Kämpfer Vol 1 Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The weather was clear and sunny. I'd call the color of the sky 'Pecan' . Not from the nuts, but from the beautiful blue color of the box of a brand of cigarettes that Higas.h.i.+da buys. I'd buy the brand just to gaze at the color, but I don't smoke.

I was idly waiting in front of the Metro station, just before 10:00, right on time. I was in girl-form. Personally, I'd rather be dating as a man, but it couldn't be helped. Today, it's complicated. Perhaps my situation will stay complicated for my lifetime.

Akane was beside me, in her usual form. She was in fierce-dog mode first because I still couldn't transform myself. However, she returned to normal immediately after.

Naturally I protested, but Akane refused saying "because..." while nearly crying.

"Why?"

"...so Sakura-san and Natsuru-san can be alone."

"Huh?"

"Because it's... when I change everything I say is vulgar, everything irritates me, the whole world is at fault. I can't help but quarrel, even with you..."

"But if Akane-chan isn't transformed I could change back to being a man at any time."

"Then even Sakura-san will want to shoot you."

That would be troublesome. She couldn't be persuaded and remained in her original form. I buried my head in my hands.

"If I change back in the middle of my date with Sakura-san, it's too terrible to imagine."

"Sounds like a good time to pray," said the irritating Harakiri-tora.

"G.o.d may grant the prayer, but I doubt the moderator would care."

I deeply regret bringing her out, but she pleaded to get out of the boring room.

"Don't you have a way to extend the transformation, a drug or something?"

"Like I said before, the only way is to gain experience."

"Added together I have about a day of experience."

"That's just,..." she shook her head indicating it wasn't good. c.r.a.p!

"Just try it when you need it. If it doesn't work, the worst that can happen is you get a hole through your head." That came from Seppuku-kuro-usagi. Akane brought her along because it had complained so noisily.

"You'll get it eventually if you keep trying, there's no predicting it. That's all Harakiri-tora was saying."

"Just keep to positive thinking. If anything happens run and hide."

That's easy to say.

Keeping my mind focused on not transforming may not be enough. Plus it's rude to be preoccupied while dating, positive thinking aside. Akane was slouching and silent. She had Seppuku-kuro-usagi in one arm and Harakiri-tora in the other. Like a doll collector.

"It's OK," I gave up, "I'll date Sakura-san the way things are."

"I'm sorry..."

"Akane-chan, you need to hide somewhere."

She replied, "yes..." in a low voice. As she left the stuffed animals said "keep praying for favor," and "even if you fail you can still laugh about it."

Then I was alone. The sunlight was s.h.i.+ning and I watched herds of people exiting the station. Wondering how many of them were in a situation like mine; none I bet. Do high school boys that become girls when they wake up in the morning acc.u.mulate in large numbers? However, there may be Kämpfer in the crowds. Although not likely, I was told that there is a tendency for Kämpfer to appear near others. It's bound to happen before too long. After all, Akane and I were already the target of one enemy.

"Sorry to keep you waiting."

I was back to reality. Sakura-san was smiling in front of me. She looks good in her uniform, but a short skirt and a short sleeve top suit her very well; she was lovely.

"I'm sorry, were you bored?"

I shook my head. I could think later, now wasn't spare time.

"I worried about what clothes to wear. But I couldn't be late for my first date with Natsuru-san."

It's understandable; I also fretted about what to wear.

Sakura-san was looking at the clothes I was wearing.

"I've only seen you in your uniform, you always look cool, even in plain clothes."

I was wearing denim jeans with a wide belt over a thin s.h.i.+rt. On my neck I wore a silver necklace. They were my own clothes, men's clothes. No women live at my house, so there's no women's clothes. I didn't have time to go buy anything, so I did what I could. The s.h.i.+rt was tight around my chest and my a.s.s barely fit in the jeans. I borrowed the necklace from Akane, she said it was needed.

I had to plan for an outfit that wouldn't be a problem if I transformed. A sailor suit uniform would be very odd to wear on a date. There was no way to tell when or where I would need to transform, or what would happen to my clothes when I did. If I become naked, it would be very hard to slip away in j.a.pan. Akane was carrying a spare clothes just in case. Oh, what a thrilling idea for a first date.

"Shall we go?" Sakura-san said.

I never asked 'where are we going?' I wonder if she would have told me.

She already had tickets. I glanced back nonchalantly and saw Akane with a stuffed toy in each arm, battling with an automated ticket machine. She had to set Harakiri-tora down to gain the upper hand.

We pa.s.sed through the ticket gate and went to the platform.

Akane was still struggling to get through the automatic gate while holding the two stuffed animals. She had to set one down again. I was wondering how I could hold up the train from leaving, but when I looked at the smile on Sakura-san's face all I could think of was my future happiness. I'd be even happier if I wasn't a girl though.

"I'm so happy..."

I looked at her, what a coincidence.

"...being together, you know?" Her cheeks were red with embarra.s.sment.

"I've been looking forward to having fun today. I'm thrilled to be on a date with Natsuru-san."

I couldn't help but look around to see if people would react to two girls 'dating.' The train pulled in, and it was very crowded. After waiting for the train to empty we boarded. The train was half empty then, so we were able to get good seats.

"Where...?" I started to ask.

"...if you don't mind, I thought we'd see a movie."

Movie, that sounded good.

"I've been looking forward to it, but it's just a screening. Unless you're not interested."

I agreed. Recently I'd only seen a few movies, Hollywood or Studio Ghibli, and those were video rentals. It's not that I dislike theaters, but I rarely think of going. After a short time it was time to get off the train. We got off a few blocks from the center of Tokyo. The area was being redeveloped and a new cineplex had just been built.

Sakura-san tugged my arm, "this is it."

There was a big sign 'A Poet's Love.' A romance film, perfectly suited for a date. Sakura-san purchased the tickets. It felt odd to have her pay and she must have seen it on my face.

She said, "...since I invited you."

She handed the tickets to the woman behind the velvet ropes and we walked in. We went past the entrance for 'A Poet's Love.'

Huh?

The door we walked towards had a large sign 'Entrails Animals - The b.l.o.o.d.y Prison Gates.'

"Entrails Animals became a movie! I've been looking forward to it and knew I had to bring Natsuru-san. It's early, but let's go in."

She led me by the hand into the theater. The room was almost empty. The film was so poorly promoted that even 'free' tickets may not bring people in. We sat in the middle of the front row. Akane came in and sat towards the back. Even with her there it made five customers, no more than could be counted on one hand.

Sakura-san showed me a pamphlet she had purchased. The main sales pitch was 'Resuscitating CPR for the unpopular Entrails Animals series.' At least one vendor appeared to have been deceived to think the series was coming back.

By the time the previews started there were enough people to need a full two hands to count. The story was a mess; a detective story with the Entrails Animals descending upon the Edo period and removing the villain's internal organs to set things right, sort of. But about halfway through the movie that story changed into an alien-armored-tank-monster possessed by an evil soul... if I could understand what I was seeing. Sakura-san, however, was engrossed, staring at the screen.

"It's interesting."

I couldn't quite agree though, did I miss something?

On screen the 'Entrails Animal Fighter Plane' was battling the monster which, naturally, was flying about the castles of the Edo period while trailing its intestines.

"Well... a little."

"...it is. Very few people understand the fun of Entrails Animals. I'm glad Natsuru-san is enjoying it."

Enjoyment might come when the movie is done. By the end of the movie it had become a story where the Edo town is rescued through a game of volleyball. The enemy was a group of surgeons trying to place the entrails back into their respective abdomens. How can I not think the doctors are right?

Sakura-san's profile is still beautiful even in a dimly lit room. However her empathy is clearly sided with the Entrails Animals and her expression is mortified whenever a surgeon's scalpel appears on screen.

Someone entered the theater, likely someone early for the next showing. On the screen the surgeon was made to suck on LSD and the characters all turned to psychedelic colors worked through with distorted CGI. Maybe this was worth the ticket.

I glanced at my arm and my heart jumped. My bracelet was glowing, a signal that I would transform soon. Too soon and acid wouldn't be needed to surprise Sakura-san. Finding herself seated next to a man when the lights turned on, she'd scream for the police.

I looked back to where Akane was seated. I beckoned to her excitedly, but she didn't notice. She was staring at the screen. Oh my G.o.d, she's also a fan of Entrails Animals; at a time like this! The bracelet was flas.h.i.+ng faster, this was no joke. Just as I prepared to run the blinking stopped. I hurriedly checked my body and I was still a girl. I never went back to being a man.

I was relieved, out of the woods, but why? Harakiri-tora told me I wasn't experienced enough to control it myself.

I leaned back in my chair and relax. The movie came to its climatic point and children yelled 'Our Heroes, the Entrails Animals!' There had been no children in the movie, even for a second, until then.

What's up with that?

 

 

After the movie Sakura-san and I went outside. She said, "It was really interesting. It held me in suspense!"

You could say that. The 'cattle mutilation' scene where the Entrails Animals exchanged internal organs while screaming was certainly interesting. The images were disturbing enough I had started to sweat. Soon I was sweating trying to unravel the mystery of why I hadn't transformed. If I didn't have the skill to stop it... I couldn't let my guard down.

"Are you hungry?" Sakura-san pressed her stomach. "There is a famous pasta shop. Let's go."

The Italian restaurant had a green sign over the door. I had never heard of it, so it probably wasn't a restaurant chain. Even though it was lunchtime there were few customers and we were able to be seated immediately. The waiter asked our order and Sakura-san chose the s.h.i.+take and cod roe spaghetti. I picked a pasta soup.

Akane came in and also ordered. She still had the stuffed toys. The waiter gave her a strange look, but didn't say anything.

"It was fun," Sakura-san said. "Being on a date with Natsuru-san is like a dream come true. I have never..." she looked down and her cheeks flushed brightly. Apparently she didn't have any dating experience either. It seems we both do now... if you can call this a date. The ordered food came and we ate in silence for a while.

I finished first.

"I think... that..." she stopped to take another bite, "Natsuru-san is... interested in men...?"

I denied it by slowly shaking my head, after all I'm not gay.

"Really? I'm glad..." Sakura-san clearly showed relief, "...from the first time I saw Natsuru-san... That first time, I'll never forget. Last night I dreamt that..."

Without looking up she clearly said, "Would you continue dating me?"

My face was stuck looking like the Toei Animation logo[1]. It finally came; I had gotten a love confession from Sakura-san. Is there anyone more fortunate in the world? However, why did I have to receive it while I was female?

I Looked at Sakura-san, she was motionless in antic.i.p.ation. It was as is a barrier was surrounding the table blocking all sound from the other tables. What should I do?

To start with, it was my first time a woman confessed to me. I had thought it would be like it is in games or novels. You Know, under a tree a girl says 'I like Natsuru-san,' and I reply 'I like you too.' I thought a real life confession would only be slightly different.

In truth when I was confessed to my face turned pure white, I couldn't think clearly, and my eyes were fixed straight ahead.

I was in the form of a woman when she said it. I was interested in a heteros.e.xual relations.h.i.+p with her. Do they call this a 'lily' or 'lesbian' relations.h.i.+p? Either will do. More important than that Sakura-san's entire body was bright red. She was waiting for a reply. The ball was in my court.

"That...," I reduced my voice as much as I could, "me... why?

Sakura-san's face was still lowered as she answered, "Natsuru-san is strong, silent, cool and her voice is low and husky... I've yearned for such a person so long that it hurts."

'Silent' is just so my voice won't give me away. Even if I change back to a man my voice will stay the same.

"Sorry, among girls it may be strange, but I like all of Natsuru-san's virtues."

Now what? She invited me on this date. She confessed, if I'm a man I'd give a straight answer. But right then I wasn't a man. The answer is either 'yes' or 'no' like the check boxes on old questionnaire postcards, except this is a verbal answer. There is only room for yes or no.

I want to return the confession while I'm a man, then the answer would be a definite 'yes.' I had no idea when I would return to my original form, but my essence is still a man. I took a slow, deep breath. Two choices, what do I choose? Actually there's a third way, "...excuse me a minute." I stood up and walked to the bathroom. I needed time to think and clear my head.

In the corner of my eye I could see another person also walking towards the bathroom. I ignored it and almost went into the men's room. I changed direction towards the red sign[2].

Inside the women's restroom was a beautiful washstand. The room seemed unusually clean and pure when compared to the typical men's bathroom. It was an alien territory to me. Since I've never seen the men's room here it may also be clean, but it just felt like a different world.

The door slowly opened and Akane came in with a stuffed animal in each arm.

"Akane-chan..." I started without any prelude, "she confessed, what am I going to do?"

It was the stuffed animal in her left hand that answered, "Ahahahaha, so clueless. Hey Natsuru, I'll tell you what you can do."

Seppuku-kuro-usagi is so much fun, I think everyone needs one.

"Like what, more positive thinking?"

"Those are great soothing words! Did they help?"

It's no use, I had to ignore the rabbit and ask Akane.

"Don't you think it's better in this situation to give her a proper answer?"

"As for that... probably... I think so?" Akane's answer came with decreasing confidence.

"A 'yes' is more delightful?"

"... a 'no' , makes someone very sad..."

That was such a girly response, but a man would feel the same. It's hard to have love denied. However, I want the response that solves all the issues. Most importantly I don't want to hurt Sakura-san, but for that I would have to date her in the form of a woman. She may never become chummy with me as a man... Each of us are insects, and one is about to be squished.

"There's no such thing as a perfect solution, hahaha!" said Harakiri-tora. "To gain you must sacrifice. To get such a beautiful girl is it such a high price to pay?"

Easy choice for you. To be preached at by a stuffed toy; the same stuffed toy that turned me into a girl. "That's a good question."

"What?"

"I'll change back to a man and tell her Natsuru the woman went on ahead..." at the moment it seemed like a great solution. But I grabbed Harakiri-tora's head and said, "it's because of you I may hurt Sakura-san, this unnatural situation you put me in."

"Don't you have another choice?"

I was too angry at the stuffed toy, such an opinionated fellow.

"It's okay..." I rinsed my face in the sink, "let's go back to the seat."

"You're not... giving her an answer...?" Akane asked.

"No, I'll just delay some more as best I can."

It had to be postponed, I was too indecisive, no wonder I'm not popular with girls. I came out of the bathroom and there were even fewer customers than when I had entered. Sakura-san was no longer at our table instead...

"Welcome back. Took you long enough."

Student council president, s.h.i.+zuku, was calmly smiling.

 

 

I was confused, I was only gone for a moment, is it the wrong table. No, where Sakura-san had been sitting moments ago there was s.h.i.+zuku.

"Please take a seat. Let's talk."

The pasta dishes were gone and only gla.s.ses of water remained. I sat down.

"Looks like you were finished, was the food good?"

s.h.i.+zuku's hair was black but was glowing brightly somehow. A stuffed animal was on the table in front of her. Was it an Entrails Animal?

"I have business with you Mr. Senou Natsuru."

I was shocked again, how could she know me while I'm in a girl's form? Her pupils were s.h.i.+ning and flickering, she obviously could perceive my true character clearly.

"Don't be surprised. I've know who you were and what you've been doing from the start. I've had my eye on you."

I felt a chill down my spine, how much did she really know? She slowly rolled her sleeve up her right arm. I could see the same bracelet as mine, only glowing red.

"I am also Kämpfer, your enemy."

My body moved on its own. I kicked my chair over and flipped onto my belly on the floor. The Kämpfer within me reacted automatically.

"Don't be hasty," s.h.i.+zuku said. I stopped mid-way onto my feet. "I'm not here to fight, unless necessary. It would have been easier in the cinema."

"You followed...?"

"You should thank me. You would have changed back to your original form if I weren't there."

I must have been careless. She was there and I didn't notice at all. Childhood friends used to call me 'oblivious.' She motioned me to sit and I did.

"Join us," she said to Akane who came up behind me.

I was reminded of the meeting in the film lab clubroom earlier, just a bit bloodier.

"I got Kaede to leave since I don't think she would understand our conversation."

"Says the student council president..."

"I'm fine with 's.h.i.+zuku.' "

Page 199

I didn't hesitate to change the tone of the conversation, "s.h.i.+zuku-san, are you against us?"

"As I said, I'm an enemy Kämpfer. As you can tell by my red bracelet."

"...who attacked us at the library?"

"I did."

As soon as the words came out I felt a thirst for blood on my right side. Akane's body had changed instantly and the vicious dog woman was there. My transformation takes time, this was faster than the blink of an eye.

"d.i.c.kwad, what are ya trying to pull? If ya wanna fight Ay can bury ya here." Akane shook her arm and a pistol appeared.

"Think da brains in this d.i.c.kwad's head are as red as er bracelet? I'll tell ya in a second." As she pulled back the hammer on her pistol.

Reserve isn't in Akane's vocabulary. Even in a restaurant she wouldn't hold back. She held a deep grudge regarding the library incident.

s.h.i.+zuku didn't seem to care though, "such a violent person, gives a bad name to Kämpfer."

"Say dat again..."

Under the table something was sparkling.

It was a large dagger, a dirk. The dirk was on a chain aiming at Akane's abdomen.

"My sword or your gun, which do you think is faster?"

s.h.i.+zuku glanced at me. Another dirk had been aimed at me for a while.

"Natsuru-san is the odd one."

Since it was obvious to her that I didn't want to fight, I was thankful for her withdrawing her sword. At least that was my hope. Nevertheless she kept the dirk aimed where it was and began to talk.

"I've been wanting to talk. This looked like a good place to avoid a fight."

"You can meet us anytime at school." Akane words were tinged with hate.

"In order to meet you would transform. There are already three people at the school who observed you and are still looking for you."

I retorted, "the president hasn't transformed."

"I have," she said as she raised her long hair. The inner side looked like liquid silver, constantly changing.

"Transformations come in a variety of types and strengths. s.e.x changes, character changes, or subtle changes such as mine."

Although I hadn't known about that, she made it sound very natural.

"Kämpfer have a tendency to congregate in an area... you probably knew this. Therefore, it shouldn't be surprising that I appeared before you."

"We were suddenly attacked yesterday. To me it seems normal to be surprised."

"It's been two years since I became Kämpfer. You showing up was a surprise."

That was news. In this industry she is very much my senior, how common that is I wouldn't know.

Akane was bored, "get to the point, I just got here and it's already painful."

"I also have other errands."

"Then say it faster. There's so much c.r.a.p going in my ears my eyeb.a.l.l.s are starting to rot."

"What common people, they are so unrefined," said a shrill voice coming from the stuffed toy on the table in front of s.h.i.+zuku.

Belonging to s.h.i.+zuku, Kanden-yamaneko, an electrocuted wildcat, was obviously struck by lightning. The tufts of hair were formed into points and of course the entrails were exposed in the style of the series.

"The impoliteness committed in front of s.h.i.+zuku-sama is surprising. You could finish it quickly with your swords."

"Look, in spite of the Nana Mizuki[3] voice, I'm bored rotten as well," said Seppuku-kuro-usagi in Akane's arm.

Come to think of it, the black rabbit sounded like a sharp-tongued version of Yukari Tamura[4].

"Ohoho! what a disrespectful way to speak. s.h.i.+zuku-sama is effective at dealing with dirty mouths."

"Normally defective stuffed toys are thrown in the incinerator."

"If you don't have constructive input, be quiet," s.h.i.+zuku quickly grabbed Kanden-yamaneko by her neck, I moved backward slightly.

"Sorry, the rude speaking cat was a gift from Kaede."

"I wonder... are plush toy gifts from Sakura-san all moderator agents?"

"Let's get back on topic." s.h.i.+zuku easily dodged my question.

"The subject is that we are Kämpfer," the student council president slowly began.

"Kämpfer exist to fight, no matter how each feels. Divided into two groups to form allies and enemies. I don't know why we fight, do you?"

I shook my head. Harakiri-tora never told me even though I'd asked several times.

"I don't know either."

She firmly pressed her finger against Kanden-yamaneko's head. "Even if I ask this little one nicely, she never answers."

"Like s.h.i.+zuku-sama, I don't know why," the stuffed animal said.

"We're Kämpfer al'ready, what does it matter?" Akane just shook her hand abruptly.

"So, what are you fighting for?"

"What's ta understand? Grab my gun, find enemy, shoot, end of story."

Her aggressive principles were scary. Conflicts in every corner of the world must start with people like her. Her original form is so faint of heart though, completely different.

"So, my reasons are simple, what a'bout you?"

The question was back to me. I thought for a while. Why did I fight even though I hadn't been told the reason? I couldn't think of a reason not to stop. s.h.i.+zuku had made me consider my options.

"Just like your little one - I don't know why I fight," I also poked the wildcat, but not as hard.

" 'enormous power is given when fighting as Kämpfer!' I'm not stupid enough to swallow that line. The moderator must know the reason."

"Yeah... what is the reason?"

"It's important to find out why Kämpfer exist and why we have to fight. As the student council president, I will pursue the answer."

As expected of s.h.i.+zuku, her pa.s.sion for the truth of Kämpfer is much stronger than I thought. Fighting without reason doesn't make sense, it's worse than being a Roman gladiator. At least when they were stripped and given a sword they knew it was for entertainment, at least it was a reason they could understand.

"During the last two years have you fought other Kämpfer?"

"Many opponents and they always lost."

That was a frank answer, but something felt weird.

"If I continue to fight I think I will find the reason. If I continue to win I'll catch the eye of the moderator. Once that happens I'll understand everything."

"..."

s.h.i.+zuku's face as she spoke somehow reminded me of a philosopher. The student council president also had a continual sadness about her. It gave an impression she was much older than her high school aged appearance. It was one reason she was revered by older boys and m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.ts. Well, not me, I'm devoted to Sakura-san.

Suddenly she smiled, "so, let's decide where to fight."

I was surprised, Akane just snickered, "jus' name a place an' let's go."

"Hold on, wait a minute," I said. "Just now we were talking about not having a reason to fight."

"I just said I would continue to fight."

"Don't you enjoy a challenge? Akane and I just recently became Kämpfer, we're still amateurs. Are we suitable challenges for s.h.i.+zuku-san?"

"It's me against both you and Akane-san. That's enough challenge for me."

"Ay'm fine with a handicap if she wants to give one. Don't complain Natsuru."

The vicious dog was a happy woman, even if she may be killed. Me, not so much. The president just wanted to impress the moderator. I just wanted to figure out the mystery of the reasoning behind Kämpfer, but that would be hard to do if I'm dead.

"You don't want to fight?"

"Well..."

"What about Kaede? She's safe in my care, for now."

Sakura-san was kidnapped!? The student council president took the woman who I was dating just a few minutes ago? s.h.i.+zuku was not showing any signs of remorse. "The girl you long for will never return to her house if you don't agree."

"The student council president... is a kidnapper?"

"Strong wording, but yes."

"Aren't Sakura-san and s.h.i.+zuku-san friends?"

"So, a stuffed animal is also her important friend, and my head still hurts where she poked me."

Huh, that didn't look painful at all.

"I did it because I didn't think you'd fight me otherwise. I'll release her after we fight. Don't worry about it, as long as you don't back out." s.h.i.+zuku was prepared.

I had to play along, "...the time and place?"

"Two nights from now. You name the place."

"Well... there's a park near here, that will be fine."

"Were you planning on taking Kaede there on your next date?"

"Since it's a large park it will be fine at night even if we're loud."

"It's good for an honor student to be considerate of society." She stood up. Even her casual gestures were graceful.

"Two nights from now, I'm looking forward to it. The bill for your meal has been paid." She left calmly.

As she turned Akane spit out, "see ya, miss high and mighty!"

 

 

The date, or to be accurate, the disaster of a date was finished. I went home with Akane, and two Entrails Animals of course. The stuffed toys nagged me worse than s.h.i.+zuku had.

"What an outrageous woman."

"Ya just gotta apologize. Get on ya knees an beg."

Why apologize?

s.h.i.+zuku wants to fight; an apology's meaningless. She would just call me a coward and fight anyway. With our limited combat experience was there any chance we'd survive.

"Not likely," I unintentionally replied out loud. Frankly, we didn't stand a chance.

"Whatever, Ay just don't want 'er to win." Akane's voice was m.u.f.fled.

On our way back we bought a box of Glico Pocky. She mouthed it with an att.i.tude of a cigarette. It didn't seem to be calming her down any.

"Yeah, and we can't save Sakura-san unless we win."

"Ay bet we can win, relax."

"We need a plan if we're going to win."

"Heh. Just keep 'er hands busy."

Not sure how that would help. s.h.i.+zuku gave us until the day after tomorrow as a grace period. We had to use the time for better plans.

"Akane..."

"Yeah?"

"The student council president's weapons, how do they work?"

"Two dirks an' a chain between 'em so she can pull 'em back fast."

"Is there a weakness?"

"One pull an' those blades return to 'er even when they're out of view."

"But if they're not in her hand she can't wield them against close combat, right?"

"The speed that those blades were returning to 'er at the library was unbelievable. s.h.i.+zuku's quick."

"fsck...," I was growling, rolling on the floor knowing I was doomed to be skewered by s.h.i.+zuku in the fight. Mom and Dad, sorry, but your son's life will be unexpectedly short.

"Hey, think about it. Who sez we gotta attack from the front?" Akane said. "If ya attack from the front, keep her busy, Ay can attack from behind."

That may actually work, "she does have two dirks. Keeping both busy may not be easy."

Without eyes on the back of her head it would work.

"Just attack, don't think. Ya won't have time ta think."

Acting without thinking, that's how pyramid schemes work. I continued to flail my arms and legs. I was still a girl, not that it mattered at this point, as I rolled around my skirt was clinging to my thighs. Creepy, annoying thing, I bet a man invented it.

"I had a thought," Harakiri-tora started to say.

"Great, so a stuffed toy has an idea."

"Natsuru-san only fights to save Kaede-san."

"Yeah..."

"I wonder where Kaede-san is being kept."

"I have no idea. Check with Tonma[5], I'm sure the president is a master at it."

"Then, we'll have to help the idiot search."

"If we search we'll confront s.h.i.+zuku."

"The president won't be there continuously, that would be pointless, only Kaede-san. Take it from me, I was a hostage ten thousand years ago."

Seppuku-kuro-usagi roars with laughter, "what a sucker; never learns, never learns."

"I don't want to be constantly fighting! d.a.m.n discontinued toys!"

"I never said to fight all the time. Being smart doesn't mean being a coward."

That made sense and I was being stupid, I decided to keep silent. That idea was a lot better than trying to distract s.h.i.+zuku from the front. It was more likely to help Sakura-san. Any reason to avoid a sword fight was good for me. We would be acting tomorrow instead of the day after tomorrow. Hopefully s.h.i.+zuku won't keep a close watch.

"Alright then, where do we start looking for Sakura-san?"

Harakiri-tora posed, "well, to find a human, use human ingenuity."

"How to solve a puzzle of the original secret keeper? The president is very secretive, right? I bet even at home she doesn't tell her parents anything."

s.h.i.+zuku was so private that a mystery to solve and hobby of the boys' section at the school was to determine her height and weight and her three-sizes. Even when boys approached her to ask they were cut in half with a response of 'show respect for yourself before showing interest in others.' No information was ever sussed from her. There was a school newsletter column dedicated to visual measurements and guesses of her numbers.

"It's a good plan, right?" Seppuku-kuro-usagi was agreeing with Harakiri-tora, it was stuffed toy cooperation.

"Manage somehow. Watch s.h.i.+zuku and see what she does."

"Maybe even find a weakness in the president."

"Stuffed toys are nothing if not persistent, more than you humans."

"Let's see if you'll burn," while exploring my pocket I found the lighter I put there earlier.

"...wait a minute," Akane said unexpectedly.

"Harakiri-tora's idea may just work."

"What have you been drinking?"

Although all she'd been consuming was Pocky.

"I just had a good idea," Akane's expression was like a mafioso who just thought of a great way to increase his profits.

Notes Jump up↑ Toei Animation Logo - http://www.toei-anim.com/images/toei_logo.jpg Jump up↑ Restrooms in j.a.pan typically use red signs for women and blue for men Jump up↑ Nana Mizuki - popular j.a.panese singer-songwriter and voice actress: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nana_Mizuki Jump up↑ Yukari Tamura - popular j.a.panese singer-songwriter and voice actress: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yukari_Tamura Jump up↑ Legend of Hero Tonma - a game about a fireball throwing hero searching for a kidnaped princess (that situation sounds familiar somehow...): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legend_of_Hero_Tonma