Dick Merriwell's Pranks Part 5

"I opine you're right, d.i.c.k," nodded Buckhart. "That's just it. I wouldn't be surprised to see those two onery varmints turn up any time.

Well, they've succeeded in making a lot of fool work for a lot of fool people, and this is the first time we've been touched by it."

Achmet had listened to their words with a manner of mingled interest and doubt. It was plain that he did not understand, and he was on the point of questioning them further when the sudden sound of excited and angry voices reached their ears through the partly open doorway.

"The professor!" cried d.i.c.k. "Something is doing, Brad! Come on!"

"Lay the trail, pard! I'm at your heels!"

They rushed forth and ran toward the point from which came the sound of those voices.

"You're a miserable, crawling worm! You're a whisky-soaked, dried-up, offensive squid! You have annoyed the lady by your obnoxious attentions, and they must cease!"

It was the voice of Zenas.

"Yo', suh, are a long-eared jacka.s.s, suh, and I demand satisfaction fo'

your insults, suh!"

"Major Fitts!" exclaimed d.i.c.k, in dismay.

"Gentlemen, gentlemen!" shrilled another voice. "This is scandalous! You must not quarrel over me! It is shocking to my delicate sensibilities. I cannot permit it!"

"And Sarah Ann, sure as shooting!" cried Brad.

At the head of the stairs were three persons. Zenas Gunn was shaking his fist down at Major Fitts, while the major was shaking his fist up at the professor. Miss Ketchum had her hands clasped in an att.i.tude of despair, while she implored them to desist.

d.i.c.k halted, folding his arms.

"Now what do you think of that?" he muttered, in disgust.

"It certain is some annoying," chuckled Buckhart, pausing with his hands resting on his hips. "Shall we pitch in, pard, and break it up?"

"I'm tempted to let those two old fools have it out," said Merriwell.

"Good idea! Mebbe it will cure them both."

"Take your fist away!" snarled the professor, knocking the hand of the little man aside.

"Don't yo' strike at me, suh!" panted the major, his face red as a boiled lobster, and his gray mustache bristling.

"Strike at you!" retorted Zenas scornfully. "If I ever struck at you, you human wart, there wouldn't be anything left of you but a grease spot!"

"Oh, please, please stop!" sobbed Sarah Ann, trying to get hold of them and force them apart.

"Yo' had better hide behind a lady's petticoat!" raged the man from Mississippi.

"Hide behind nothing!" retorted Gunn, giving Miss Ketchum an embrace and looking over one shoulder, while he reached over her other shoulder to again shake his fist at Fitts. "She is trying to keep me from annihilating you."

Finding herself in the professor's embrace, Miss Ketchum screamed and seemed on the point of fainting.

"Oh, Moses!" laughed Buckhart. "Look at that, pard-just look!"

"I see," said d.i.c.k, also convulsed. "The professor isn't losing the opportunity to hug Sarah Ann, and it makes the major bloodthirsty."

Fitts danced round in an endeavor to get hold of Gunn, but the latter skillfully turned so that he kept Miss Ketchum's limp form between them.

"Unhand that lady!" rasped the man from Mississippi, fairly frothing.

"How dare yo' behave in such a manner!"

"Oh, go back to your kennel!" advised Zenas.

The major caught hold of Sarah Ann and managed to dance round until he could get his hands on the professor.

"Release her!" he commanded.

Miss Ketchum straightened up a little.

"Such a shocking scandal!" she sobbed.

"Yo' have compromised her, suh!" panted Fitts. "Yo' shall pay the penalty with your life, suh!"

"I've stood just as much of this as I can!" grated Zenas. "I'll just throw you downstairs!"

Which he attempted to do, while Sarah Ann again tried to part them. On the top stair both lost their balance. Wildly they grabbed at something as they toppled. The right hand of Zenas caught Miss Ketchum. The left hand of the major closed on her, also. Then all three toppled, a shriek of terror escaped the woman, and down they went.

b.u.mp, b.u.mp, b.u.mp-ety-b.u.mp!

Tangled in a most astonis.h.i.+ng manner, the three seemed to bound like a huge rubber ball from stair to stair. At intervals legs and arms shot out from the ma.s.s and described half circles in the air. The woman continued to scream, the professor yelled, while the major grunted and gasped with every thump. It sounded as if the entire hotel was falling.

"Oh, say, pard, this is awful!" cried Buckhart, rus.h.i.+ng toward the stairs.

"I'm afraid the professor will be somewhat dented," said d.i.c.k, also losing no time.

Thud! cras.h.!.+

The trio landed at the bottom of the stairs.

Sarah Ann struck in a sitting posture, with her skirts outspread. She was minus a wig and a full set of false teeth, and she presented a ludicrous spectacle of wreck and despair. Both men were beneath her, and having landed on them she did not seem to be seriously harmed.

d.i.c.k and Brad bounded down the stairs and reached her.

"Are you hurt, madam?" questioned Merriwell, his natural chivalry causing him to express anxiety for her first.

She spoke, and strange were the mumbling sounds which issued from her toothless mouth. "I've sost my seesh in thish dishgrashful affairsh,"

she answered. "Be sho kindsh to reshtorsh my seesh, pleash."

"Here madam," said d.i.c.k, picking up something, "are part of them."

"And here, madam," said Brad, also picking something up, "are the rest of them."