army.'

I saw Arbuthnot's lawyer crack a smile; it was the special sort of smile that would make Frank and me later look up the lawyer's name on the doc.u.ments that had been handed over to us. The lawyer's name was Irving Rosenman, and despite the fact that he came from Los Angeles, Frank and I were pretty sure he was Jewish.

Old Arbuthnot didn't crack a smile. 'Israeli commandos?' he said.

'Ratta-tat-tat-tat-tat!' said Frank, imitating a machine gun. We thought that Irving Rosenman was going to throw himself into the air-conditioners to keep himself from laughing.

'The bears will get them,' Arbuthnot said, strangely. 'The bears will get all all the Jews, in the end,' he said - the mindless hatred in his old face was as old-fas.h.i.+oned and as vivid as the gentian violet in his ears. the Jews, in the end,' he said - the mindless hatred in his old face was as old-fas.h.i.+oned and as vivid as the gentian violet in his ears.

'Have a nice death,' Frank told him.

Arbuthnot started coughing; he tried to say something more but he couldn't stop coughing. He motioned the nurse over to him and she seemed to interpret his coughing without very much difficulty; she was used to it; she motioned us out of Arbuthnot's room, then she came outside and told us what Arbuthnot had told her to tell us.

'He said he's going to have the best death money can buy,' she told us, which - Arbuthnot had added - was more than Frank and I were going to get.