A Parody Outline of History Part 12

I am engaged--to a girl back home--here is her picture (he draws a photograph from his inner breast pocket and shows it to the Professor's Son.)

The Professor's Son--She is beautiful, Sir.

The Lieutenant--(Putting the photograph back in his pocket)--Yes very beautiful. And (dropping his eyes)--I love her. If--if I should "go west" I want you to write her and tell her that my last thoughts were of my country and--her. We are to be married--after the war--if (suddenly clearing his throat). Her name is Ellen Radcliff--here, I'll write the address down for you.

He does so, and hands the slip of paper to the Professor's Son, who discreetly turns away.

The Lieutenant--(Brusquely)--That's all, Keating.

A bugle sounds.

The Lieutenant--Attention men! At the next bugle call you go over the top--remember that you are Americans and that Americans know how to fight and die in the cause of liberty and for the freedom of the world.

The Three Soldiers--We are ready to make the supreme sacrifice if need be.

The bugle sounds.

The Lieutenant--(Climbing up the ladder to the top of the trench)--Follow me, men--

The Three Soldiers--(Climbing up after him)--Lafayette--we come, though poppies bloom in Flanders field.

They go "over the top".

SCENE 3

A section of a Hun trench a minute later. Two Hun soldiers are conversing together; another Hun is reading a copy of Nietzsche.

First Hun Soldier--And then we cut the hands off all the little children--oh it was wonderful.

Second Hun Soldier--I wish I had been there.

A Hun Lieutenant rushes in.

The Hun Lieutenant--(Kicking the three men and brandis.h.i.+ng his revolver)--Swine--wake up--here come the Americans.

The three spring to their feet and seize their guns. At the top of the trench appears the American lieutenant, closely followed by the three soldiers.

The American Lieutenant--(Coolly)--We come to avenge the sinking of the Lusitania.

The Hun Lieutenant--Hoch der Kaiser! Might is stronger than right!

He treacherously tries to shoot the American but the Professor's Son disarms him with his bayonet. The three Hun soldiers offer a show of resistance.

The Streetcleaner's Son--(To first Hun soldier)--Your hands are unclean with the murder of innocent women and children.

First Hun Soldier--(Dropping his gun)--Kamerad!

The p.a.w.nbroker's Son--(To the other Hun soldiers)--Prussianism has destroyed the Germany of Bach and Beethoven and you fellows know it, too.

Second and third Hun Soldiers--(Dropping their guns)--Kamerad!

The American Lieutenant--Men--you have kept the faith. I am proud of you. Forward!

An explosion (not too loud to annoy the audience) is heard off stage right.

The Professor's Son--(Sinking to the ground) Fellows, I'm afraid they've got me.

The Streetcleaner's Son--What a shame!

The Lieutenant--Is there anything we can do to ease the pain?

The Professor's Son--(Weakening rapidly) No--go on, boys, carry the--banner of--civilization's ideals--forward--without me--Tell mother I'm glad--I did--my bit--for the freedom--of the world--fellows, the only--thing--I regret--is that I won't--be able to be with you--when you--go back--to enjoy the grat.i.tude--of America--good-bye, fellows, may you drink--to the full--the rewards of a grateful nation.

He dies. The others regretfully leave him behind as they push on after the fleeing Huns.

The stage is slowly darkened--the noise of battle dies away.

Enter an Angel in the uniform of the Y.M.C.A. She goes up to the fallen hero and taking him in her arms tenderly carries him off the stage.

CURTAIN

TWO YEARS Pa.s.s

ACT TWO

(Eugene O'Neill)

SCENE I

The bedroom of a bachelor apartment in New York City in the Fall of 1920.

There is about the room an air of neglect, as though the occupant did not particularly give a d.a.m.n whether he slept in this room or in h.e.l.l.

This is evidenced in a general way by the absence of any attempts at decoration and by the presence of dirty laundry and unopened letters scattered about the room.

The furniture consists of a bed and a bureau; at the foot of the former is a trunk such as was used by American army officers in the recent war.

Although it is three in the morning, the bed is unoccupied. The electric light over the bureau has been left lighted.

The lamp flickers and goes out for a minute; when it again flashes on, the Angel and the Professor's Son are seen standing in the room, as though they had come there directly from the close of the preceding act; the Angel, however, has completely removed all Y.M.C.A. insignia and now has a beard and chews tobacco; from time to time he spits out of the window.

The angel--Why the h.e.l.l weren't you satisfied to stay in heaven?

The Professor's Son--Well, I just wanted to see my old buddies once more--I want to see them enjoying the grat.i.tude of the world.

The Angel--Hmmmm--well, this is where your Lieutenant now lives--and I think I hear him coming.

They step behind a curtain. The noise of a key rattling in a lock is heard, then a light flashes on in the next room. The sound of unsteady footsteps--a vase is knocked over--a curse--then enter the Lieutenant.

He wears a dinner-coat, one sleeve of which hangs empty. His face is white, his eyes set, his mouth hard and hopeless. He is drunk--not hilariously--but with the drunkenness of despair.