Business English Part 79

You may know that we always have on hand between two hundred and two hundred and fifty different Variety Store Leaders, affording you a wide selection of high-cla.s.s goods of the finest materials, the neatest workmans.h.i.+p, and the latest styles at very low prices.

After glancing over the catalogue you will agree with us that in every department of our huge business a dollar has full purchasing power.

A unique feature of our business, moreover, is the Co-operative Bureau, which you will find a decided help in building up your business. Each week the Bureau sends out a Bulletin, acquainting our customers with important business events in the larger trade centers, with suggestions for new advertising and selling methods, with notices of new stock additions that make especially good leaders, and with advice how best to display them. The Bureau invites correspondence and sends customers, absolutely free of charge, advice on new store arrangements, window decorations, and advertising plans.

Your first order makes you a co-operating member and ent.i.tles you to all the privileges of the Bureau and the services of an inst.i.tution with wide experience and with a recognized reputation for square-dealing.

Fill out the enclosed order blank, mail it to-day, and receive this week's Bulletin by return mail. It contains several splendid suggestions for novel, inexpensive advertising.

Yours truly,

The letter given above is personal and yet dignified. Usually that is the best style to use, and the one that we wish to practice writing.

Sometimes, however, results can best be obtained by using the colloquial or even jocular tone ill.u.s.trated in the following letter sent to a retailer in Ottumwa, Iowa:

Dear Sir:

We sell cheese, a new brand, the finest kind you ever tasted, put up in the most attractive package, to sell at the most attractive price. Called Par Excellence Creme, wrapped in silver foil with a gold label, it sells for fifteen cents and costs you ten. Ever hear a better proposition?

Better buy now before your rival gets ahead of you.

Everybody's calling for it. Why? Because we're advertising everywhere. It has been out only one month, and yet sales have trebled our highest expectations. Half the sales of a new cheese depend on the package and the price; the other half depend on the quality. All three are right in Par Excellence Creme.

Mr. S. R. King, our Iowa representative, tried to see you last week, but, unfortunately, he was unable to find you in. Now, he carries a full line of our samples, and it's worth the time it takes just to see how good they look, even if you don't care to buy. How about it? Don't you want to see them? Mr. King will be in Ottumwa next Wednesday.

Yours truly,

This style is commonly called "snappy." It has its advantage, but should be used only rarely. Above all, if you do use it, avoid the dash. Notice how the dash spoils the following:

Dear Sir:

Have you ever eaten that king of nuts--the budded or grafted paper sh.e.l.l pecan--the nut whose kernel is as nutritious as beef and as sweet and delicious as honey--the nut that is so delightfully palatable and so wholesome, the discriminating epicures of two continents have set their seal of approval on it--creating a demand that literally cannot be supplied--even at prices ranging as high as a dollar a pound.

To use the dash in this way seems to imply that you do not understand punctuation or sentence structure. If the paragraph is rewritten, removing the dashes and dividing into sentences, we get a much stronger appeal. The dash makes for weakness rather than for strength because it suggests hysterics.

Dear Sir:

Have you ever eaten the king of nuts, the budded or grafted paper sh.e.l.l pecan? The kernel is as nutritious as beef and as sweet as honey. It is so wholesome and so delicious that discriminating epicures of two continents have set their approval on it, creating a demand that literally cannot be supplied, even at prices ranging as high as a dollar a pound.

A very good way to open a sales letter is to get the attention by a bit of narration containing direct quotations, as shown in the following:

Dear Sir:

"It saves seven per cent."

So said Mr. John H. Samuels, a manufacturer of Birmingham, Ala.

He had watched his bookkeepers at their work, and it seemed to him that their main business was turning and flattening the springy pages of the bulgy ledger. Ten seconds were wasted, he said, every time a page was turned--almost every time an entry was made--and hardly more than two minutes were needed to make the entry. That was enough. Each of his twenty men was wasting seven per cent of his time.

"Try hinged paper," suggested the head bookkeeper.

Accordingly, Mr. Samuels tried several kinds of hinged paper, only to find that the hinged section tore, broke, or cracked. The time that the clerks now saved in flattening the leaves they wasted in rewriting the pages that had torn out.

He had no more faith in hinged papers by the time that he saw the advertis.e.m.e.nt of the Benton hinge. "As strong as the rest of the paper!" he scoffed. "We'll see about this!"

"Send me a sample," he wrote us. "If your ad tells the truth, you get my order."

We sent it. He tested it. He pulled it, crumpled it, ruled on it, erased it on both sides, and even creased it. But it did not break.

Very cautiously and doubtingly he tried the paper in one ledger for one month. He found that the book rolled flat whenever it was opened, that no hinge tore, and that every page could be used from binder to outer edge.

"It does the work," he told our salesman at the end of the month. "It saves seven per cent. Send me a consignment."

If you, too, are paying seven per cent of your bookkeepers' salaries for waste motion, let us send you a sample. It will cut down your expenses as it cut down Mr. Samuels'.

Remember that you put yourself under no obligation to us. You take no risks. Simply promise to use the paper if we send it free.

Yours truly,

=Exercise 224=

Study the following letters and letter openings for good and bad qualities:

1

Dear Sir:

People who have not had much of what the world calls "good luck" find it hard to believe an opportunity when it comes--they don't feel sure about it--on the other hand, people who have had many opportunities have a natural confidence that every opening presented is intended for them and they grasp it with an a.s.surance that begets success.

You may be one of those who have not had many chances to do what you would like to do and therefore not sure that my offer is an opportunity. For that reason let us again go over the points of advantage....

2

Dear Sir:

I am taking the liberty of writing you again because I fear you do not fully realize the value of the proposition I am offering you. Why, man, it's the opportunity of a life-time!... (extended for three pages.)

3

Dear Sir:

If we wanted to know just what kind of person you are, do you know where we'd go to find out? We'd ask your old friends and neighbors, who know all about you from close a.s.sociation.

If you want to find out about us--what we are doing and what improvements we are making in southern Florida--the best place to get this information is from the people of Florida, who know the facts from first-hand observation. The enclosed clipping is an editorial expression--not a paid advertis.e.m.e.nt--from the Ft. Meyers Press. The editor is under no obligation to us and is merely expressing the opinion of the people here... .

4

New York, Right Now.

A DEAL OF IMPORTANCE