Sir Thomas Urquhart of Cromartie, Knight Part 16

98. Pancala.

99. Dominella.

100. Mundala.

101. Pamphais.

102. Philtrusa.

103. Meliglena.

104. Philetium.

105. Tersa.

106. Dulcicora.

107. Gethosyna.

108. Collabella.

109. Eucnema.

110. Tortolina.

111. Ripulita.

112. Urbana.

113. Lampusa.

114. Vistosa.

115. Hermosina.

116. Bramata.

117. Zaglopis.

118. Androlema.

119. Trastevole.

120. Suaviloqua.

121. Francoline.

122. Matilda.

123. Allegra.

124. Winnifred.

125. Dorothy.

126. Lawretta.

127. Genivieve.

128. Marjory.

129. Jane.

130. Anne.

131. Magdalen.

132. Girsel.

133. Mary.

134. Sophia.

135. Elconore.

136. Rosalind.

137. Lillias.

138. _Brigid._ 139. _Agnes._ 140. _Susanna._ 141. _Catherine._ 142. _Helen._ 143. _Beatrice._ 144. _Elizabeth._ 145. _Elizabeth._ 146. _Christian._

APPENDIX II

THE ADMIRABLE CRICHTON (p. 157).

"To speak a little now of his compatriot Crichtoun, I hope will not offend the ingenuous reader; who may know, by what is already displayed, that it cannot be heterogeneal from the proposed purpose, to make report of that magnanimous act atchieved by him at the Duke of Mantua's court, to the honour not only of his own, but to the eternal renown also of the whole Isle of Britain; the manner whereof was thus:

"A certain Italian gentleman, of a mighty, able, strong, nimble, and vigorous body, by nature fierce, cruell, warlike, and audacious, and in the gladiatory art so superlatively expert and dextrous, that all the most skilful teachers of Escrime, and fencing-masters of Italy, (which in matter of choice professors in that faculty, needed never as yet to yeild to any nation in the world), were by him beaten to their good behaviour, and by blows given in, which they could not avoid, enforced to acknowledge him their over comer; bethinking himself, how, after so great a conquest of reputation, he might by such means be very suddenly enriched, he projected a course of exchanging the blunt to sharp, and the foiles into tucks. And in this resolution providing a purse full of gold, worth neer upon four hundred pounds English money, traveled alongst the most especial and considerable parts of Spaine, France, the Low-Countryes, Germany, Pole, Hungary, Greece, Italy, and other places, where ever there was greatest probability of encountring with the eagerest and most atrocious duellists. And immediately after his arrival to any city or town that gave apparent likelihood of some one or other champion that would enter the lists and cope with him, he boldly challenged them with sound of trumpet, in the chief market-place, to adventure an equal sum of money against that of his, to be disputed at the sword's point who should have both. There failed not several brave men, almost of all nations, who, accepting of his cartels, were not afraid to hazard both their person and coine against him; but, (till he midled with this Crichtoun), so maine was the ascendant he had above all his antagonists, and so unlucky the fate of such as offered to scuffle with him, that all his opposing combatants, (of what state or dominion soever they were), who had not lost both their life and gold, were glad, for the preservation of their person, (though sometimes with a great expence of blood), to leave both their reputation and mony behind them.

At last, returning homewards to his own country, loaded with honor and wealth, or rather the spoils of the reputation of those forraginers, whom the Italians call Tramontani, he, by the way, after his accustomed manner of abording other places, repaired to the city of Mautua, where the Duke, (according to the courtesie usually bestowed on him by other princes), vouchsafed him a protection and savegard for his person; he (as formerly he was wont to do, by beat of drum, sound of trumpet, and several printed papers, disclosing his designe, battered on all the chief gates, posts, and pillars of the town), gave all men to understand, that his purpose was to challenge, at the single rapier, any whosoever of that city or country, that durst be so bold as to fight with him, provided he would deposite a bag of five hundred Spanish pistols over against another of the same value, which he himself should lay down, upon this condition, that the enjoyment of both should be the conqueror's due. His challenge was not long unanswered, for it happened, at the same time, that three of the most notable cutters in the world, (and so highly cryed up for valour, that all the bravos of the land were content to give way to their domineering, how insolent soever they should prove, because of their former constantly obtained victories in the field), were all three together at the court of Mantua, who, hearing of such a harvest of five hundred pistols to be reaped, (as they expected), very soon, and with ease, had almost contested amongst themselves for the priority of the first encounterer, but that one of my Lord Duke's courtiers moved them to cast lots for who should be first, second, and third, in case none of the former two should prove victorious. Without more adoe, he whose chance it was to answer the cartel with the first defiance, presented himself within the barriers, or place appointed for the fight, where, his adversary attending him, as soon as the trumpet sounded a charge, they jointly fel to work; and, (because I am not now to amplifie the particulars of a combat), although the dispute was very hot for a while, yet, whose fortune it was to be first of the three in the field, had the disaster to be first of the three that was foyled; for, at last, with a thrust in the throat, he was killed dead upon the ground. This, nevertheless, not a whit dismayed the other two, for, the nixt day, he that was second in the roll gave his appearance after the same manner as the first had done, but with no better success; for he likewise was laid flat dead upon the place, by means of a thrust he received in the heart. The last of the three, finding that he was as sure of being engaged in the fight as if he had been the first in order, pluckt up his heart, knit his spirits together, and, all the day after the death of the second, most couragiously entering the lists, demeaned himself for a while with great activity and skill; but at last, his luck being the same with those that preceded him, by a thrust in the belly, he within four and twenty hours after gave up the ghost. These (you may imagine), were lamentable spectacles to the Duke and citie of Mantua, who, casting down their faces for shame, knew not what course to take for reparation of their honour. The conquering duellist, proud of a victory so highly tending to both his honour and profit, for the s.p.a.ce of a whole fortnight, or two weeks together, marched daily along the streets of Mantua, (without any opposition or controulment), like another Romulus or Marcellus in triumph; which, the never too much to be admired Crichtoun perceiving, to wipe off the imputation of cowardise lying upon the court of Mantua, to which he had but even then arrived, (although formerly he had been a domestick thereof), he could neither eat nor drink till he had first sent a challenge to the conqueror, appelling him to repair with his best sword in his hand, by nine of the clock in the morning of the next day, in presence of the whole court, and in the same place where he had killed the other three, to fight with him upon this quarrel, that in the court of Mantua there were as valiant men as he; and, for his better encouragement to the desired undertaking, he a.s.sured him that, to the aforesaid five hundred pistols, he would adjoyn a thousand more, wis.h.i.+ng him to do the like, that the victor, upon the point of his sword, might carry away the richer bootay. The challenge, with all its conditions, is no sooner accepted of, the time and place mutually condescended upon, kept accordingly, and the fifteen hundred pistols _hinc inde_ deposited, but of the two rapiers of equal weight, length, and goodness, each taking one, in presence of the Duke, Dutchess, with all the n.o.blemen, ladies, magnificos, and all the choicest of men, women, and maids of that citie, as soon as the signal for the duel was given, by the shot of a great piece of ordnance of threescore and four pound ball, the combatants, with a lion-like animosity, made their approach to one another, and, being within distance, the valiant Crichtoun, to make his adversary spend his fury the sooner, betook himself to the defensive part; wherein, for a long time, he shewed such excellent dexterity in warding the other's blows, slighting his falsifyings, in breaking measure, and often, by the agility of his body, avoiding his thrust, that he seemed but to play, while the other was in earnest. The sweetness of Crichtoun's countenance, in the hotest of the a.s.sault, like a glance of lightning on the hearts of the spectators, brought all the Italian ladies on a sudden to be enamoured of him; whilst the sternness of the other's aspect, he looking like an enraged bear, would have struck terrour into wolves, and affrighted an English mastiff. Though they were both in their linens, (to wit, s.h.i.+rts and drawers, without any other apparel), and in all outward conveniences equally adjusted, the Italian, with redoubling his stroaks, foamed at the mouth with a cholerick heart, and fetched a pantling breath; the Scot, in sustaining his charge, kept himself in a pleasant temper, without pa.s.sion, and made void his designes; he alters his wards from tierce to quart; he primes and seconds it, now high, now lowe, and casts his body, (like another Prothee), into all the shapes he can, to spie an open on his adversary, and lay hold of an advantage, but all in vain; for the invincible Crichtoun, whom no cunning was able to surprise, contrepostures his respective wards, and, with an incredible nimbleness of both hand and foot, evades the intent and frustrates the invasion. Now is it, that the never before conquered Italian, finding himself a little faint, enters into a consideration that he may be over-matched; whereupon a sad apprehension of danger seizing upon all his spirits, he would gladly have his life bestowed on him as a gift, but that, having never been accustomed to yield, he knows not how to beg it. Matchless Crichtoun, seeing it now high time to put a gallant catastrophe to that so long dubious combat, animated with a divinely inspired servencie to fulfil the expectation of the ladies, and crown the Duke's ill.u.s.trious hopes, changeth his garb, falls to act another part, and, from defender, turn a.s.sailant; never did art so grace nature, nor nature second the precepts of art with so much liveliness, and such observancie of time, as when, after he had struck fire out of the steel of his enemie's sword, and gained the feeble thereof with the fort of his own, by angles of the strongest position, he did, by geometrical flourishes of straight and oblique lines, so practically execute the speculative part, that, as if there had been Remoras and secret charms in the variety of his motion, the fierceness of his foe was in a trice transqualified into the numbness of a pageant. Then was it that, to vindicate the reputation of the Duke's family, and expiate the blood of the three vanquished gentlemen, he alonged a stoccade _de pied ferme_; then recoyling, he advanced another thrust, and lodged it home; after which, retiring again, his right foot did beat the cadence of the blow that pierced the belly of this Italian, whose heart and throat being hit with the two former stroaks, these three franch bouts given in upon the back of the other; besides that, if lines were imagined drawn from the hand that livered them, to the places which were marked by them, they would represent a perfect isosceles triangle, with a perpendicular from the top angle cutting the basis in the middle; they likewise give us to understand, that by them he was to be made a sacrifice of atonement for the slaughter of the three aforesaid gentlemen, who were wounded in the very same parts of their bodies by other such three venees as these, each whereof being mortal; and his vital spirits exhaling as his blood gushed out, all he spoke was this, That seeing he could not live, his comfort in dying was, that he could not dye by the hand of a braver man; after the uttering of which words, he expiring, with the shril clarcens of trumpets, bouncing thunder of artillery, bethwacked beating of drums, universal clapping of hands, and loud acclamations of joy for so glorious a victory, the aire above them was so rarified by the extremity of the noise and vehement sound, dispelling the thickest and most condensed parts thereof, that (as Plutarch speakes of the Grecians, when they raised their shouts of allegress up to the very heavens at the hearing of the gracious proclamations of Paulus aemilius in favour of their liberty), the very sparrows and other flying fowls were said to fall to the ground for want of aire enough to uphold them in their flight.

"When this sudden rapture was over, and all husht into its former tranquility, the n.o.ble gallantry and generosity, beyond expression, of the inimitable Crichtoun, did transport them all againe into a new exstasie of ravishment, when they saw him like an angel in the shape of a man, or as another Mars, with the conquered enemie's sword in one hand, and the fifteen hundred pistols he had gained in the other, present the sword to the Duke as his due, and the gold to his high treasurer, to be disponed equally to the three widows of the three unfortunate gentlemen lately slaine, reserving only to himself the inward satisfaction he conceived, for having so opportunely discharged his duty to the House of Mantua.

"The reader perhaps will think this wonderful; and so would I too, were it not that I know, (as Sir Philip Sydney sayes), that a wonder is no wonder in a wonderful subject, and consequently not in him, who for his learning, judgement, valour, eloquence, beauty, and good-fellows.h.i.+p was the perfectest result of the joynt labour of the perfect number of those six deities, Pallas, Apollo, Mars, Mercury, Venus, and Bacchus, that hath been seen since the dayes of Alcibiades; for he was reported to have been inriched with a memory so prodigious, that any sermon, speech, harangue, or other manner of discourse of an hour's continuance, he was able to recite without hesitation, after the same manner of gesture and p.r.o.nuntiation in all points, wherewith it was delivered at first; and of so stupendious a judgment and conception, that almost naturally he understood quiddities of philosophy; and as for the abstrusest and most researched mysteries of other disciplines, arts, and faculties, the intentional species of them were as readily obvious to the interiour view and perspicacity of his mind, as those of the common visible colours to the external sight of him that will open his eyes to look upon them; of which accomplishment and Encyclopedia of knowledge, he gave on a time so marvelous a testimony at Paris, that the words of _Admirabilis Scotus_, the Wonderful Scot, in all the several tongues and idiomes of Europ, were, (for a great while together), by the most of the echos resounded to the peircing of the very clouds. To so great a hight and vast extent of praise did the never too much to be extolled reputation of the seraphick wit of that eximious man attaine, for his commanding to be affixed programs on all the gates of the schooles, halls, and colledges of that famous university, as also on all the chief pillars and posts standing before the houses of the most renowned men for literature, resident within the precinct of the walls and suburbs of that most populous and magnificent city, inviting them all, (or any whoever else versed in any kinde of scholastick faculty), to repaire at nine of the clock in the morning of such a day, moneth, and yeer, as by computation came to be just six weeks after the date of the affixes, to the common schoole of the colledge of Navarre,[261] where, (at the prefixed time), he should, (G.o.d willing), be ready to answer to what should be propounded to him concerning any science, liberal art, discipline, or faculty, practical or theoretick, not excluding the theological nor jurisprudential habits, though grounded but upon the testimonies of G.o.d and man, and that in any of these twelve languages,[262] Hebrew, Syriack, Arabick, Greek, Latin, Spanish, French, Italian, English, Dutch, Flemish, and Sclavonian, in either verse or prose, at the discretion of the disputant; which high enterprise and hardy undertaking, by way of challenge to the learndst men in the world, damped the wits of many able scholars to consider whether it was the attempt of a fanatick spirit, or lofty designe of a well-poised judgment; yet after a few days enquiry concerning him, when information was got of his incomparable endowments, all the choicest and most profound philosophers, mathematicians, naturalists, mediciners, alchymists, apothecaries, surgeons, doctors of both civil and canon law, and divines both for controversies and positive doctrine, together with the primest grammarians, rhetoricians, logicians, and others, professors of other arts and disciplines at Paris, plyed their studys in their private cels for the s.p.a.ce of a moneth, exceeding hard, and with huge paines and labor set all their braines awork how to contrive the knurriest arguments, and most difficult questions could be devised, thereby to puzzle him in the resolving of them, meander him in his answers, put him out of his medium, and drive him to a _non plus_; nor did they forget to premonish the ablest there of forraign nations not to be unprepared to dispute with him in their own material dialects, and that sometimes metrically, sometimes otherwayes, _pro libitu_.[263] All this while the Admirable Scot, (for so from thenceforth he was called), minding more his hawking, hunting, tilting, vaulting, riding of well-managed horses, tossing of the pike, handling of the musket, flouris.h.i.+ng of colours, dancing, fencing, swimming, jumping, throwing of the bar, playing at tennis, baloon, or long catch; and sometimes at the house games of dice, cards, playing at the chess, billiards, trou-madam, and other such like chamber sports, singing, playing on the lute and other musical instruments, masking, balling, reveling; and, which did most of all divert, or rather distract him from his speculations and serious employments, being more addicted to, and plying closer the courting of handsome ladyes, and a jovial cup in the company of baccha.n.a.lian blades, then [than] the forecasting how to avoid, shun, and escape the snares, grins [gins?], and nets of the hard, obscure, and hidden arguments, ridles, and demands, to be made, framed, and woven by the professors, doctors, and others of that thrice-renowned university.

There arose upon him an aspersion of too great p.r.o.ness to such like debordings and youthful emanc.i.p.ations, which occasioned one less acquainted with himself then [than] his reputation, to subjoyn, (some two weeks before the great day appointed), to that program of his, which was fixed on the Sorbone gate, these words: 'If you would meet with this monster of perfection, to make search for him ... in the taverne ... is the reedyest way to finde him.' By reason of which expression, (though truly as I think, both scandalous and false), the eminent sparks of the university, (imagining that those papers of provocation had been set up to no other end, but to scoff and delude them, in making them waste their spirits upon quirks and quiddities, more then [than] was fitting), did resent a little of their former toyle, and slack their studyes, becoming almost regardless thereof, till the several peals of bells ringing an hour or two before the time a.s.signed, gave warning that the party was not to flee the barriers, nor decline the hards.h.i.+p of academical a.s.saults; but, on the contrary, so confident in his former resolution, that he would not shrink to sustaine the shock of all their disceptations. This sudden alarm so awaked them out of their last fortnight's lethargy, that, calling to minde, the best way they might, the fruits of the foregoing moneth's labour, they hyed to the forenamed schoole with all diligence; where, after all of them had, according to their several degrees and qualities, seated themselves, and that by reason of the noise occasioned through the great confluence of people, which so strange a novelty brought thither out of curiosity, an universal silence was commanded, the Orator of the University, in most fluent Latine, addressing his speech to Crichtoun, extolled him for his literature, and other good parts, and for that confident opinion he had of his own sufficiency, in thinking himself able to justle in matters of learning with the whole university of Paris, Crichtoun answering him in no less eloquent terms of Latine, after he had most heartily thanked him for his elegies, so undeservedly bestowed, and darted some high encomiums upon the university and the professors therein; he very ingeniously [ingenuously] protested that he did not emit his programs out of any ambition to be esteemed able to enter in compet.i.tion with the university, but meerly to be honoured with the favour of a publick conference with the learned men thereof. In complements after this manner, _ultro citroque habitis_, tossed to and again, retorted, contrerisposted, backreverted, and now and then graced with a quip or a clinch for the better relish of the ear, being unwilling in this kind of straining curtesie to yeeld to other, they spent a full half hour and more; for he being the centre to which the innumerable diameters of the discourses of that circulary convention did tend, although none was to answer but he, any of them all, according to the order of their prescribed series, were permitted to reply, or commence new motions on any subject, in what language soever, and howsoever expressed; to all which, he being bound to tender himself a respondent, in matter and form suitable to the impugners propounding, he did first so transcendently acquit himself of that circ.u.mstantial kinde of oratory, that, by well-couched periods, and neatly running syllables, in all the twelve languages, both in verse and prose, he expressed to the life his courts.h.i.+p [courtliness] and civility; and afterwards, when the Rector of the university, (unwilling to have any more time bestowed on superficial rhetorick, or to have that wasted on the fondness of quaint phrases, which might be better employed in a reciprocacy of discussing scientifically the nature of substantial things), gave direction to the professors to fall on, each according to the dignity or precedency of his faculty, and that conform to the order given. Some metaphysical notions were set abroach, then mathematical, and of those arithmetical, geometrical, astronomical, musical, optical, cosmographical, trigonometrical, statical, and so forth through all the other branches of the prime and mother sciences thereof; the next bout was through all natural philosophy, according to Aristotle's method, from the acroamaticks, going along the speculation of the nature of the heavens, and that of the generation and corruption of sublinary things, even to the consideration of the soul and its faculties; in sequel hereof, they had a hint at chymical extractions, and spoke of the principles of corporeal and mixed bodies, according to the precepts of that art. After this, they disputed of medicine, in all its thereapeutick, pharmacopeutick, and chirurgical parts; and not leaving natural magick untouched, they had exquisite disceptations concerning the secrets thereof. From thence they proceeded to moral philosophy, where, debating of the true enumeration of all vertues and vices, they had most learned ratiocinations about the chief good of the life of man; and seeing the [that] c.u.menicks and politicks are parts of that philosophy, they argued learnedly of all the several sorts of governments, with their defects and advantages; whereupon perpending, that, without an established law, all the duties of ruling and subjection, to the utter ruin of humane society, would be as often violated as the irregularity of pa.s.sion, seconded with power, should give way thereto. The Sorbonist, canonical, and civilian doctors most judiciously argued with him about the most prudential maximes, sentences, ordinances, acts, and statutes for ordering all manner of persones in their consciences, bodyes, fortunes, and reputation; nor was there an end put to those literate exercitations till the grammarians, rhetoricians, poets, and logicians had a.s.sailed him with all the subtleties and nicest quodlibets their respective habits could afford. Now when, to the admiration of all that were there, the incomparable Crichtoun had, in all these faculties above written, and in any of the twelve languages wherein he was spoke to, whether in verse or prose, held tack to all the disputants, who were accounted the ablest scholars upon earth in each their own profession; and publickly evidenced such an universality of knowledge, and accurate promptness in resolving of doubts, distinguis.h.i.+ng of obscurities, expressing the members of a distinction in adequate terms of art, explaining those compendious tearms with words of a more easie apprehension to the prostrating of the sublimest mysteries to any vulgar capacity, and with all excogitable variety of learning, (to his own everlasting fame), entertained, after that kinde, the nimble witted Parisians from nine o'clock in the morning till six at night; the Rector now finding it high time to give some relaxation to these worthy spirits, which, during such a long s.p.a.ce, had been so intensively bent upon the abstrusest speculations, rose up, and saluting the divine Crichtoun, after he had made an elegant panegyrick, or encomiastick speech of half an houre's continuance, tending to nothing else but the extolling of him for the rare and most singular gifts wherewith G.o.d and nature had endowed him, he descended from his chaire, and, attended by three or four of the most especial professors, presented him with a diamond ring and a purse ful of gold, wis.h.i.+ng him to accept thereof, if not, as a recompense proportional to his merit, yet as a badge of love, and testimony of the universitie's favour towards him. At the tender of which ceremony, there was so great a plaudite in the schoole, such a humming and clapping of hands, that all the concavities of the colledges there about did resound with the echo of the noise thereof.

"Notwithstanding the great honor thus purchased by him for his literatory accomplishments, and that many excellent spirits, to obteine the like, would be content to postpose all other employments to the enjoyment of their studyes, he, nevertheless, the very next day, (to refresh his braines, as he said, for the toile of the former day's work), went to the Louvre in a buff-suit, more like a favourite of Mars then [than] one of the Muses' minions; where, in presence of some princes of the court, and great ladies, that came to behold his gallantry, he carryed away the ring fifteen times on end, and broke as many lances on the Saracen.

"When for a quarter of a yeer together he after this manner had disported himself, (what martially, what scholastically), with the best qualified men in any faculty so ever, that so large a city, (which is called the world's abridgement), was able to afford, and now and then solaced these his more serious recreations, (for all was but sport to him), with the alluring imbellishments of the tendrer s.e.xe, whose _inamorato_ that he might be, was their ambition; he on a sudden took resolution to leave the Court of France, and return to Italy, where he had been bred for many yeers together; which designe he prosecuting within the s.p.a.ce of a moneth, (without troubling himself with long journeys), he arrived at the Court of Mantua, where immediately after his abord, (as hath been told already), he fought the memorable combat whose description is above related. Here it was that the learned and valiant Crichtoun was pleased to cast anchor, and fix his abode; nor could he almost otherwise do, without disobliging the Duke, and the Prince his eldest son; by either whereof he was so dearly beloved, that none of them would permit him by any means to leave their Court, whereof he was the only _privado_, the object of all men's love, and subject of their discourse; the example of the great ones, and wonder of the meaner people; the paramour of the female s.e.xe, and paragon of his own. In the glory of which high estimation, having resided at that Court above two whole yeers, the reputation of gentlemen there was hardly otherwayes valued but by the measure of his acquaintance; nor were the young unmaryed ladies, of all the most eminent places thereabouts, any thing respected of one another, that had not either a lock of his hair, or copy of verses of his composing. Nevertheless it happening on a Shrove-tuesday at night, (at which time it is in Italy very customary for men of great sobriety, modesty, and civil behaviour all the rest of the yeer, to give themselves over on that day of carnavale, as they call it, to all manner of riot, drunkenness, and incontinency, which that they may do with the least imputation they can to their credit, they go maskt and mum'd with vizards on their faces, and in the disguise of a Zanni or Pantaloon, to ventilate their fopperies, and sometimes intolerable enormities, without suspicion of being known), that this ever renowned Crichtoun, (who, in the afternoon of that day, at the desire of my Lord Duke, the whole court striving which should exceed each other in foolery, and devising of the best sports to excite laughter, neither my Lord, the Dutchess, nor Prince, being exempted from acting their parts, as well as they could), upon a theater set up for the purpose, begun to prank it, _a la Venetiana_, with such a flourish of mimick and ethopoetick gestures, that all the courtiers of both s.e.xes, even those that a little before were fondest of their own conceits, at the sight of his so inimitable a garb, from ravis.h.i.+ng actors that they were before, turned them ravished spectators. O with how great liveliness did he represent the conditions of all manner of men! how naturally did he set before the eyes of the beholders the rogueries of all professions, from the overweening monarch to the peevish swaine, through all the intermediate degrees of the superficial courtier or proud warrior, dissembled churchman, doting old man, cozening lawyer, lying traveler, covetous merchant, rude seaman, pedantick scholar, the amourous shepheard, envious artisan, vainglorious master, and tricky servant; he did with such variety display the several humours of all these sorts of people, and with a so bewitching energy, that he seemed to be the original, they the counterfeit; and they the resemblance whereof he was the prototype. He had all the jeers, squibs, flouts, buls, quips, taunts, whims, jests, clinches, gybes, mokes, jerks, with all the several kinds of equivocations, and other sophistical captions, that could properly be adapted to the person by whose representation he intended to inveagle the company into a fit of mirth; and would keep in that miscelany discourse of his, (which was all for the splene, and nothing for the gall), such a climacterical and mercurially digested method, that when the fancy of the hearers was tickled with any rare conceit, and that the jovial blood was moved, he held it going with another new device upon the back of the first, and another, yet another, and another againe, succeeding one another for the promoval of what is a-stirring into a higher agitation; till in the closure of the luxuriant period, the dec.u.ma.n.a.l wave of the oddest whimsy of all, enforced the charmed spirits of the auditory, (for affording room to its apprehension), suddenly to burst forth into a laughter, which commonly lasted just so long as he had leisure to withdraw behind the skreen, s.h.i.+ft off, with the help of a page, the suite he had on, apparel himself with another, and return to the stage to act afresh; for by that time their transported, disparpled, and sublimated fancies, by the wonderfully operating engines of his solacious inventions, had from the hight to which the inward scrues, wheeles, and pullies of his wit had elevated them, descended by degrees into their wonted stations, he was ready for the personating of another carriage; whereof to the number of fourteen several kinds, (during the five hours s.p.a.ce that at the Duke's desire, the solicitation of the court, and his own recreation, he was pleased to histrionize it), he shewed himself so natural a representative, that any would have thought he had been so many several actors, differing in all things else, save only the stature of the body; with this advantage above the most of other actors, whose tongue, with its oral implements, is the onely instrument of their minds'

disclosing, that, besides his mouth with its appurtenances, he lodged almost a several oratour in every member of his body; his head, his eyes, his shoulder, armes, hands, fingers, thighs, legs, feet, and breast, being able to decipher any pa.s.sion whose character he purposed to give.

"First, he did present himself with a crown on his head, a scepter in his hand, being clothed in a purple robe furred with ermyne; after that, with a miter on his head, a crosier in his hand, and accoutred with a paire of lawn-sleeves; and thereafter, with a helmet on his head, the visiere up, a commanding stick in his hand, and arayed in a buff-suit, with a scarf about his middle. Then, in a rich apparel, after the newest fas.h.i.+on, did he shew himself, (like another Seja.n.u.s), with a periwig daubed with Cypres powder; in sequel of that, he came out with a three-corner'd cap on his head, some parchments in his hand, and writings hanging at his girdle like Chancery bills; and next to that, with a furred gown about him, an ingot of gold in his hand, and a bag full of money by his side; after all this, he appeares againe clad in a country-jacket, with a p.r.o.ng in his hand, and a Monmouth-like-cap on his head; then very shortly after, with a palmer's coat upon him, a bourdon in his hand,[264] and some few c.o.c.kle-shels stuck to his hat, he look'd as if he had come in pilgrimage from St Michael; immediately after that, he domineers it in a bare unlined gown, with a pair of whips in the one hand, and Corderius in the other; and in suite thereof, he honderspondered[265] it with a pair of pannier-like breeches, a mountera-cap on his head, and a knife in a wooden sheath dagger-ways by his side; about the latter end, he comes forth again with a square in one hand, a rule in the other, and a leather ap.r.o.n before him; then very quickly after, with a scrip by his side, a sheep-hook in his hand, and a basket full of flowers to make nosegayes for his mistris; now drawing to a closure, he rants it first _in cuerpo_, and vapouring it with gingling spurs, and his armes a kenbol like a Don Diego he strouts it, and by the loftiness of his gate, plaies the Capitan Spavento; then in the very twinkling of an eye, you would have seen him againe issue forth with a cloak upon his arm, in a livery garment, thereby representing the serving-man; and lastly, at one time amongst those other, he came out with a long gray beard, and bucked ruff, crouching on a staff tip't, with the head of a barber's cithern,[266] and his gloves hanging by a b.u.t.ton at his girdle.

"Those fifteen several personages did he represent with such excellency of garb, and exquisiteness of language, that condignely to perpend the subtlety of the invention, the method of the disposition, the neatness of the elocution, the gracefulness of the action, and wonderful variety in the so dextrous performance of all, you would have taken it for a comedy of five acts, consisting of three scenes, each composed by the best poet in the world, and acted by fifteen of the best players that ever lived, as was most evidently made apparent to all the spectators in the fifth and last hour of his action, (which, according to our western account, was about six a clock at night, and by the calculation of that country, half an hour past three and twenty, at that time of the yeer), for, purposing to leave off with the setting of the sun, with an endeavour nevertheless to make his conclusion the master-piece of the work, he, to that effect, summoning all his spirits together, which never failed to be ready at the call of so worthy a commander, did by their a.s.sistance, so conglomerate, shuffle, mix, and interlace the gestures, inclinations, actions, and very tones of the speech of those fifteen several sorts of men, whose carriages he did personate into an inestimable _ollapodrida_ of immaterial morsels of divers kinds, suitable to the very ambrosian relish of the Heliconian nymphs, that, in the peripetia of this drammatical exercitation, by the inchanted transportation of the eyes and eares of its spectabundal auditorie, one would have sworne that they all had looked with multiplying gla.s.ses, and that, (like that angel in the Scripture whose voice was said to be like the voice of a mult.i.tude), they heard in him alone the promiscuous speech of fifteen several actors; by the various ravishments of the excellencies whereof, in the frolickness of a jocund straine beyond expectation, the logofascinated spirits of the beholding hearers and auricularie spectators, were so on a sudden seazed upon in their risible faculties of the soul, and all their vital motions so universally affected in this extremitie of agitation, that, to avoid the inevitable charmes of his intoxicating e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.ns, and the acc.u.mulative influences of so powerfull a transportation, one of my lady Dutchess'

chief maids of honour, by the vehemencie of the shock of those incomprehensible raptures, burst forth into a laughter to the rupture of a veine in her body; and another young lady, by the irresistible violence of the pleasure unawares infused, where the tender receptibilitie of her too tickled fancie was least able to hold out, so unprovidedly was surprised, that, with no less impetuositie of ridibundal pa.s.sion then [than], (as hath been told), occasioned a fracture in the other young ladie's modestie, she, not being able longer to support the well beloved burthen of so excessive delight, and intransing joys of such mercurial exhilations through the ineffable extasie of an overmastered apprehension, fell back in a swown, without the appearance of any other life into her then [than] what, by the most refined wits of theological speculators, is conceived to be exerced by the purest parts of the separated entelechises of blessed saints in their sublimest conversations with the celestial hierarchies; this accident procured the incoming of an apothecary with restoratives, as the other did that of a surgeon with consolidative medicaments.[267] The Admirable Crichtoun now perceiving that it was drawing somewhat late, and that our occidental rays of Phbus were upon their turning oriental to the other hemisphere of the terrestrial globe; being withall jealous that the uninterrupted operation of the exuberant diversitie of his jovialissime entertainment, by a continuate winding up of the humours there present to a higher, yet higher, and still higher pitch, above the supremest Lydian note of the harmonie of voluptuousness, should, in such a case, through the too intensive stretching of the already super-elated strings of their imagination, with a transcendencie over-reaching Ela, and beyond the well concerted gain of rational equanimitie, involve the remainder of that ill.u.s.trious companie into the sweet labyrinth and mellifluent anfractuosities of a lacinious delectation, productive of the same inconveniences which befel the two afore-named ladies; whose delicacie of const.i.tution, though sooner overcome, did not argue, but that the same extranean causes from him proceeding of their pathetick alteration, might by a longer insisting in an efficacious agencie, and unremitted working of all the consecutively imprinted degrees that the capacity of the patient is able to containe, prevaile at last, and have the same predominancie over the dispositions of the strongest complexioned males of that splendid society, did, in his own ordinary wearing apparel, with the countenance of a Prince, and garb befitting the person of a so well bred gentleman and cavalier, ?at e????? full of majestie, and repleat with all excogitable civilitie, (to the amazement of all that beheld his heroick gesture), present himself to epilogate this his almost extemporanean comedie, though of five hours continuance without intermission; and that with a peroration so neatly uttered, so distinctly p.r.o.nounced, and in such elegancie of selected tearmes, expressed by a diction so periodically contexed with isocoly of members, that the matter thereof tending in all humility to beseech the highnesses of the Duke, Prince, and Dutchess, together with the remanent lords, ladies, knights, gentlemen, and others of both s.e.xes of that honourable convention, to vouchsafe him the favour to excuse his that afternoon's escaped extravagancies, and to lay the blame of the indigested irregularity of his wits' excursions, and the abortive issues of his disordered brain, upon the customarily dispensed with priviledges in those Cisalpinal regions, to authorize such like impertinencies at Carnavalian festivals; and that, although, according to the meet commonly received opinion in that country, after the nature of Load-him, (a game at cards), where he that wins loseth, he who, at that season of the year, playeth the fool most egregiously, is reputed the wisest man; he, nevertheless, not being ambitious of the fame of enjoying good qualities, by vertue of the antiphrasis of the fruition of bad ones, did meerly undergo that emanc.i.p.atorie task of a so profuse liberty, and to no other end embraced the practising of such roaming and exorbitant diversions but to give an evident, or rather infallible, demonstration of his eternally bound duty to the House of Mantua, and all inviolable testimony of his never to be altered designe, in prosecuting all the occasions possible to be laid hold on that can in any manner of way prove conducible to the advancement of, and contributing to, the readiest means for improving those advantages that may best promove the faculties of making all his choice endeavours, and utmost abilities at all times, effectual to the long-wished-for furtherance of his most cordial and endeared service to the serenissime highnesses of My Lord Duke, Prince, and Dutchess, and of consecrating with all addicted obsequiousness, and submissive devotion, his everlasting obedience to the ill.u.s.trious shrine of their joynt commands. Then incontinently addressing himself to the Lords, ladies and others of that rotonda, (which, for his daigning to be its inmate, though but for that day, might be accounted in nothing inferior to the great Colisee of Rome, or Amphitheater of Neems), with a stately carriage, and port suitable to so prime a gallant, he did cast a look on all the corners thereof, so bewitchingly amiable and magically efficacious as if in his eys had bin a muster of ten thousand cupids eagerly striving who should most deeply pierce the hearts of the spectators with their golden darts. And truly so it fell out, (that there not being so much as one arrow shot in vain), all of them did love him, though not after the same manner, nor for the same end; for, as the manna of the Arabian desarts is said to have had in the mouths of the Egyptian Israelites, the very same tast of the meat they loved best, so the Princes that were there did mainly cherish him for his magnanimity and knowledge; his courtliness and sweet behaviour being that for which chiefly the n.o.blemen did most respect him; for his pregnancie of wit, and chivalric in vindicating the honour of ladies, he was honoured by the knights, and the esquires and other gentlemen courted him for his affability and good fellows.h.i.+p; the rich did favour him for his judgment and ingeniosity; and for his liberality and munificence he was blessed by the poor; the old men affected him for his constancie and wisdome, and the young for his mirth and gallantry; the scholars were enamoured of him for his learning and eloquence, and the souldiers for his integrity and valour; the merchants, for his upright dealing and honesty, praised and extolled him, and the artificers for his goodness and benignity; the chastest lady of that place would have hugged and imbraced him for his discretion and ingenuity; whilst for his beauty and comeliness of person he was, at least in the fervency of their desires, the paramour of the less continent; he was dearly beloved of the fair women, because he was handsome, and of the fairest more dearly, because he was handsomer: in a word, the affections of the beholders, (like so many several diameters drawn from the circ.u.mference of their various intents), did all concenter in the point of his perfection. After a so considerable insinuation, and gaining of so much ground upon the hearts of the auditory, (though in a shorter s.p.a.ce then [than] the time of a flash of lightning), he went on, (as before), in the same thred of the conclusive part of his discourse, with a resolution not to cut it, till the overabounding pa.s.sions of the company, their exorbitant motions and discomposed gestures, through excess of joy and mirth, should be all of them quieted, calmed, and pacified, and every man, woman, and maid there, (according to their humour), resented in the same integrity they were at first; which when by the articulatest elocution of the most significant words, expressive of the choisest things that fancie could suggest, and, conforme to the matter's variety, elevating or depressing, flat or sharply accinating it, with that proportion of tone that was most consonant with the purpose, he had attained unto, and by his verbal harmony and melodious utterance, setled all their distempered pleasures, and brought their disorderly raised spirits into their former capsuls, he with a tongue tip't with silver, after the various diapasons of all his other expressions, and making of a leg for the spruceness of its courtsie, of greater decorement to him then [than] cloth of gold and purple, farewel'd the companie with a complement of one period so exquisitely delivered, and so well attended by the gracefulness of his hand and foot, with the quaint miniardise of the rest of his body, in the performance of such ceremonies as are usual at a court-like departing, that from the theater he had gone into a lobie, from thence along three s.p.a.cious chambers, whence descending a back staire, he past through a low gallerie which led him to that outer gate, where a coach with six horses did attend him, before that magnificent convention of both s.e.xes, (to whom that room, wherein they all were, seemed in his absence to be as a body without a soul), had the full leisure to recollect their spirits, (which, by the neatness of his so curious a close, were _quoquoversedly_ scattered with admiration), to advise on the best expediency how to dispose of themselves for the future of that [delightful] night."

FOOTNOTES:

[261] The College of Navarre was founded by Jeanne of Navarre, consort of Philippe the Fair, in 1305. Throughout the fourteenth and fifteenth centuries it was the foremost foundation of the University of Paris (F.

W. S.).

[262] John Hill Burton points out the somewhat curious fact that, among the hero's linguistic accomplishments, Gaelic, which must have been talked at his own door, does not appear.

[263] In the matter of length this is surely a record sentence.

[264] "_A bourdon in his hand_"--"A musical instrument resembling a ba.s.soon, in use with pilgrims who visit the body of St James at Compostella" (Sir John Hawkins).

[265] "_Honderspondered_"--_i.e._ floundered. Fr. _hondrespondres_ (_Rab._ iii. 42)--"hundred-pounders," heavy, burly fellows.

[266] "_Barber's cithern_"--"The instrument now ignorantly called a guitar. It was formerly part of the furniture of a barber's shop, and was the amus.e.m.e.nt of waiting customers" (Sir John Hawkins).

[267] This incident reminds one of the effect produced upon the lawyers in court when "Pantagruel gave judgment upon the difference of the two lords." Our readers will remember that it is the author of the above description who is the translator of the narrative which tells of that wonderfully satisfactory decision. "As for the counsellors, and other doctors in the law that were there present, they were all so ravished with admiration at the more than humane wisdom of Pantagruel, which they did most clearly perceive to be in him, by his so accurate decision of this so difficult and thornie cause, that their spirits, with the extremity of the rapture, being elevated above the pitch of actuating the organs of the body, they fell into a trance and sudden extasie, wherein they stayed for the s.p.a.ce of three long houres; and had been so as yet, in that condition, had not some good people fetched store of vinegar and rose water to bring them again into their former sense and understanding, for the which G.o.d be praised everywhere. And so be it."

(_Rabelais_, ii. 13.)