The Brides of Chance Collection Part 47

He bowed his head. Lord, what of the desires of my heart? Thou knowest it's difficult for me to stand by. Forgive me for my doubts, Jesus. Give me words as Thou wouldst have me use them, and grant me patience to see them come to fruition. Give me strength to trust in Thy will. Amen.

He'd been lost in his own thoughts for so long, Delilah had finished her sketch and was peering at him, looking concerned.

"What's running through that head of yours, Paul?"

"How everything comes down to choices."

"True." She seemed to begin saying something but hesitated.

"I thought we agreed we weren't going to be silent or vague," he gently teased.

"I wanted to say that that's one of the reasons I can't put my trust in your G.o.d." She spoke the words softly, seeming almost ashamed.

"When you give your life to the Lord, Delilah, He doesn't make your choices for you. That's why He gave mankind free will. It's why we have to choose to accept His love in the first place."

"And that's why some people choose to do harm to others?"

"Yes."

"Why would He even allow that to happen, then?" Her frustration showed in the way she clutched her pencil in her fist.

"If He just made us all to love Him immediately, it wouldn't be a choice. It wouldn't mean as much. Love has to be freely given, not forced."

She stayed silent for a while, mulling that over.

"So our choices are to take His love or go to h.e.l.l? Seems to me like He's stacked the deck, Paul. Love Me or else-not much of a choice, is it?"

Oh, Father, how lost Delilah is! Help me to show her the way into Thy arms. She's been hurt and sees things so differently.

"That's not the way to look at it. The truth of the matter is we've all sinned and fallen short of the glory of G.o.d, so we deserve death. G.o.d sent His Son to be the sacrifice so that if we choose to accept the magnitude of His love, we can live with Him forever and share His joy."

"How have you sinned?" She looked at him shrewdly. "You're a good man."

"Every time I think a mean thought about another. Every time I s.h.i.+rked a ch.o.r.e to come to this fis.h.i.+ng hole when I was young. Anytime I said anything less than the honest truth. How we live day to day is filled with small choices. No one chooses the right thing every single time. The Lord doesn't call us to be perfect; He calls us to be the very best we can be. To look at ourselves and admit our faults and to actively try to be better."

"And if you make the wrong choice?"

"You repent, ask for forgiveness, and learn from the mistake."

"So even after you accept Christ, you still mess up and make the wrong choices, and you still go forward?"

"Exactly. Choosing G.o.d isn't a one-time decision. It's a decision we make every time we have a choice. And if we mess up, His grace continues to cover us. He promises to be with us always. G.o.d never turns His back on us-we're the ones who turn our backs on Him."

"It sounds like so much responsibility." She looked as though a heavy weight had settled on her shoulders.

"That's why G.o.d is there to carry us through. You have the a.s.surance to know you never face anything alone. You just have to decide to choose His love and grace over your own independence."

She silently gathered up her supplies, and he followed her to the wagon. Neither of them said a word on the drive home. Paul prayed earnestly the entire way, knowing she battled her thoughts and doubts.

"I can't do it, Paul." She stood in the barn after taking care of Speck. "It is my choice, right? Please don't be too disappointed." Her amber eyes glowed with distress, pleading with him.

"I can't help being disappointed, Delilah." His voice sounded gruff even to his own ears. "I don't want to lose you."

"Listen to me." Her jaw was set. "If you're talking about after we die and all of that, I have to tell you that I've seen death claim a person I loved. Nothing is more final. They've gone and you can't follow them. There's nothing left of who they used to be." Her voice cracked, and he put his arms around her.

"It's not just that, Delilah, although that's very important to me." He took a deep breath and said what had to be said. "The Bible tells us we can't be unequally yoked."

"What does that mean?"

"A believer cannot wed a nonbeliever."

She pulled away from him as though his touch burned her.

"Delilah, please understand what I'm saying."

"Oh, I understand perfectly," she spat bitterly. "I'm not good enough for you the way I am, and your loving G.o.d who allows you any choice you please won't let you accept me." Tears sparkled in her golden eyes as she whirled and fled to her cabin. Even from the barn, he heard the door slam.

Chapter 16.

With a heavy heart, Paul plodded to the kitchen. Lord, why does it have to be this way? This is too hard.

Miriam took one look at his face when he entered the kitchen and shooed him into the parlor and onto the sofa.

"What happened?"

He poured out the entire exchange, desperate for any advice she could give him. When he finished, she asked quietly, "Paul, you put a lot on the table today. Now you've got to give her enough time to take it all in."

"I didn't handle it very well, did I?" He buried his face in his hands.

"You'll have to trust that the Lord knows how best to reach her. You've been seeking His will and asked Him to speak through you. Only He knows what it'll take to break through that wall around her heart. He's been tapping."

Paul let loose a heavy sigh. "It hasn't worked. If you ask me, it's about time He gave it a good knock."

As much as Delilah tried to ignore it, the knocking wouldn't stop. It seemed as though Paul was determined to break down her door.

"I said go away, Paul!" She buried her face back in the pillow to m.u.f.fle her crying.

"It's Miriam, you goose. Now open up this door so we can talk."

Grudgingly, Delilah got up, threw the bolt, and cracked the door open. After peering around to make sure Paul wasn't lurking anywhere nearby, she pulled her cousin inside and locked the door again before sinking back down on the bed.

"If you want to know what happened, you should talk to your brother-in-law." Delilah heard the bitterness spewing from her mouth but couldn't stop it. The pain poured straight from her heart.

"I already did." Miriam sat down beside her, put an arm around her shoulders, and tucked Delilah close.

"So he told you about being *unequally yoked'?" Her voice sounded tiny and far away.

Miriam nodded. "Yes. I knew it would come down to this, though. Chance men don't consider marriage lightly." Her cousin tried to look at the bright side, but Delilah would have none of it.

"He's not thinking about marrying me-he's thinking about not marrying me!" She ended on a wail and cried into Miriam's shoulder.

When the sobs led into a case of distressed hiccups, Miriam spoke again. "You know very well that wasn't what I meant."

"But-hic-it's true-hic-and you know-hic-it!"

"Let me see, now. The man told you he doesn't want to lose you and is disturbed by the thought that he can't marry you. Sounds to me as though he cares for you. Deeply."

Delilah drew a shuddering breath. "I feel the same way about him; that's why it hurts."

"Just so long as you're clear on what he tried to tell you."

"Most of it. I'm just not ready to give my life to G.o.d yet," Delilah bemoaned.

"Let me ask you something." Miriam looked at her intently. "If Paul asked you, would you marry him?"

Delilah took a minute to really think about that. Could she trust him with her life? "Yes."

"But you know he's given his life to G.o.d, right?"

"Um-hm," she mumbled.

"So if you give Paul your hand, you're trusting it to G.o.d in a way, aren't you?"

"I never thought about it that way."

"Well, Paul is a man of the Lord. It's just as much a part of who he is as his brown hair. So at least some part of you already trusts G.o.d." Miriam patted her shoulder one more time and got to her feet. "I'm going to leave you to your thoughts. I already told Paul you'd be needing some time, so take as long as you need."

Miriam kissed Delilah's forehead, gave her one last hug, and toddled out of the room, hand resting fondly on her enlarged tummy.

Delilah did some quick calculations. It would be six weeks before Caleb came into the world. By then, Alisa would be pretty far into her pregnancy.

And where will I be?

"San Francisco?" Paul repeated dumbly, unwilling to believe what Reba told him. He ignored the racket of the guests around the barn to listen closely.

"That's right." The older woman smiled smugly. "I thought it might be good to mention it to you before I pa.s.sed the message along to her. You're sweet on little Delilah, aren't you?" She took his silence for the affirmation she sought. "Have you told her yet?"

Paul grimaced, remembering the week before. He and Delilah had hardly spoken since then, and his nerves were stretched tighter than a rope around a bucking bull's neck. Still, he knew he had to respect the distance she kept. Until she spoke to him, he'd told himself to be content with sitting by her during supper and working himself into exhaustion on the ranch. It was the only way he could sleep these days.

"Botched it that bad, eh?" Reba winced. "Seems to me you'd best mend your fences before she deserts them altogether."

"Your friend and her husband are serious about setting her up in a studio in San Francisco?"

"That's right. They own a gallery back there and think they'd do well to feature Delilah's art. So are you going to go and clear up those muddy waters, or are you going to watch them wash under the bridge and off to San Francisco?"

"In My time." The refrain that had haunted him all week whispered in his ear once again.

But I've waited, Lord. I've tried to be patient! What if she doesn't speak to me before she goes? What if I just asked Reba not to tell her?

" *Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding,' " Polly's tiny voice piped out happily a few yards away.

I get the message, Paul grudgingly conceded.

"Are these people decent folk, Reba? Can we trust them with one of our own?"

"As surely as I stand here today," Reba vowed.

"Then it's up to Delilah." He abruptly turned from Reba and headed for the barn, cutting through the throng of neighbors yacking about anything and everything.

"Psst!"

Delilah looked around to see where the whisper came from. Hezzy gestured wildly from behind the corner of the barn. Obie stuck out his arm, holding a letter clutched in a ma.s.sive fist with a grin beaming from ear to ear.

Delilah set down the empty pitcher and made her way as inconspicuously as possible. It seemed as though the women had written back to their beaus, and judging from those scruffy smiles, the news was good.

"So they wrote back?" she whispered, respecting their obvious wish to keep their neighbors in the dark for now.

"Yep. Looky 'ere, Miz Delilah." Obie thrust the much-creased sheaf into her hands. Delilah smoothed it and read: Dear Mike, You do me great honor in asking me to be your bride. G.o.d rest her soul, your mother knew your devotion each day of her sickness until G.o.d called her home.

In those days, I learned of your tender heart and strong hands. I wanted to help you out in that sad time, and since you left, I've prayed G.o.d would bless you and your brothers. Hearing you are well made my heart leap, and when I read on and saw you were seeking a bride, I knew then and there 'twas every dream I ever had coming true.

Yes. Yes, yes, a million times yes. I'll come to Californy and marry you. I'll work hard by your side, cook your meals, and bear your children.

I talked with Eunice and Lois. They're a-wanting to come along and marry up with your brothers, but their aunt is balking. She reared them from a young age, and she's been carrying on something fierce. My sister went calling on her. You know Lovejoy-she could reason a possum into a pie. It took some doing, but she managed.

You can tell Hezekiah and Obadiah that their intendeds will be coming, too.

None of the three of us has much to call her own, but we'll come with willing hearts and working hands. I'll be like Ruth in the Bible, going to a new place and getting married. I pray G.o.d will bless us as He blessed her and Boaz.

With high hopes and a happy heart, Temperance Spencer "Oh, that's wonderful!" Delilah smiled and hugged each brother in turn.

"Mike's grabbin' Reba so's we cain send the money on the stage tomorra," Obie gushed.

Hezzie hooked his thumbs on his suspenders and all but strutted. "Cain you believe we's gonna get us some brides?"

"I couldn't be happier for you," Delilah a.s.sured them both. "When do you think they'll get here?"

"Near as Mike cain reckon, they'll be here afore winter. We cain't hardly wait." Obie stopped talking as they heard footsteps.

Mike, with Reba in tow, came around the corner. He plunged his hands into his pockets and thrust a fistful of cash at her. "So you'll send it tomorra?"