The Stone Diaries Part 19

"That old gardening basket of hers. That old mildewed thing with the huge hooped handle?"

"I think I remember. Vaguely. But why?"

"I don't know. Same reason you got the silver asparagus server, I suppose."

"Lordy."

"And you know what Warren got."

"No. What?"

"Her old notes from college. And her essays. All hand-written.

Pages and pages. A big cardboard carton of them."

"She really kind of lost it at the end, didn't she?"

"Maybe just a joke?"

"She wasn't exactly one for jokes."

"I don't know about that."

"Victoria has the lady's-slippers."

"Gawd, what'll she do with those old things?"

"She wanted them. At least she said she did."

"Well everything else is in order. Her a.s.sets, and so on."

"We can thank her accountant for that."

"And her lawyer. Although he seems to have dipped in pretty deep himself."

"What about Canary Palms!"

"Oh boy!"

"I feel guilty even talking about this. Even thinking about it."

"So do I."

"But I suppose everyone feels this way."

"Of course they do."

"So what can we do?"

"Not one little thing."

Seventy-four percent of American households spent at least a thousand dollars to improve or maintain their dwellings this year.

It was on the radio, the news-or else I dreamed it. Tell me, why do I need to know such a thing? Is the mind sweetened by this useless pellet of knowledge? No. Not when you're already at the stuffed, blunted end of life.

Isn't there anything else you can tell me?

The Bridal Lingerie of Daisy Goodwill Hood, 1927 2 three-piece bridal sets of crepe-de-chine and Valenciennes lace with fine hand embroidery and drawn work, sh.e.l.l pink, ivory 12 slips 12 two-piece French sets, chemise and step-ins, peach, cream, blue, tea 6 night gowns 6 negligees, georgette and chantilly lace 2 robes, 1 wool tartan, 1 corded cotton 6 "Flaming Youth" bra.s.sieres "Pansy" bra.s.sieres of silk jersey and mercerized cotton 3 camisoles in pink j.a.p silk 2 Gossard Dancelette girdles of silk jersey with elastic side insets 12 pairs silk stockings 12 pairs cotton stockings 3 beach pajama suits, orange satin, copen blue, ochre 6 kimonos, black, blue, red granite, rose, peach, and mauve 2 Kellerman bathing suits (all wool), black, copen 1 knitted beach cape 1 bathing cap 6 ap.r.o.ns, a.s.sorted styles "I never knew she could embroider."

"This is beautiful."

"Are you sure she did it?"

"There's this tiny little daisy in the right-hand corner."

"You're right, there is."

"A signature, sort of like."

"Hey!"

"The nurses were always saying how good-natured she was, a smile for everyone."

"Except that time she broke her radio. Threw it on the floor."

"It could have been an accident."

"True."

"What I can't figure out is why she never told us about this first marriage of hers."

"She must have known we'd find out after she was gone. I mean, the papers are all there. The marriage license and the report and everything."

"Hoad! His name was Hoad."

"Harold Hoad."

"Rhymes with toad. Give me strength."

"But look at that picture, will you. He was-he looks like a movie star, silent movies I'm talking about. Gorgeous."

"But why weren't we told?"

"Think about it. How could she talk about anything so-so perfectly awful."

"I don't get it. Was she embarra.s.sed about it or what?"

"This beautiful man fell out of a window. Her lover. Her brand new husband. Think if that happened to you. Would you want to talk about it?"

"Probably she was just so, you know, broken up by it, she couldn't bear to think about it, never mind talk about it. Imagine being on your honeymoon and-"

"And at her age."

"Repression. Sometimes repression's a good thing. How else was she going to continue with her-?"

"He looks handsomer than Dad."

"And younger."

"By a long shot."

"Surely Dad must have known about-about him."

"He must have. I mean, she may have been secretive, but-"

"It gives me-"

"What?"

"Goose b.u.mps."

"What does? Thinking of Mr. Hoad falling on his head?"

"No. Thinking of her. Her. All those years."

"All those years-saying nothing."

"She must have been reminded every year, on the anniversary of his-"

"Remember how sometimes she'd just want to lie down on her bed in the middle of the day. Not sleeping, she'd just lie there looking at the ceiling."

"Keeping it all in her head. Remembering."

"I know."

"Oh, G.o.d."

Garden Club Luncheon, 1951 Ham Rolls / Cheese Pinwheels Mixed Pickles Melon b.a.l.l.s and Seedless Grape Salad Jelly Tarts a.s.sorted Cookies Coffee Tea I'm still here, inside the (powdery, splintery) bones, ankles, the sockets of my eyes, shoulder, hip, teeth, I'm still here, oh, oh.

"If she'd lived in another age she might have been Ms. Green Thumb with her own TV show."

"Prime time."

"Somehow I can't imagine it."

"This mean old sentimental century. It smothered her. Like a curtain. The kind you can't see through."

"She could have divorced Dad."

"For starters."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Why would you think that? I mean, the two of them were reasonably happy together, all things considered."

"You honestly think so?"

"Well, as happy as most."

"Whatever happy means."

"Tell me about it."

"All I know is, the past is never past."

"Is that supposed to be profound?"

"Hmmmmm."

Aunt Daisy's Lemon Pudding 4 tbs b.u.t.ter 1 cup milk 1 cup white sugar 2 tbs flour 2 eggs separated juice and rind of 1 lemon Cream b.u.t.ter and sugar, add egg yolks beaten until thick and lemoncolored, stir in flour and milk, lemon juice and grated lemon rind. Beat egg whites until stiff but not dry. Fold egg whites into mixture. Bake twenty-five minutes in b.u.t.tered baking dish set in pan of hot water. 4 tbs b.u.t.ter 1 cup milk 1 cup white sugar 2 tbs flour 2 eggs separated juice and rind of 1 lemon Cream b.u.t.ter and sugar, add egg yolks beaten until thick and lemoncolored, stir in flour and milk, lemon juice and grated lemon rind. Beat egg whites until stiff but not dry. Fold egg whites into mixture. Bake twenty-five minutes in b.u.t.tered baking dish set in pan of hot water.

Moderate oven, 350 degrees.

"Do you think her life would have been different if she'd been a man?"

"Are you kidding!"

"Just look at this bedjacket."

"Looks brand new. Never worn, I'd guess."

For Tuesday-1 can condensed milk 1 bunch celery carrots onions 1 pound b.u.t.ter 1 pound lard matches soap flakes 2 cans corned beef pork chops Phone Mr. M.

new beater for Mixmaster Warren's teeth post office drugstore, cough syrup, Box K juniper Now there's a woman who made a terrific meatloaf, who knew how to repot a drooping rubber plant, who bid a smart no-trump hand, who wore a hat well, who looked after her personal hygiene, who wrote her thank-you notes promptly, who kept up, who went down, went down and down and down, who missed the point, the point of it all, but was, nevertheless, almost unfailingly courteous to others.

"Remember Jay Dudley?"

"Who?"

"You know, that nerd who worked on the Ottawa Recorder. Jay Dudley his name was."

"Oh, sure, I remember. Hand-woven neckties? Ceramic cufflinks?"

"Do you think they ever, the two of them, do you think they ever-got together?"

"Naw."

"Too bad."