Josh Billings on Ice Part 37

Wisdum, being natrally the stoughtest, takes learning up in its arms, and learning points out the shortest road tew take; they work together handy az a pair ov twin oxen.

If a man kant hav but one, he better hav the wisdum, for wisdum iz alwus fatt with good sense, and kan alwus uze its strength; while learning must hav just sich a spot tew work in, and jist sich a way tew do it.

Wisdum iz a giant, whoze strength makes him respekted, while learning iz a pigmy, whoze knowledge makes him feared.

But, Jeremiah, thare kan be a good deal sed for both ov them.

Wisdum grows stout by thinking, and learning gits fat by studdy.

Wisdum iz ov the natur ov genius, while learning iz ov the natur ov tallent.

But, Jeremiah, these subjects are too full ov logick for you and me tew phool with. We had better spend our loose moments in finding out the best way tew raize beans, and the best market tew take them to.

P.S.--I forgot to say that thare iz four hundred times az mutch learning in the world as thare iz wisdum.

And also, a man may hav a grate deal ov learning, and not know mutch, just as he may have a grate deal ov strength, and not know the best holts.

LXXVII.

JAW BONES.

Genius iz like a hop vine; it will run, and spread, enny how, and hav a whole lot ov wild hops on it, but tew be a good krop, it must be poled, and cut back, and suckered.

_Precept_ iz a buck saw--_experience_ the elbo grease that runs the cussid instrument.

Don't talk tew much, Jessie; one half the wisdum ov this world consists in not saying ennything.

Thare iz nothing more dangerous tew most men than praize; it iz like filling them up with gunpowder, and then tutching them oph.

Patience, if it iz merely const.i.tus.h.i.+onal, don't appear tew me to be enny more ov a virtue than kold feet are.

LXXVIII.

MORE PHILOSOPHY.

THE SUSPICIOUS MAN.

Suspicion, a little ov it, iz almost az good az wisdum, but it iz one ov them kind ov disseazes that men aint apt tew hav small. It iz like the meazles--if they have it they hav it aul over.

A suspicious man iz most alwus a cunning man; and a cunning man iz generally a rogue.

What the happiness ov a suspicious man consists in i never could tell.

It certainly aint in friends.h.i.+p, for he iz afraid tew trust hiz own brother; it kant be in conversashun, for he beleaves evry man lies; nor in affection, for he looks upon the artlessness, even ov children, as the germs ov fraud.

If a man iz born with this trait, it iz alwus the stoughtest one he haz got, and about the only one; for suspicions iz like sheep sorrell, a vinegary weed, that runs evry generous plant out ov the soil.

If a man learns tew be suspicious, it only proves that he haz been tew bad schools, where not mutch of ennything else waz taught.

n.o.boddy but a phool would lay aside all kaution and undertake tew go thru this world without enny linch-pin; but n.o.boddy but a rogue would learn enny more suspicion than he was aktually obliged to.

Prudence and kaution are the simple children ov wisdum; but suspicion iz either a b.a.s.t.a.r.d, got by Deceit, upon the person of Ignorance, or else it iz the legitimate baby ov parents who hav studdied kaution, not tew protekt themselves, but tew be able tew cheat sumboddy else aul the eazier.

THE WISE MAN.

Wisdum is a six-hoss team, with a karfull driver on the box. Yea! a wize man iz an iron-klad elephant chawing hiz cud.

But this wurld is full ov wisdum that never c.u.ms out ov its hole; that always roosts on the top limbs ov a tree and hoots at the wayfairing man, but kant show him the way out ov the wilderness.

These kind ov wise men are like old gideboards at the crotch ov the roads with the lettering aul washed oph--wooden prophets, wus than no news.

Wisdum is made out ov faith and virtew and truth seasoned with toil and experience, and scented with modesty. This kind ov wisdum is full as glorious as it is skase.

But experience, without doubt, is the boss skool-master ov wurdly wisdum. He is the one who taught Adam and his wife their fust lesson, and he haint never bin out ov a job since. His skool keeps aul day Sat.u.r.day, and Sundays too, and has but one vakation in it, and that is when aul hands are asleep.

But say what yu will, wisdum is a rare bird ennyhow. Thare is lots ov folks that kan show yu the mule that kicked them last, but it takes one ov yure kla.s.sikal skollars, one ov yure blooded wisdumers, tew point out the mule that iz a going tew kick next.

Buy wisdum, mi friends, whenever it is in market, for she is a harp ov 1200 strings.

THE EFFEMINATE MAN.

The effeminate man is a weak poultiss.

He is a kross between root beer and ginger pop with the cork left out ov the bottle over night.

He is a fresh water mermaid lost in a cow pastur, with his hands filled with dandylions.

He is a tea-kup full of whipped sillybub--a kitten in pantylets--a sick monkey with a blonde mustash.

He is a vine without enny tendrills--a fly drowned in sweet ile--a paper kite in a ded calm.

He lives as the b.u.t.terflise do--n.o.boddy kan tell whi. He is as harmless as a cent's wuth ov spruce gum, and as useless as a s.h.i.+rt b.u.t.ton without enny b.u.t.ton-hole.

He is as lazy as a bread-pill, and has no more hope than a last year's gra.s.shopper.

He is a man without enny gaul, and a woman without enny gissard.

He goes thru life on his tiptose, and dies like colone water spilt on the ground.